The task of gathering myself from bed on the morning of Sunday 27th January 2013 was as impossible as draining the Atlantic ocean with a tea-spoon.
As I lay lazily in bed, completely powerless like a sheep to the slaughter house, i realized that the atmosphere around me was unusually think and clumsy. Almost like a solid wall collapsing on me. Did that have anything to do with my being in a moody and deeply thoughtful state? I found myself gazing aimlessly at the roof , but my attention was on the strange thoughts invading my privacy. I heard myself exclaiming under my breath; 'LIFE! LIFE! LIFE!'
I gave in to the madness that was happening to me: talking to myself about meaningless stuff.
' What is life?
What do I want from it ? And why was I brought here?
What is expected of me ?
And why did i not come about through any other means?
An Akan from Ghana, why not somewhere else?
Or why was I not born as a mammal, reptile, bird, fish , etc .
Why the need for a mother, father , siblings ?
And are all these necessary to achieve my unknown mission?
And to succeed at this unknown mission I need education ?
Which kind? How much of it will be enough? Phd or SHS?
How about a wife? why do i need one?
Maybe everybody is getting some? But who?
Must she be tall, fat , or ? Where is she ; Ghana, Europe , Togo or ? How about children, big office, big car, big house and big bank account? How are all these necessary to my mission and purpose on earth? Maybe my mission on earth as conceived by those who conspired to bring me here requires of me to be a lonely, poor, stranger, with nothing but my voice and body?
To what end is all the hard work, pain and emotional stress?
When does my work here end , and how do I know i have failed or succeeded.
And where am I going from here?
So will I be no more someday?
When ,how and why?
Will that day be fearful, painful , mournful , joyful or . ..?
I ask again! What is life all about? What are we fighting for? And where are those before us? ' I heard myself saying 'Am deeply scared. ' Perhaps it not a great idea to be mad on a Sunday morning when one is expected in Church.' To do what ? ' the thoughts came rushing in again. 'Maybe Worship God! Who is God? Male , female, old , young, Muslim, Christian , etc . '
On a second thought, i will rather do whatever it takes to get out of bed than subject myself to this cruel torture from my own thought process.
Akyena Brantuo Benjamin
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