Caught Between Two Worlds: "Here" and "Over There"

Saying goodbye again. My story seems to be a life of perpetual goodbyes. You are from "here: but you live in "over there", far beyond the ocean. You cannot drive to the next city or town to see your family. You have to pay just to see them; and we are not talking about just mere coins!

As a dear elderly man said many years ago, if you are from "here" and live "over there", sometimes the only place you belong is up in the sky flying between "here" and "over there". I understand him completely as I sit writing this piece on the plane back from "here" to "over there". The contradiction is this, you are from "here", which is Ghana to me, but you are a stranger to "here". At the same time you may never fully belong in "over there" even though you have a life there. "Over there" being Canada, where I happen to have been born.

Such is the conundrum I grapple with. Your roots are now firmly established in "over there". You have raised children who are now in their adulthood. You have your nuclear family in "over there" but your extended family lives in "here". Sometimes, it appears that the two are on a collision course; which do you pick or must you be forced to choose between the two? I cannot go there because it feels like cutting off a limb; very excruciating. I like "over there" with its conveniences and well oiled machinery that allows the system to stay afloat and run efficiently, but where any meaningful or deep connection with humanity may be superficial at best, sometimes, not all the time. It is not all bad in "over there" though, trust me.

I have learnt independence and standing on my own two feet, striving for, and achieving personal goals. However, despite the inconveniences of "here" and the lack of any form of order or very little properly functioning systems especially, the health sector, there is something to be said for cherished family and other meaningful social bonds. I have had the opportunity of connecting with varsity mates from over thirty years ago, and secondary school mates from over forty years ago. This is the best vacation I have had in "here", bar none. Reconnecting with family and old friends, even making some new ones, is absolutely priceless! Nothing can take the place of that.

I got asked the question that I have aways pushed to the back of my mind by the matriach of our family in "here". I simply cannot fathom how to answer or be forced to choose; "are you coming back to settle in here?" I am also now the matriach of our family branch in "over there"(three generations). Our parents sometimes forget that we have also "grown up" and must make our own decisions, lol. It is hard for me to say as I have my own nuclear family now and can't imagine being far away from them when I come to settle in "here". The question was partially answered for me: go back and forth. Alas with what money 😂😂😂. At the end of the day, I am the one who has to make that decision. For now, I will put it back on the shelf. I can only live my life in the now, day to day. Anything beyond that must come with some very difficult trade offs that I am not ready to deal with. When the time comes, which may be sooner rather than later, I hope to make the right decision for all involved, and especially for myself. For now, I will hold onto the beautiful memories until next time.

Over to you, if you are living in the diaspora, what is your story? It will be nice to hear yours. Let's talk!

Yaa Foda Attobrah