Church Names Gone Crazy

Some entertainer once said, 'The best comedians are in the church'. As a committed Christian I became angry and wanted to write him, but just then, I came across two funny articles. One was about Pastor Njohi in Kenya, who had ordered ladies in his church to be coming to church without underwears 'so as to give Christ unhindered entry into their bodies'. As I was pondering on this, another Pastor, an American this time, Allen Parker, grabbed the headlines. He had convinced his church to be attending services in the nude. As an example he preaches and leads stark naked as the entire congregation worships is their birth suits. Mind you, these preachers are not worshiping Satan but Jesus, and claim to be doing all this in the name of Jesus.

Funny, as their acts seem to be, so are the names of their churches. Allen Parkers nude church is called 'White Tail chapel'. The Kenyan 'ladies with no underwear' church is called Lords Propeller Redemption church. One is left wondering if there is any connection between those church names and their irrational activities. One is inclined to think church names are finished. This is evidenced by a redundancy in some names. We have names like Heart of God, Hand of God, and Gods Hand Ministries while someone pulls out God's Heart Ministries. Others stun us with All Nations for Christ, Christ for All nations, All for Christ, All for Jesus and what have you. To me all these names sound the same.

I thought this sickness of funny church names was just an African plague, but when I googled it out, funny church names began to pop up everywhere. The USA supplied the following: Beaver Lick Christian Church, The Church of I am that I am, Flippin Church of God, Half Way Baptist Church, The Cowboy Church and House of God Inc. among others.

I almost collapsed with laughter when I checked the list from the African motherland of religions, Igweland (Nigeria). Here are just some of the names I got from Nairaland: Guided Missile Church, Jehovah Sharp Sharp Ministries, Healing Tsunami Ministries, Satan in Trouble Ministries, Fist of Furry Church, Run for Your Life Chapel, By Fire by Fire Ministries, David Killed Goliath Ministry, High Tension Church, The Chikudi and Sons Evangelical Ministry, The Ministry of Unclad Wire, Laboratory Church of God, Go and Tell Ahab That Elijah is Here Ministry, Jesus the Landlord and we are the Happy Pew Church, Trigger Happy Ministry, The atomic Bomb Bible Brigadial Barrack Ministry, Pay Your Tithe and Offering Bible Church of God, among others. We should pray that these churches should not come to Malawi; otherwise we shall have a hard time trying to translate their names into Chichewa.

As a church commoner, I fail to understand how our men of the cloth come up with these names. Each one claims that it was God who revealed the name of his church to him. They think we are that naive to accept this. We deserve better names because those names become part of our identity. Hiding behind the so called 'revelation' thing, will only bully people into a dogmatic silent submission. I am yet to find out if these names have nothing to do with the religious comedies taking place in these churches. Is this creativity or insanity in the name of Jesus? The Pew man is anxiously waiting to find out names of new ministries to come. Some names may take a whole paragraph. What's the name of your church?