Most parents love and respect adult children more than one another

Feature Article Most parents love and respect adult children more than one another
NOV 10, 2023 LISTEN

There are many reasons to respect our adult children when they are focused and well behaved but hardly any reason to fear them. All cultures preach respect and honor for our parents especially in their old age. It is the responsibility of parents to take care and provide for children. When we can, children should take care of their parents and if they are not able, show them kindness and love, even if they are financially independent.

Women have to be protected, not only from abusive husbands but also from their own sons that may have gone haywire. The same children some women suffered for in abusive relationships so that they can have a man at home. There is no superwoman strong enough in a single family home. But it is even worse if the woman ends up maimed or dead in any abusive relationship.

One horrible video that went viral of a young man that beat and abused his mother was enough to haunt most people. The men and Youths in the community tied him to a tree and caned him appropriately. We do not beat or hardly abuse our parents in Africa. When young adults become unreasonable and uncomfortably distant from their parents, it is time to part ways. No matter what, unlucky mothers realize that the respect and fear of the husbands they rejected, may have been passed on to an unruly son.

There are also good and conscientious men out there who have never beaten their wives but suffer from neglect. Broke and dejected after spending all their goodwill and life savings on families that turned out to be ingrates. Many women would bear the fault of their children, especially sons for habits they hardly tolerate from husbands. Yet, women rightly depend on fathers to discipline erring kids. Some adult children hold this against their fathers.

Nevertheless, parents fear unpredictable behavior of some children, especially their sons. It gets worse when the father is absent. Grown children are just more difficult for single parents to nurture. Providing for children in single family homes may require two or three jobs taking parents out of the house most of the time. Without adults at home, children take to the unpredictable jungle and drugs in the mean streets.

The world is changing and some parents are losing control of their children before they become adults. A son may become more domineering than his father, claiming to be the new man of the house. As soon as they start making a little money, though not enough to take care of themselves, some of them grow wings. But if either of their parents threaten to kick them out, they complain of an unkind father. Strong single parent mothers are overwhelmed.

Some of these sons exploit it as a weakness or love of their mothers. Even when children make more money than their parents, they may take advantage of their old lady by asking for favors from the little money mothers have. Since their fathers would query some bad spending habits more than mothers. By the time they leave home, children of the middle class would come home and raid the goodies at their parents' home.

The mothers are always happy to be generous while their children's poor colleagues would furnish the homes of parents with groceries and more. Some parents may end up living with their children because they moved back home or one of the parents may move in with one of their children to babysit since she may be too old to live alone. It is much easier for the mothers than the fathers.

The rules change and are more complicated especially for parents that used to be in charge of their own houses. Moving in with sons, some little competition for the attention of their sons arise. Son may be torn between them, usually between wife and mother. It gets complicated or frivolous when the wife and the mother demand to sit beside their husband or son (in the car). By the way, it happens everywhere, though rare in Africa.

We may not generalize but family sanity is much better in Africa than for Africans in the Diaspora. It was U.S. President Reagan Housing Secretary Patricia Harris that said she did not just stop being the slave of the white man just to become the slave of the Black man. Well, some sons in Africa and the world missed that memo. Women did not stop being the slave of husbands only to be cowed by their sons. Indeed strong women would not take from their sons the behavior they rejected from husbands.

Mothers are easier to manipulate or manage than fathers. They are also more useful at home than fathers. When mothers are staying with their adult children's family, they help out in the house cooking and babysitting while husband and wife are working. But the fathers hardly stay long with their children's family or help out in the house. There is not enough room in the ship for two captains. One must stand down.

There are enough warnings out there that fathers should save some money they would need when the time comes. Since the fathers are not as useful to their children as the mothers in their adult years, he may become lonely in his old age. Most fathers spend all their time working in order to make enough to take care of families. Those wealthy enough go beyond the call of duty, send their children overseas for "good education" that turned sour.

Unfortunately, what they considered good education abroad alienated their children from African culture, a duty to parents especially in their old age by miseducation. These children only come back home on short holidays or whenever either of the parents passes away. In short, they become a lost generation. They are hardly tolerated or respected abroad and in most cases underemployed working under natives that are far less educated or as qualified.

There are enough warnings to men that women have come a long way. They are no longer the mothers they grew up with. So, men are advised to prepare for their old age and make adequate preparation for their physical and financial health. No matter how much contribution a man made to the family, only a fool will compete for the attention of children with their mother. How for do nah!

Meanwhile, children bring their mothers closer to their homes in Africa or overseas as they desert their fathers. If these fathers keep enough money for their old age, they can afford to hire help around the house. Other fathers may even marry a younger wife that will take care of their needs. But only if he does not fall into the wrong hands of another "chop and go: igi da eye fo".