2017 Skuuls Reunion; Zulus Shall Fall

The weather appears favourable oh no it’s quite cloudy and I pray there is no downpour to disrupt this year’s fun at the Skuuls reunion.

The Zulus of Accra Poly (Accra Technical University) would have to relinquish their jama trophies they’d won over the years. Trust me, the Katangees would roll on the ground again as they did in the late 90s or so when the Skuuls Reunion started at the same Trade Fair venue. The Vandals and Casfordians would not allow that though but let us see what happens come Saturday. If you don’t come, we will put your lights off, fuin!

As for Prempeh, so so Science and Maths they know. I want to see a tug-of-war contest between WASS and Accra Aca. The only thing they both have in common is unnecessary noisemaking! As for that Kaneshie-based Speakers of Parliament SHS, they no know anything sef. POJOSS would prove to them that original is stronger than tomatoes and koobi sold near Accra Aca. Tamale SHS doesn’t seem to know that Ghanass is planning a strong ampe competition against them. The Tamascan in my house just got to know and she vex rof!

These are but a few of the high expectations from schools who don’t know anything apart from something they know but are not sure they didn’t really want to know. These are schools that will be establishing themselves as strong combatants when it comes to jama cheer moments, gari drinking contests and fufu sniffing expedition!

I heard Hon Ken O. Atta, Finance Minister representing Motown would be in the boxing ring with Insurance Commissioner Mr Justice Ofori representing the Vandals to do Bukom-Basty at the Joy Skuuls Reunion. I can predict the winner unless of course you haven’t seen the muscles of the Insurance Commissioner before. Hmmm! Anyway, news coming in suggests that the Hon Minister has nominated the Education Minister to represent him in this fight. Why, Hon? You dey fear? Napo sef no go fit o. Hahaaaa! Anyway, this no be GDP or Bonds matter. Kwame Sefa Kayi (Okuapeman ‘asphalt-motorway’) would face Dr Richid Anani (Prempeh Dodi Papaase Highway) in ‘headies’ to see whose head shines more than the other. Hahaaaaa!

Why is it that when you drive Mercedes Benz, you don’t feel like driving any other car again apart from the 2017 model of Toyota Corolla. Ei, Mr Andrew Lamptey, Toyota Ghana Manager, thanks for giving me that test drive last Saturday at the Independence Square, not Independence Hall o, where you and I used to eat gari and beans. I really enjoyed that ‘bedroom on wheels’ with air-condition that went like fuuuuuuuuuu! I will buy one p33333 and dash it to DJ Black who went to a very ‘useless’ SHS. Hahaaaa!

My friends, if they no pay you your salary yet, then it means you no go good school o. I am referring to you Bra Ridwan Ibrahim Asante and Citizen Nathaniel Attoh. These two went to some ‘useless’ schools called Adisco and Augusco respectively and have been talking too much just bcos of their supremacy in drinking soaked gari without milk though Mallam Ridwan often complains of sore throat after each contest. Anyway, even Gborkuku my friend who attended Ajigon L.A SHS also brags about his school. Why not!

Did you know that Hon Osafo Marfo was a classmate of the late President Prof Mills? While Prof Mills taught the Hon Snr Minister Latin, Hon Osafo Marfo in turn taught Prof Mills the much dreaded Mathematics in Achimota School.

I did the same thing with my good friend Aloysious in the same school. He taught me French and I taught him Maths. Hmmm. Me? Teach somebody Maths? This person is bound to fail o. Even he the one teaching me the French would often ask me if ‘ Je sui’ is the same as ‘Jesus’. How can I pass? Ern!

Our Maths teacher himself was always confused. He would set the question and work it out on the black board alone and when he is done, he would turn to the class and ask ‘Have you seen it’? Seen what, Sir? That earned him the nickname ‘ Have You? ’ Ao! Paddyman was posted to Achimota as a national service person and he didn’t help us koraa. Sadly he was assigned to my class, Arts 1 where all the sankwans in Mathematics were lumped together. But trust me, we were the dons of the Queen’s tongue in Motown! Agric Teacher, Mr Ayee would not let me be. I only asked him ‘Sir, please is sugar cane a fruit crop?’ The beating I received as my punishment for this ‘useless’ question er, hmmm.

Later at Tek, I decided to go into student politics. You know the safest highest position to remain in active politics everywhere is to be the Veep. No matter how hard they hit at your administration, your President takes the blows first. You only have to hide in there cool! No wahala.

I was already the JCR Editor-in-Chief of my hall. I wanted to progress to become the JCR Vice President in the following academic year after gaining the necessary popularity among the student body. Ei, ibi so politics dey? My roommate, now a medical doctor was seriously campaigning for me but little did I know that my main opponent was his Adisco buddy buddy. My posters read ‘Vote Mawuli as your dynamic JCR Vice-President’ .

The following morning I saw doctored posters all over; I didn’t understand. The above message now read: ‘NoVotel Mawuli…as your dynamic JCR Vice-President’ Hmmm! I had concluded that my opponents were behind wickedness. Anyway, I later got to know the culprit – my campaign manager, my roommate, Dr Samuel Amoah.

The megaphone I used in disturbing people to vote for me got lost four days to manifesto reading. Again I pasted a poster at the Porters’ Lodge with the inscription ‘Missing megaphone…finder should kindly bring it to Room 79A, Katanga for a handsome reward’ . The following morning, somebody used ink to write beneath it: ‘Use the handsome reward to buy a new one’. Who else could have done this? Guess! Dr Kwame Amoah of Zeeghurt fame, you showed me paaa oo, Room! Hahahahaha! He only taught me early in life not to trust anyone as far as politics is concerned!

