A Letter To My Ideal Woman; Why I Will Not Support The Idea Of Expensive Funerals

Dear Afia,
I do monitor most of your conversations with your friends during lectures. I must admit to the fact that I do like the clarity in how you express your views to your colleagues.

But your opinion on funerals to your friends during the Geography lecture has kept me in a pensive mood. I was sitting right behind you when you told your friends that you will lavish much money on your parents' funeral in order to honour them.

As your secret admirer, I decided to confront you and tell you my opinion but I don’t want you to know me now. As Plato rightly puts it, that “at the touch of love everyone becomes a poet” so I thought it wise to exhibit my poetic and writing skills by writing to you instead. By the way i am very sorry for eavesdropping on your conversation during that lecture. In fact when I heard your comment, not only did i see myself in hot water but the lives of other secret admirers who may admire your beauty like I do?

Afia, I beg to differ in this opinion of yours. Do not use this as the basis of not accepting my proposal when i finally show up.As a matter of fact one of the most serious attitudinal problems creeping in to the Ghanaian society is this canker of expensive funerals.

According to a funeral planner in Kumasi “an average funeral should cost between $15000- $20,000. I jumped out of my skin when i read this on CNN’s news page. I must admit that this is not a cynical ploy to take your attention from your parents but of what benefit will it be if we invest in the dead to the detriment of the living?

The fact that it’s now common in our communities doesn’t mean we should also imitate this bizarre tradition of investing too much in the dead. It is an eyesore to see people hero-worshipping a pauper when he dies meanwhile they were dime a dozen when they were alive.

Sometimes I even wonder if it’s partying or mourning. Men of great calibre are seen passing derogatory remarks over meals served at a funeral as if they were cooked by their wives. The common question asked is; "did they go there to eat or console the bereaved?" Our funerals are reduced to partying and feasting. This is the very ground where they show their masculinity. The ancient times of fasting when bereaved are washed down the drain.

Monies are spent to design billboards and hire loud sound systems. Why don’t we use these monies to take care of children of the deceased and other relatives in the family? So I was not surprised when one man who was mentally ill was abandoned in the hospital by his own relatives . But it will surprise you to know that they were eager to take the corpse when the doctors announced that he was dead. This is due to the fact that the people of our land kiss and adorn the dead than the living. Funerals are seen to be lucrative in our societies today.

Afia, I’m not trying to say that honouring your parents is a bad idea. If there is something you can do for your parents in order for them to feel honoured it should be now and not when they are dead. Why should much money be spent on the dead when you definitely know that some people are looking so dishevelled in the family. Throughout history never has it been said that a corpse once arose to congratulate its mourners on lavishing money during it's funeral. This is to tell you that we should think of the living and not the dead.

In the name of honour, the corpse of the deceased is made to pass through excruciating pain. They make them to assume a certain posture with an old rugged corroded steering wheel in their hands depicting that they were drivers while alive. The corpse is made to be in this posture for hours. I know they would have complained if they could talk at that time. At the end of it all, we write on their grave that rest in peace meanwhile, our own actions made them to rest in pieces.

This is not the time to show off by wearing different attire to the funeral grounds. People make arrangements for the shirts to wear during the burial service, at the funeral grounds and during the thanksgiving service if only they are Christians. The most irritating aspect of it all is the people who are trained professionally to cry during the funeral rites of a deceased. And all these people will be paid after the funeral.

Afia, never make that expensive mistake of inviting people who will shed crocodile tears and be paid at the end. Don’t even think of the professional dancers. All these are a heap of debt. Funerals are meant to celebrate the life of the deceased and not a reason to go into gargantuan debt.

Afia, I can only imagine the grimace of disgust on your face right now since you may think i will be irresponsible in the future. But don’t get it twisted; there is a clear distinction between one trying not to be extravagant and irresponsibility. Archbishop Charles Gabriel Buckle of the Catholic Church puts it this way “the surest way to remember the dead is not the type of coffin used to bury them nor it is the type of cloth worn during their funerals but doing something positive for the dead which will benefit the living”

Afia, i will not bore you with many words but always keep this letter safe. Don’t bother to ask of me during one of our lecture periods. I will definitely gather momentum and show up one day. As I always say, it is not for your friends but if out of curiosity they insist of knowing the content of this letter, don’t hesitate to give it to them.

Your Secret Admirer,
Elvis
The Writer Is A Student Of The University Of Cape Coast