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14.01.2019 Touch Of Thoughts

My Obscured Vulnerabilities

By Catherine Forson Agbo
My Obscured Vulnerabilities
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The life of a junior student has such huge numbers of good and bad times, triumphs and difficulties that one may ask 'what am I really living for? As mother used to tell me we live to work not work to live. This expression has dependably created a gap of knowledge as I attempted to comprehend her words. In fact, we should live so as to work, yet idle hands as the book of scriptures expressed bring destitution and without living we can't really work to bring home the bacon. Working to live is similarly vital as without works no food for a lazy man. This appears to indicate similar importance to her saying WE LIVE TO WORK AND NOT WORK TO LIVE.

Not until I grew older, I didn’t seem to understand what she actually meant until I asked her for a more comprehensive understanding. Until then, I didn't realize she implied the value of living; the estimation of what life worth is and ought to be. Life is similarly critical to living. This is on the grounds that without life, nothing really exists… consequently, life must be considered so important and preserved in order to continue living. These were my motivation to be in school. The desire to provide for my family someday and still live long to enjoy my wealth was my future drive.

The life of a student may not be involved with so much office work and activities but certainly, the work includes being the best in everything we do. What got my enthusiasm as a new student of the Niger State College Of Education was the motto of the college. As simple as it was, it conveyed incredible worth and knowledge, a challenge to be bestowed and conquered. It stated ‘Second best is not enough’. I never truly comprehended these words till I ended up on the graduation ground. There were so many students; some full of tears and others had unbearable laughter on their faces. I stood and glanced with earnestness but my heart was heavy, my eyes were loaded up with tears. It was as if the world has come to a drastic stop and nothing seems to be moving. The world has solidified before my eyes. Was I to turn the clock of time or face my future with hope unknown? Lord, help me… was the only words on my lips.

Whose fault was it? Who was I to blame for euphoria or misery…? My finger stiffs at pointing in any direction. Mother stands on my right, the father stands on my left, school authorities, rules and regulations stands in front of me, friends; the good, the bad and ugly stands behind me as my past, present and future take a gander at me from over my head. I raise my head to look at it… but it glances back at me with obscured vulnerabilities and questions my thoughts ‘Is the sky actually your limit? Try not to pass judgment on me yet I say to my heart. My mind, my thoughts, my imaginations reclaim the hands of time to the plain start so as to comprehend the genuine sentiments of my heart.

I was caught up in such a beautiful dream I wasn’t prepared to wake up from when suddenly the rays of a new day block my vision in dreamland. I begin to hear voices… Is she still in bed? Has she forgotten what today is? Wake up sleeping ugly? ‘No, no, no, no, no I start to shout as I exited my fantasies.

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Touch Of Thoughts