Fri, 06 Sep 2013 Feature Article

Absurdities Of The Bible

Absurdities Of The Bible

'New converts make the worst zealots.' - Anon.

"When Samson ran off with the gate-posts of Gaza, if he ever did so, (and whether he did or not is nothing to us,) or when he visited his Delilah, or caught his foxes, or did anything else, what has revelation to do with these things? If they were facts, he could tell them himself; or his secretary, if he kept one, could write them, if they were worth either telling or writing; and if they were fictions, revelation could not make them true; and whether true or not, we are neither the better nor the wiser for knowing them. When we contemplate the immensity of that Being, who directs and governs the incomprehensible WHOLE, of which the utmost ken of human sight can discover but a part, we ought to feel shame at calling such paltry stories the word of God." - Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason.

'The notion that faith in Christ is to be rewarded by an eternity of bliss, while a dependence upon reason, observation and experience merits everlasting pain, is too absurd for refutation, and can be relieved only by that unhappy mixture of insanity and ignorance, called 'faith.'' - Robert Ingersoll.

Uberfacts: If all the known stars in the universe were divided amongst everyone on Earth, we would each own about 44.2 trillion stars.

I never will know what the Christians, especially those of them in Africa, ever hope to achieve by claiming that the collections of absurd lies and forgeries, they call a Bible, is the word of an omnipotent and omniscient god.

As Senator Moynihan one famously said: We are all entitled to our opinions, but certainly not to our facts.

What we know as indisputable fact is that what the Christians today call a Bible was put together at the Council of Nicae conference in AD325. We also know that the conference was called at the instigation of one of the most murderous ruler ever, Emperor Constantine.

The records of the proceeding at Nicae are in the public domain, and they are accessible except for those for whom a desire to learn is a great challenge.

What we also known for a fact is that the King's James version of the Bible was produced at the urgings of one of the most homicidal Kings to grace the throne of that isle of iniquities, Britain, King James.

When we write about these and other facts concerning the Christian faith and its so-called 'holy book,' we have totally mindless people jumping up and down to insult.

Sadly, it is mostly Africans who remain too dogmatic, too bigoted and too blinded to reason; most priests in Europe today no longer believe in the literal correctness of the Bible.

Lacking any cogent argument or fact to refute what we write, these Jesus-warriors resort to personal insults and mudslinging.

It never occur to them to question why the son of their all-powerful god will need the defense of mere mortals.

If, for argument sake, we agree that a god exist that created human being and endowed it with the faculty we call brain, what would be the purpose if not to use it to think?

Why is it impossible for these over-zealous Christian to use their brains to think and find out if something accord with logic and with reason?

Buddha advised us: 'Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.'

Why do Christians ignore this eminently sensible advice and keep to a dogmatic belief in a doctrine that is repugnant to reason and too absurd even for refutation?

What exactly do the Christians in Africa do with their brains if they tell us the hogwash contain in their so-called holy book was inspired by an intelligent god?

How could any honest and truthful person read the Christian Bible and proclaim that it is the absolutely correct words of an intelligent god, and that it is without errors?

As we have it, the Bible is riddled with infantile lies, utterly stupid forgeries and sheer absurdities.

Absurdity: 'something ludicrous: something that is ridiculous because of being irrational, incongruous, or illogical.'

Since the lies and the absurdities of the Bible are far numerous to chronicle in a single article, let's attempt to point out the silliest among them.

1. The creation absurdity
The first absurdity started with the creation story of which Genesis has two different accounts of the creation of man and woman.

In the first account in Genesis 1:27, we read Genesis 1:27 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.'

In the second account in Genesis 2:21-23 'And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.'

And the Christians tell us that we must believe these two irreconcilable contradictions in order to enter paradise.

2. The creation absurdities continue:
Genesis 1:14-19 'And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:

And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.

And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,

And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.'

The only thing we can say here is that any grown up that believe these tales should go for psychiatric assessment.

Are those who argue about the accuracy of the Bible still believe that the moon (a lump of satellite that moves around the earth) has light?

3. The fall from grace absurdity
According to the Biblical yarn, Eve persuaded Adam to eat from the tree of knowledge, and this made god very angry and he decided to punish human beings.

Any thinking person will ask: i. why would god be against the acquisition of knowledge; ii. Why an intelligent god would waste its time to create something that will displease him?