At the manifesto reading, I managed to organize my team of ‘useless’ floor mates to do the noise making even if I goofed at the ‘hearing’. Michael Frimpong, aka ‘Director’ was the leader. One interesting thing about this strategy was that whether you gave an accurate answer or not, they would shout to disturb everybody as if you scored a goal at the world cup.

I was confident my guys would not fail me because they were the same people who brought me into the ‘Editor-in-Chief position a year earlier.

After reading my manifesto so I could be voted as the JCR Vice President, the Electoral Commissioner asked me a very simple question. In fact this was the question that ended my political career.

He asked me ‘Assuming you were Prof Atta Mrik, and Chairman Rolins wants you to kneel down, hold your two ears and be singing ‘Ntoi wa minuuu niiii;’ (to wit my ears are hard, I am intractable)’, what would you do? ’

Yei! I was so confused I didn’t know what answer to give. This time, I was hoping my squad were going to make the usual deafening disruptive noise so I could get away with even a wrong answer if it turned out so!

I looked round and round and ‘Director’ with the rest of the ‘noisy’ team were nowhere to be found. I later got to know they had left the dining hall where the manifesto reading was taking place and were going to drink beer with the money I shared among them for them to come and shout to disrupt the manifesto reading to my advantage!

As for the answer I gave that day, no wonder I got only 5 votes! I was so sure of ‘Director’s’ loyalty nonetheless. I was ‘one of the 5 who voted for me’. In fact I could list those who voted for me: 1) myself, 2) Director, 3) Noel Francis Agodzo, now the Ashanti Regional Administrative Head of the Judicial Service, 4) Yaw Ehurin, my percher (after all, I used my political power to get him to vote for me even though he wasn’t eligible to vote) , and 5) Blakkrasta, another nyamanyama but loyal friend. He later told the whole world on Contato radio how he voted for me and I lost the election manyaaaaa; he made mockery of me more than any other person did.

After the election, my campaign manager, Dr Amoah was one of those who went to carry the winner, my opponent shoulder high chanting the Adisco ‘useless’ Santaclausian anthem! Suro nipa ooo! Surprisingly, my Motown mates voted for a lady Motowner who also wanted to be Veep but lost! Engineer Daniel Asante Adjei (Shittor), of Tullow, was one of them. No be so? Hahahahhaha!

The night I lost the election, I slept well till 9am the following day. I taya sef! Politics? E hard rof, herh!

My Achimota mate, Jerry Halmm (Yello), was the then PRO of Katanga. He invited me to Kat to enjoy Bormika ’98. Bormika was usually part of the hall week celebrations where fufu sellers from even the United Nations came to sell fufu. The host, a Katangee would invite you from another hall and bear all the costs incurred in all the fufu and meat you have consumed in addition to beer. That was the last time I saw Yello. Yello made them serve me all the fufu and meat in the world and after that he vanished. The woman hijacked me for her money; unfortunately, my SSNIT loan had not yet come and so I was double hot. Come and see embarrassment! Thanks to Allen Quansah of Zenith Bank who came to bail me out that day.

As for Yello, I heard he is coming for the Skuuls Reunion with COP Koffi Buatsi, another wild Katangee! When I catch him er, hmmm, he will see. Me too, I will buy him beer and run awayyyyyy! Hahaaa!

Riotous demonstrations were rampant those days. The mmobrowa one was small. We matched and danced from Tek campus to Kejetia.

This demo got many painting their faces at Adum. A silly Republic Hall boy just booed at a policeman with the derogatory title ‘Kuoti’ and hell broke loose. Beating from the Police be what! You could only be safe if you were ‘gently dressed’. Unfortunately, I was draped in a torn and used women’s fellowship banner and painted my face with oil paint.

Adwoa kaa y3 was one of those who embarked on the mega demo. He was a mature student who was unfortunately assigned to Katanga! Ponding the poor old man became our hobby. From Monday to Sunday he was served ponding for breakfast, supper and lunch and sometimes snacks! At one of those tortuous moments, when he couldn’t bear it any longer, he cried out ‘Aaooooo, Adwoa Kan y3 oo. Adwoa, mi yiri kan y3 oo, s3 nkorla yii nny3’ (to wit ‘Adwoa, my wife said it oo that these boys are bad’. That was what earned him the name ‘Adwoa kan y3’. His wife was then selling waakye in Tarkwa and this old man would not be by the wife and decided to put himself into trouble by going to school again in the midst of ‘wild Katangees’.

Lexis Bill, where is Ras Gbogbai? I am not sure if Adwoa Kan y3 ever knocked at your door. The way he would have beaten you er, hmm!

This same Adwoa Kan y3 was reported to have gone on revenge at dawn moving from room to room looking for his ponding assailants. Sadly for him, the first room he knocked on was Ras Gbogbai’s! Gbogbai was the Goliath of Tek at the time, heavily built. Adwoa kaa y3 would ask, with a cutlass in his right hand “were you one of those who ponded me yesterday? ” Ras Gbogbai responded with a huge bare chest that can accommodate 10 women, “Yes, I was one of them…what can I do for you?” to which Adwoa Kan y3 humbly replied this time shaking ‘Oh ok, I just passed by to say hello’ . Etsor nagava woe’!

Me, this weekend, no funeral, no weddings o. I am going to reminisce the good old days with the guys at the time. Shhhh! Keep this secret o. I heard Second Lady, Hajia Samira Bawumia will be leading the squad from Mfantsiman Girls, P.O Box 14, Saltpond, Accra! In attendance would be FREE SHS! Hahaaaaa!