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How To Deal With A Partner Who Thinks You Are Always Wrong

How To Deal With A Partner Who Thinks You Are Always Wrong
13.04.2021 LISTEN

If you always feel like your partner thinks you're wrong, it can put a strain on your relationship. The best tactic is to have a discussion with your partner about how it makes you feel. However, if your partner actually does always think you're wrong (as in, they always blame you/never give in in an argument), you may be dealing with a narcissist, which makes it the situation more difficult. You also need to consider whether you are in a toxic relationship, where the best option is likely to be leaving the relationship.

Having a Discussion with Your Partner
Confront the issue soon. It's important to discuss the issue with your partner, as they may not even realize that they always assume you're wrong. You may be inclined to avoid the issue, but that will only continue to drive a wedge between you and your partner. It's best to confront the issue head-on if possible.[1]

Plus, if you avoid the problem too long, you may find that you start having bursts of anger at your partner, which puts a strain on your relationship.

Think through what you want to say. It can help to take a few moments and think about what you'd actually like to say to your partner. You don't want a typed-out speech, as that will distance you from your partner. However, having a general idea of what you what to say is good, particularly choosing a few phrases that can get your point across without making your partner feel horrible.

Pick a time to have the conversation. It can be helpful to give your partner a head's up that you want to have a discussion. That way, your partner won't feel ambushed with what you have to say. Additionally, it gives you both a chance to pick a good time together.

For example, you could say, "I'd like to have a discussion about the way we argue, particularly the way I feel like I always end up being in the wrong. When's a good time for you?"

If your situation differs a bit, you could say something like, "I'd like to have a discussion with you about how I feel my opinion is often not valued. When can we talk?"

Use an "I" statement. When discussing the problem with your partner, the most effective way to talk about is to use "I" statements. That is, talk about what's wrong starting with "I," focusing on your feelings, rather than starting with "you," which sounds like you're blaming the other person. Using "I" statements is generally more effective at opening a dialogue.

For instance, you might say, "I feel like that most of the time I end up being 'wrong' in an argument or discussion. I get upset because you're insistent that you're correct, and I end up giving up on the issue."

Alternatively, you could say, "I feel like you don't respect my opinion or expertise in most situations. It makes me upset to always be in the wrong."

On the other hand, "You always think you're right and I'm wrong" isn't a good way to start the conversation.

Listen to what the other person has to say. If you go into the discussion planning a monologue, that won't be effective. You have to be able to listen to what the other person has to say, as you are trying to communicate back and forth about a problem, so you both need a chance to be heard.

Your partner may surprise you with what they have to say. For instance, you may find that they feel the same, that you always think they're wrong. Once you realize that you both feel that way, you can work towards having better communication in the future.

To get your partner talking, make sure to give them an opening in the conversation. For example, you could say, "Now that I've said my spiel, I want to hear from you. What are you thinking and feeling?"

Gauge your partner's reaction. After listening to what your partner says about this particular topic, consider what's behind the words. How your partner ends up responding could indicate they're willing to work on the issue and the relationship. On the other hand, what they say may indicate your problem runs deeper, and you may want to seek counseling or end the relationship.

For instance, if your partner says, "Well, that's just stupid. You are wrong most of the time," that's not a very supportive or open response.

On the other hand, a response such as, "I hadn't realized that I made you feel that way. That is a problem. Let's figure out how we can work together to resolve this issue," is a supportive response that shows they are willing to work with you. From there, you could say, "I'm glad to hear you say that. Here's what I think a good solution would be:"

Listen to how your partner responds. If your partner cannot reciprocate the "I" statement or if they start blaming you again, it might be a sign that they are not willing to work it out.

Work on a solution. Once you've both had your chance to speak, discuss how you can both do better moving ahead. Discuss ways you think could solve the problem, and ask your partner to come up with ways they think the problem could be solved.

For example, maybe you could have a safe word to halt an argument and evaluate who's feeling like the other person is saying they're "wrong." Just stopping in the middle of an argument to evaluate how each of you is feeling can help to bridge the communication gap.

Alternatively, you could agree that you'll point out to your partner when you think that they're not valuing your opinion or expertise.

Consider counseling. If your partner seems receptive to change but you can't figure out how to move forward, consider seeing a professional. Find a counselor in your area who can help you work through your problems. If you're not sure who to see, consider asking close friends if they have any recommendations.

Isaiah Dakudji
Isaiah Dakudji

Relationship and parenting contributor
Page: IsaiahDakudji

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