Before You Say "I Do"

In between the time I published “Wedding Wahala 18+” and now, a lot has happened. I was supposed to pin three or four blogs but for personal reasons, I had to shelve them. Someone felt one of the blogs I was intended to publish as I announced the title was about her so she “corned” me back stage to sweet talk me out of releasing it. Well, I have suspended it for now but be sure to read about it before the end of the year.

Something happened in the month of April, I am not permitted to say what it was but the event of that month triggered this piece. Not a pleasant thing to happen to this close friend of mine but I will pray for strength and hope God sees this person through life.

When I was preparing for my wedding 5 years ago, myself, Elorm, Ben, Sammy and my wife-to-be drew the wedding budget. The template I used came from my one and only Low Down Pop Corn (Freda Safo-Nyame). Auntie Free as we affectionately call her even gave me a standard engagement list which I must say was spot on comparing her list to what I received from the Botsio’s. When we went through the line items on the wedding budget template, I began to identify non-essentials. Some of these almost led to disaffection between me and my wife-to-be. I did not see the essence of a page boy and flower girl. I was opposed to the subscription of a wedding cake because, I felt it was unnecessary and just an additional cost to the already heavy financial weight at that time. Truth be told, Sabina was so mad about some of the items I wanted to delete from the list that I was made to back down on almost all of them. I stood my grounds on things like no page boy and flower girl. My wife-to-be later came with a proposal that the mothers of these two will take care of the cost of their outfits. So I agreed. In the end we had two page boys (Nii and Nana Kwame) and two flower girls (Naa and Maame). She won, didn’t she? As we say in Ghana's parliament, "Minority will have their say but the Majority will have its way".

Well we had a colourful wedding and at the end of it all, I did not carry any debt into my marriage. The main reason I was managing the non-essentials was the fact that there was the possibility of a huge debt which I (emphasis on I) would be made to pay after returning from the moon to reality. Mind you I had just paid two years rent after moving out of my father’s house a month to our nuptials. I had to buy living and bedroom furniture, gadgets and other important kitchen items to at least help us to start life comfortable when we both finally moved into the house as husband and wife to start life together. To be very honest with you, I was cash strapped even before the wedding. I had to work with the little money left so there was no need to go over the top with decoration, renting a luxurious car, having a buffet lunch & dinner on Saturday and a lunch reception on Sunday, etc. At the end of the wedding, no debt was carried over from our wedding into my marriage. It was simple yet colourful (I spent GHC 250 on decoration. If you don’t believe me, ask Henry Adjirakor).

I have witnessed a lot of weddings post mine that have given me cause for concern. If you read the above carefully, you will realize that the crux of my message is that there is pressure on couples to organise big and expensive weddings at the expense of their own future detriment. So Before You Say I Do, please note that expensive wedding does not guarantee a successful marriage. The fact that you wear the most expensive suit, wedding gown, have a cake suspended upside-down and give your guests 5-course meals does not mean that all will be well after your wedding.

I attended a friend’s wedding last year and at the reception, I voluntarily refused to eat although I was starving. I knew that the couple had gone “way way” over the top. I was very sad because knowing the couple very well, there was no way they could personally afford this kind of wedding. I told myself that with my standing in a corporate world at the moment, there was no way I was going to have this kind of reception if I was the one getting married on that day. How do I know? I was very close to them. I was over clouded with shock when I saw the reception setup and assorted buffet table. Well a couple of months down the line, the husband lost his job due to the challenging marco-economic situation in the country.

Please, let me sound a warning to all on this, DO NOT RELY ON YOUR OFFERINGS and CASH GIFTS, they MAY NOT take you home…. The offering I received on my wedding day was just enough to pay the instrumentalist and our two nights stay at the SSNIT Guest House. You may have invited the whole world but only a few come bearing real gift. If you think the cash donations will sort everything out, ask my friend who has dodged his wedding planner cum decorator since he got married 12+ months ago. It even became a police case. Kofi almost got me involved but sensing danger from the beginning, I chose to stay away and I am glad I did. I am sure I would be going to the police CID every now and then to answer for why my friend has gone into hiding. In my discussion with him before he went into hiding, Kofi confessed that he was expecting huge case donations at the wedding reception. I guess his guests failed to meet his cash expectations at the end of the day. Those of you who interfaced between the couple and their suppliers i.e. caterers, decos, video and photographers will understand what I mean. When the couple did not pay these suppliers in full, you were the ones they called day and night to entreat YOU to pay the balance. Wahala oooooooo!!!!!

We understand that wedding is a big day. We understand that you have to look plush, beautiful or handsome, but please don’t overdo it. Some people go to other people’s weddings and determine to overtake their friend/colleague’s wedding by wearing more expensive jewellery, more bridesmaids and a more luxury car, more course meals, better decorations, more photographers and a better and expensive reception venue (typical Naija saying “I betta pass my neighbour). The question I am asking is to what end? Is it better to have the most glamorous wedding and wallow yourselves into debts or have an okay wedding and have peace of mind to start life right with the love of your life?

Do not mortgage your salary on your wedding. Do not peg payment of such expensive costs on the contract you are bent on getting. With uncertainties in life, and with all this difficult macro-economic condition the world and for the matter Ghana is facing, it will be unwise to over spend beyond your means all in the name of love. Nobody will consider you because you just got married when it is time to swing that axe at a time a company is downsizing.

So please, by all means look good and let your partner look pretty on your wedding day, but be wise. Don’t go asking for white gold ring, don’t book a limo or Range Rover wedding ride cruise when you know in your heart of hearts that your partner cannot afford.

My candid advice to those about to tie the knot.
About the writer:
Kwame Ampong Asomaning is a bloger, a family man, a social media personality, a Regional Brand Manager, an entrepreneur, a family man and a believer that Ghana can work again. [email protected]