Lessons my father taught me

Among the Igbo people of Nigeria, there is an understanding that only a foolish old man would like to be buried with his knowledge. If he is not foolish, he would find a way to let the younger generations inherit his wisdom in addition to the one they acquired from their personal experiences in life.

Before his exit, nearly 30 years ago, my father was one of the prominent senior teachers from the Igbo tribe who were greatly admired and respected in the country, but mostly within the Anglican Church Community of Nigeria. For decades, he was head teacher in some of the big Anglican Colleges such as St. John's College, Diobu in Rivers State and Teacher Training Colleges, Umudi and Irette, both in Imo State.

Growing up, my father remained a towering figure in my life. He was not just my provider and protector. He was a role model and a mentor whose teaching shaped my approach to various aspects of life. His lessons often came through simple, profound statements that resonated with me as I navigated my own journey of life.

One of the earliest and most enduring lessons I learnt from my father was about the importance of financial management. He often said to me: "Son, you must manage your money or your money will manage you." For me years afterwards, this reminder, as it were, encapsulated the necessity to take control of my financial destiny. Right from my tender age, my father kept emphasizing for me, the importance of budgeting, saving, and investing. He taught me that every naira should have a purpose and that living within my means should always be the cornerstone of my financial stability.

His approach was simple, yet effective: track your expenses, save for the future and avoid unnecessary debt. By adhering to these principles, he too ensured that our family was never in want, even during tough economic times. Moreover, my father demonstrated the power of delayed gratification. He often chose to forgo immediate pleasures for long-term gains, a practice that, in later years, greatly influenced my financial decisions. His wisdom taught me that true financial freedom comes more from making informed and disciplined choices, rather than yielding to impulsive spending.

Family, according to my father, is always the bedrock of society. He believed, and also taught me, that it is the responsibility of the man to keep his family united, even when he is faced with such challenges as stubborn children and a dissident wife. "It is the man’s task to put his family together in one bit," he would say, "whether it is during times of family discord or in the peace and serenity of family get-together. If he fails, no one else can do it for him."

My father’s commitment to family was unwavering. He played the role of a mediator, a peacemaker, and a pillar of strength to each and every member of our family. No matter how difficult the circumstances were, he strove to maintain harmony within the household. His approach was rooted in patience, fairness and equity, understanding and unconditional love. He listened more than he spoke and always sought to understand and appreciate each family member’s perspective.

Through his actions, my father taught me the importance of perseverance and dedication to the maintenance of family bonds. He showed me, as his eldest son, that true leadership within the family context involved not only guiding my siblings but also nurturing real relationships with them. He taught me that not only are the son and the daughter the pillars of the family, but more importantly that they have a duty to carry their siblings along. His example has continued to be a guiding light for me, highlighting the fact that the strength of a family lies only in its unity and mutual support.

In a world increasingly driven by materialism, my father’s moral compass was firmly set on respect for ourselves and for others, especially the elderly ones. "Self respect and respect for older people rather than for money is the key to peace of mind," he often reminded me. And so, my father held a deep reverence for the wisdom and experiences of older generations. He believed that respecting ourselves in the first place, and respecting elders was a fundamental aspect of human decency and a critical element of inner peace. His actions spoke louder than words. He always made out time to visit elderly relatives and friends, listen to their stories, and seek their counsel, if necessary. This respect was not contingent on their financial status or social standing but was a recognition of their inherent worth and the life lessons they carried.

In a great measure, this principle has profoundly influenced my own values. In a society where financial success is often equated with personal worth, my father’s teachings remind me that true peace of mind comes from honouring the intrinsic values of people, especially those who have walked the path before us. Respecting and caring for older individuals not only enriches our lives but also fosters our sense of community and continuity.

The lessons I learnt from my father have been invaluable, guiding me through the complexities of life. His wisdom on finance, family and morals has provided a solid foundation upon which I have built my own life, and my family. By managing money wisely, maintaining family unity, and respecting older individuals, I have found a path that leads to stability, harmony, and inner peace. These principles, imparted with love and lived out through his example, are the legacies of my father that I strive to uphold every day. What if I shared these with my family and friends?