In fact, the whole Biblical creation story is so palpably absurd that it beggars believe that any sane and intelligent person can even begin to believe it.

4. The tower of Babel absurdity
Genesis 11:1 "And the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech."

The Christian Bible tells us about a god changing the language of the world because people displeased him by building a tower!

Whoever believe this nonsense needs her head examine!

One hardly needs a degree in anthropology to know that human languages constantly evolves.

Suffice however to say that this is another Babylonian legend copied by the Bible compilers. The Babylonian tale had their 'Bab-ilu' which means 'the gate of god.'

That is not all, Genesis 11 directly contradicts Genesis 10:5 where we read: "By these were the isles of the Gentiles divided in their lands; every one after his tongue, after their families, in their nations."

5. Moses miraculous rod absurdity
In Exodus, the compilers borrowed the story of Bacchus or Orpheus to create their story of a mythical exodus from Egypt led by Moses. According to the Bacchus story, he also led an army to pass through a dry shod on the Red Sea.

Both stories are mythical: unsupported by any historical record. Many people believe that it has its origin in Alexander the Great crossing a tidal estuary in Asia Minor.'

The Ancient Egyptian left copious literature and in none did they mentioned the habiru, today Hebrews.

As to Moses receiving a book of law, the least we can say is that there is absolutely nothing new here as Minos, the Cretan law-giver, ascended Mount Dicta and received from Zeus the sacred laws. The Persians have a similar legend of how Zoroaster received from Ormuzd The Book of the Lawthe Zend Avesta.

And one only needs to read the Egyptian Book of the Dead to know from where the so-called Ten Commandemnets were lifted verbatim.

6. The Joshua stopping the sun absurdity
According to the Christians we must, in order to be save (from whatever), believe that Joshua stopped the sun in order to continue killing the people of Jericho.

If the ancients thought the sun stood still, why should any thinking man in this age believe the same nonsense?

This tale could make sense in era when people believe that the sun revolves around the earth.

Is there a Christian who still believe same today?
7. Samson exploits absurdity
To the incredulous Christians who still believe in the originality of the Bible, sorry to disappoint but the six exploits of Samson were all lifted from the story of Hercules who performed twelve allegorical exploits.

But why should I believe the fanciful tales of Samson in order to be save? Of what utility to me were tale of Samson pulling down a temple or having his dread cut off through the betrayal of Delilah?

8. The Virgin birth absurdity
Christian take serious the yarn that their Jesus was born of a virgin. In era when people rely on legends and superstitions, miraculous births were fashionable. Caesar, Cicero, Alexander were people said to have had miraculous births.

We dealt with this illogicality in the article: 'Stop teaching the Bible to Children.'

9. Abram prostituted his wife in Egypt
Genesis 12:10-20 'Now there was a famine in the land, and Abram went down to Egypt to live there for a while because the famine was severe. As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, 'I know what a beautiful woman you are. When the Egyptians see you, they will say, 'This is his wife.' Then they will kill me but will let you live. 13 Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you.

When Abram came to Egypt, the Egyptians saw that Sarai was a very beautiful woman. And when Pharaoh's officials saw her, they praised her to Pharaoh, and she was taken into his palace. He treated Abram well for her sake, and Abram acquired sheep and cattle, male and female donkeys, male and female servants, and camels.

But the LORD inflicted serious diseases on Pharaoh and his household because of Abram's wife Sarai. So Pharaoh summoned Abram. 'What have you done to me?' he said. 'Why didn't you tell me she was your wife? Why did you say, 'She is my sister,' so that I took her to be my wife? Now then, here is your wife. Take her and go!' Then Pharaoh gave orders about Abram to his men, and they sent him on his way, with his wife and everything he had.'

So, the Christians want us to believe this nonsensical pornography in order to be saved? Tchaah!

10. Jesus and the hog absurdity - Mark 5:10-13
'And he besought him much that he would not send them away out of the country. Now there was there nigh unto the mountains a great herd of swine feeding. And all the devils besought him, saying, Send us into the swine, that we may enter into them. And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand;) and were choked in the sea.'

Can anybody believe this nonsense if they use their senses?

11. The sun leading wise men absurdity
Can any honest and intelligent human being, even one with only the most basic understanding of our solar system, believe the story that a star led three wise men to the manger when Jesus was born?

