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07.01.2020 Feature Article

The Price We Pay For Marrying With The Wrong Reasons

The Price We Pay For Marrying With The Wrong Reasons
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Love doesn’t pay the bills. Nor is love a blanket over all other problems you may have.

For those that watched or read GONE GIRL, do you recall Amy’s monologue?

“He wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: “I like strong women.” If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because “I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.”)

I removed a lot of her monologue, but I left the main point. Cool Girl is the all accommodating woman. She bend over backwards to please her man, while losing sense of herself. Now imagine this woman getting married to this man. This man has NO idea who she is. She has created this fantasy for him. Now it’s her role to maintain this fantasy.

If she loses the size two she maintained for the two years, they have dated, he will say “you’re letting yourself go. You weren’t like this when we were dating!” Amy was more than willing to uphold her end of the bargain. She maintained the “Cool Girl” façade. But her husband didn’t. He made the mistake of cheating on his wife, without having ZERO idea what type of woman she truly is.

While Gone Girl is an extreme example, it paints a valuable picture. If you marry for superficial reasons, you better uphold your end of the bargain. If you want to play the role of the hot trophy wife, you better maintain that body. If you play the role of the sole moneymaker, don’t assume after marriage, all costs will be split in half. You displayed your standard and now after marriage, you cannot deviate.

People are getting married for the wrong reasons and calling it “love.” Love isn’t saying “I’m hot and you’re rich, we look wonderful together.” Just looking hot isn’t going to maintain a marriage. A marriage isn’t easy. You are going to come face to face with a lot of traits and behavior about your partner, that weren’t known to you before.

If you are marrying a woman for how attractive she looks and suddenly after marriage, she puts on weight, a problem will arise. You may suddenly feel that you are no longer attracted to her and seek someone who suits your needs more.

Love that is conditional can be cruel. Many people believe love is unconditional. But that’s not the case these days. For many people, love is conditional. If you don’t meet the set of requirements needed to remain married, then unfortunately that marriage will draw to end very quickly.

Learn to distinguish the difference between unconditional and conditional love. Then decide whether or not, you are with your partner for who they are, or the benefits they provide you. If you do not have a solid foundation, that relationship is bound to break very soon.

Even if you marry for the right reasons, life still happens and that makes people change. You can marry someone you love and ten years later find that you don’t want the same things anymore and have to let each other go. Love is not a blanket over problems you have and they don’t always appear right away in a relationship.

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