Living Your Life Without Seeking The Approval Of Others

Belief in yourself is more important than endless worries of what others think of you. Value yourself and others will value you. Validation is best that comes from within. ~ Ngugi wa THIONG’O

Every human being has at one time or another sought validation and approval from others for what they said and did in their lives. Parents taught their children to seek approval for their choices and for whatever they wanted to do.

Once they are conditioned to always seek validation and approval from others, they carried it into their adult lives. It’s not uncommon for students to seek validation from their teachers before choosing a course and by extension their profession or career to pursue.

In their working life, it’s the boss who must validate what they do. And when they marry, they turn to their spouse.

People who have a poor self-esteem may want to bolster this by seeking validation from other people. They are looking for compliments and endorsements from others.

They want someone to cheer them on. They want a pat on the back that they are doing well.

Some people lack self-confidence to make independent decisions and choices. And it’s because of the fear of making mistakes that could prove costly to them.

They are therefore into the cycle of constantly seeking the validation and approval of others. Hopping from place to place looking for validation can be time consuming and exhausting.

When you see someone always seeking validation from others to live their life, they are conformists. Like the chameleon, they must fit in wherever they find themselves.

Seeking the validation and approval of others isn’t bad in itself. It’s bad when it becomes a habit.

Do not live your life always looking for validation from others. It’s your life, live it on your own terms without seeking validation.

Always remind yourself that you are an original and not a carbon copy. You’re fearfully and wonderfully made and endowed with gifts to share with the world.

If you have a vision to transform your life and change the world, you don’t need anyone’s permission or approval. Go after your dreams, live out your dream without caring what others think.

You’re not living your true life by seeking approval in others. People could murder your dream just by their disapproval.

In a beautiful and fascinating statement, Sara Blakely, a motivational expert advises, “Don’t solicit feedback on your product, idea or your business just for validation purposes. You want to tell the people who can help move your idea forward, but if you’re just looking to a friend, co-worker, husband or wife for validation, be careful. It can stop a lot of multimillion-dollar ideas in their tracks in the beginning.” It’s not everybody you should trust and believe in.

In your presence, they can openly disapprove of your idea. But secretly they can work on your idea and make it a reality. This is enough to break your heart.

By seeking validation from others to live your life, you’re unknowingly giving to them your personal power. You no longer own your life, they own you. You become a pawn in their hands.

With regards to giving one’s personal power away as a result of seeking validity for our lives, Shakti Gawain famously said: “When we consistently suppress and distrust our intuitive knowingness, looking instead for authority, validation and approval from others, we give our personal power away.”

Trish Macgregor expressed similar sentiments when wrote: “Don’t seek approval. This may be the toughest suggestion for you to follow – and the most important. Whether you’re a teenager seeking approval from your peers, a middle-aged parent seeking the approval of your kids, or a man or woman seeking the approval of a partner, it all amounts to the same thing. You’re giving your personal power away every time you seek validation from someone else for who you are.”

Trust your instincts and follow your heart; they are the best to validate your life. You cannot be comfortable with external validations.

Faith and belief in yourself and in Higher Power is enough to validate your life and for all you say and do. Don’t seek validation in untrusted sources. T. Harv Eker wrote, “If you believe you’re plenty, you will validate that belief and create plenty of abundance.”

Geoffrey Chaucer once said, “Time and tide wait for no man.” Time is a critical resource that cannot be stored and used at will.

It’s a distraction and a waste of time to be going round seeking validation and approval from others to live your life. The best approval must be your own. Steve Maraboli said it best when he said, “Life is too short to waste time waiting for other people’s approval on how you live it.”

We all know happiness comes from within. It comes from doing the things we love. It comes from doing what resonates with the heart.

When we do things with our own approval, we feel happy. When we seek validation from others and we do not get it, we can feel shattered and disappointed.

Finding happiness in life does not require the approval of others. Live your life in a way that feels right for you. Live your life on your own terms without the validation of others. Don’t let the opinions of others drown your own.

Respect your own opinion of who you are. Make your higher self the best approving authority of your life.

Your happiness can also come from your connections with people. You have a right to decide who to hang out with and who to keep away.

Your happiness does not need the validation of others. Kurt Cobain profoundly said, “You do learn things and one of them is that happiness has nothing to do with validation from other people, the most important thing is being happy with yourself…finding something that is important to you and sticking with it no matter what anyone says. The truth is you’ve got to really be tough because there are all kinds of forces that are always trying to get you to do things their way…trying to tell you that you’re throwing your life away if you don’t follow their advice.”

When you seek validation for your choices, and many give their approval, be discerning, it may not favour you. Consensual approval may be deceptive and misleading. In his book, “The New Speaker’s Treasury of Wit and Wisdom,” Oliver Crommwell, advises, “Do not trust to the cheering, for those very persons would shout as much if you and I were going to be hanged.”

We must understand that in life, we will meet with unwelcome challenges. Failure and setbacks do not validate that you aren’t good enough. Jillian Michaels said it best when she said, “Failure is a matter of perspective. Think of all the people you admire. I guarantee you they all failed at one time or another. The key is to recognize setbacks for what they really are…entry points for learning, not validation that you aren’t good enough. After a disappointment analyze your actions, get feedback from friends, and take inventory of what you could do better next time. This type of self-reflection and improvement will ultimately make success inevitable.”

Even the most healthy and well developed individuals make mistakes. Mistakes, setbacks and failure offer great opportunities for us to learn, gain experience and wisdom which we can add to our arsenal for rising to the top.

All in all, approval should not become a need for you. You don’t really need the approval of others to feel good about yourself.

Your own approval of who you are and what you do is critical for living the life of your dreams. Do not seek approval from doubtful sources.

A very wise person said, “Seeking approval of others is typically a good indication that we’ve been shortchanging our potential for greatness.” You cannot live a fulfilling and satisfying life by seeking validation in others. You are not living life to the fullest. You are susceptible to manipulation through approval or disapproval by others.

Here is my favourite quote from Wayne Dyer to conclude my thoughts: “Needing approval is like saying ‘your view of me is more important than my own opinion of myself.”

Yours in inspiration,
Abundant Robert K. AWOLUGUTU, Writer & Author