This tale could have excited ancient people with no knowledge that the closest star to earth is more than a billion miles away, and that they do not move. The idea should even be entertained by anyone with the most rudimentary understanding of the solar system.

It requires only common sense to know that should any star stray, mis-aligned itself, it will throw the whole delicate solar system out of sync with very disastrous consequences for those of us here on earth.

And yet, the Christians insist that this impossible tale happened and that we must continue to believe it!

12. Joshua stop the Sun absurdity - Joshua 10:12-14

It was on the day when the Lord gave up the Amorites into the hands of the children of Israel that Joshua said to the Lord, before the eyes of Israel, Sun, be at rest over Gibeon; and you, O moon, in the valley of Aijalon. And the sun was at rest and the moon kept its place till the nation had given punishment to their attackers. (Is it not recorded in the book of Jashar?) So the sun kept its place in the middle of the heavens, and was waiting, and did not go down, for the space of a day. And there was no day like that, before it or after it, when the Lord gave ear to the voice of a man; for the Lord was fighting for Israel.

It is incredible that anyone can have the benefit a high school science education and still believe this fanciful but impossible tale.

13. The Noah's Ark absurdity.
According to this tale, God destroyed the world because he was angry. Only Noah got seven days of warning. During which time, he built an ark and miraculously collected species from all the animals inhabiting the earth.

We were not told how Noah managed this impossible feat, but we know that the Biblical tale is simply not true, as it is a mere plagiarized version of the older Babylonian tale found in the 'Epic of Gilgamesh,' which readers can access here:

14. The rainbow as a sign absurdity - Genesis 9:12-13

And God said, 'This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations: I have set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth.

Elementary science teaches that rainbow is 'an arc of light separated into bands of color that appears when the Sun's rays are refracted and reflected by drops of mist or rain.'

More absurdities we must believe in order to be saved (from whatever)!

We need to ask those Christians that go around disturbing our peace why it is necessary to believe the following absurdities in order to receive their god's salvation:

- 'Their wealth will be plundered, their houses demolished. Though they build houses, they will not live in them; though they plant vineyards, they will not drink the wine.' - Zephaniah 1:13

- 'So he said, You have asked a hard thing. Nevertheless, if you see me when I am taken from you, it shall be so for you; but if not, it shall not be so.' Then it happened, as they continued on and talked, that suddenly a chariot of fire appeared with horses of fire, and separated the two of them; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven.' - 2 Kings 2: 10-11

- 'And it came to pass that night, that the angel of the LORD went out, and smote in the camp of the Assyrians an hundred fourscore and five thousand: and when they arose early in the morning, behold, they were all dead corpses.' - 2 Kings 19:35

- Exodus 32:27'And he said unto them, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbour.'

- 'But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.' - Numbers 31:18

- 'And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend in the siege and straitness, wherewith their enemies, and they that seek their lives, shall straiten them.' - Jeremiah 19:9

- 'Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.' - Exodus 22:18

- 'If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them. Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.' - Deuteronomy 21:18-21

- 'You must destroy all the peoples the LORD your God gives over to you. Do not look on them with pity and do not serve their gods, for that will be a snare to you.' - Deuteronomy 7:16

- 'So the LORD sent a plague on Israel, and seventy thousand men of Israel fell dead. And God sent an angel to destroy Jerusalem. But as the angel was doing so, the LORD saw it and relented concerning the disaster and said to the angel who was destroying the people, 'Enough! Withdraw your hand.' The angel of the LORD was then standing at the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite.' - 1 Chronicles 14-15 .

- When God is preparing to go on another murdering spree, he tells the people of Israel to smear blood on their doors so that he'll know which homes are occupied by his chosen people - Exodus 12:13.

- 'At that time I will search Jerusalem with lamps and punish those who are complacent, who are like wine left on its dregs, who think, 'The LORD will do nothing, either good or bad.' - Zephaniah 1:12-13.

We have, by no means, compiled all the absurdities in the Christian Bible. The question is thus beggared: How could any sane person, honest, educated and intelligent read these words and attribute them to an infinitely intelligent god?

Which but the most barbaric of gods would utter these words the Christians attribute to their omnipotent and omniscient god?

In a follow-up piece we shall explore some of the atrocities the Christian god committed as recorded in the book they tell us is the actual word of a god.

Which team do you think has the higher chance of winning the 2024 elections?

Started: 02-07-2024 | Ends: 31-10-2024