Male Grief And Maternal Mortality; LMB Series Provides Answers

Live, Move, Have your Being (LMB), a Christian not-for-profit organization that provides support services for urban families (men and women) in Ghana dealing with fertility and pregnancy-related challenges has held its 4^th quarterly seminar on the theme “Male Grief: Dealing with the loss of a Spouse/ Child as a man.

The live audience open discourse, organised by Mahogany Consult, a Public Relations Agency and held at the Coconut Groove Hotel, in Accra, heard the real-life story of Pastor Michael Abdul Karim, a man who lost his wife and fourth child through childbirth.

A panel, made up of a gynaecologist; Dr. Michael McCarthy from Sinel Hospital, a psychologist; Mrs. Christiana Kwofie from SOW Consult and a priest; Canon Samuel Lamptey, the Anglican Priest at Ridge Church, discussed the issues of male grief and maternal mortality and answered questions from the audience.

Pastor Karim explained how he dealt with his grief, while supporting his three kids, and went on to encourage other men who have lost their wives through the same process.

Narrating his experience, he said, “she went into the labour room at 9am and by 9:30am, the nurses came to tell me she was no more. It was a hard moment for me; after 15 years of marriage, I couldn’t believe my wife, Ama just left me. She attended all her antenatal and the nurses told me there was nothing wrong with her. I was so helpless, fell ill and was hospitalized with two of my kids.” Pastor Karim stated that the support of family and friends and his faith in the word of God “sustained, encouraged and kept me going whenever I felt I was at the end of the road”; he recounted.

Speaking at the event on the panel discussion segment, Dr. McCarthy, stated that the issue of maternal mortality is an economic problem and should not be solely seen as a health challenge. He said “your risk of dying is proportionate to the country you are living in”. He provided some startling statistics “If you are in a high income country, your lifetime risk of maternal mortality is 1 in 3,300 whereas if you are in a low income country, your lifetime risk is 1 in 41”. He explained that the economy of a country has a direct relationship with the safety of mothers, thus the need to “up our game” in building the Ghanaian economy to save more lives and drastically reduce maternal mortality.

Nonetheless, he said there’s been a significant decline in maternal mortality due to improvement in healthcare delivery, facility and equipment and training of health workers.

On the issue of Male Grief, psychologist Mrs. Christiana Kwofie explained that the assumption that African men don’t grieve is misplaced and is a myth. She said “while women are inclined to openly express their emotions after losing a loved one, men, on the otherhand tend to ‘man up’ and hide their pain”.

Mrs. Kwofie explained that grief is individualized as people respond to it differently depending on the gravity or circumstance of the loss. She, therefore, advised the audience not to be “judgemental of people grieving but rather to give them the peace they need and support them to completely heal emotionally. On what not to do during cases of death or loss she said “do not say ‘be strong’ to a man when he is grieving, it makes him feel the need to harden up some more; do not say ‘I know what you are feeling’, because you do not. If you want to support, you can say ‘I can imagine your pain’ or say nothing at all”. Mrs. Kwofie encouraged everyone to be very sensitive to men grieving and not to take their pain for granted.

On his part, Canon Samuel Lamptey, stated that men tend to suppress grief and sorrow as society expects them to be strong. He, however, made it clear that men need attention, comfort and support just like women.

He stated that men tend to be vulnerable when they turn up for counseling sessions during grieving times which is an indication they need more attention than society cares to acknowledge.

“When you see men acting ‘macho’ (strong) let’s not think it is well with them. They also need comfort. Men want to be spoiled too. When they come for counselling, they are very receptive to the word of God and want an assurance from God.” Canon Lamptey said.

However, he stated, that in his experience, men in times of grief are able to rationalise and accept situations much easier and faster than women do, providing them a good opportunity to go through the grieving process and ultimately come out of it.

He encouraged participants to use the word of God as the basis for everything as the word has answers to every issue faced in lives.

For Pastor Michael Karim, “I made Jesus my best friend, my comforter and my God. It wasn’t easy for me but my God kept me and took my three kids and I through the storm” he testified as he shared the ordeal he went through after losing his wife with participants at the LMB seminar.

Live, Move, Have your Being, is a not-for-profit organisation, which seeks to empower, provide and assist urban families manage fertility and pregnancy related challenges through medical help, psychological counsel and spiritual guidance.