Tsatsu’s Legal Blue Balls And Matters Arising!

Ever taken an aphrodisiac in readiness for the arrival of a beautiful damsel who eventually disappointed by not coming? I do not know about you, but I have and I can tell you it is not a pleasant experience at all. I wouldn’t wish that experience even on my enemies.

It happened more than two decades ago when I was in my early twenties. She was a damsel I tried wooing for almost two years without success. She finally agreed to my proposal and I took her out one afternoon. Afternoon because he parents wouldn’t allow her to go out at night.

Our first date was so successful that she agreed to visit my place the following week. We continued to communicate within the week and she heightened my expectation with the assurance that she couldn’t wait to be in my arms.

The D-Day arrived and yours truly eagerly awaited the arrival of his queen. I had received a call that morning from her assuring me once again of her readiness. I therefore tidied up my small ‘ghetteo’ (room) and took the necessary aphrodisiac in readiness for her arrival.

At around 11:00 am, she called to inform me she was leaving home. I prayed to the Bearded Old Man above to bring her safely to my abode. It was a journey of not more than 45 minutes, so I began to get worried when by 1:00 pm she had not arrived. But I decided to play it cool and not make her realize how anxious and excited I was.

Abusuapanin, I was shocked when she called a few minutes after 1:00 pm with the excuse that an exigency had compelled her to stay at home, so she wouldn’t be able to make it.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. That was when I started feeling the first pang of pain in my balls as a result of the built-up excitement. It is called ‘blue balls’ – when one feels pains in the testicles for not ejaculating when one should. I held my balls in pain but it was like they were replaced by sad blue bags of disappointment. It felt like someone had cut my ‘langa-langa’ with a razor. How I managed to survive that ordeal is a story for another day.

I liken that pain to what Tsatsu Tsikata felt when Justin Amenuvor said the 1st Respondent had decided not to present any witness in the ongoing presidential election petition. Tsatsu had banked all his hopes on the cross-examination of Madam Jean Mensa, the Chairperson of the 1st Respondent. As usual, he was hoping to play to the gallery and showcase his grammatical and literary skills.

Many were therefore not surprised when he fiercely opposed the 1st Respondent’s decision. Those of us who once experienced the pain of blue balls could better understand the pain Tsatsu felt when his argument to have Madam Jean Mensa in the box was rejected by the Court.

But the fighter in him has not given up. He has now applied to the Court to be allowed to reopen his closed case so he could bring Madam Jane Mensa into the box through the back door. The day of publication of this piece, Monday, February 15, 2021, is the day slated for hearing of the case.

One thing is certain, Tsatsu will spend not less than one hour to speak grammar and literature and make his usual gesticulations for the cameras, while the Respondents will spend only few minutes to make their case. After ruling that Madam Jean Mensa could not be forced to testify, it would be interesting to see if the Court would allow her to be brought into the box through the back door.

Abusuapanin, it is becoming obvious that Tsatsu is only convincing Zuza’s card bearing members and sympathisers, including very educated folks. I have a Zu-za friend who has been a PhD holder for close to two decades. It is shocking to see such a fine brain behave like an ordinary footsoldier when it comes to political matters involving his beloved party.

One of my highlights of the ongoing presidential petition was when one of the judges wanted to know the figures Petitioner’s 1st Witness (P1W) had brought to Court in relation to the total valid votes, Petitioner’s votes and 2nd Respondent’s votes. One could hear the sound of a pin drop when P1W said he had brought no figures to Court with regard to the three important questions.

The tea-drinking episode is another that kept ringing in my mind. It was instructive to note that Petitioner’s 3rd Witness (P3W) had gone drinking tea and abandoned his core responsibilities at the so-called Strong Room. His insistence that he only drank tea without biscuits was laughable, to say the least.

Indeed, any objective observer could easily tell what the likely outcome would be. With the comical display by the Petitioner’s witnesses so far, one cannot help but sympathise with Tsatsu for enduring legal blue balls after his request to see Madam Jean Mensa in the box had been rejected. Those of us with similar experience know what an excruciating pain it is.

See you next week for another interesting konkonsa, Deo volente!