You Can’t Go Back, Bloody Fool!

This is not the very first time that Truly Yours has diagnosed the five-time defeated Candidate Alan John Kwadwo Kyerematen, the longest-playing Trade and Industry Minister, and authoritatively concluded that this septuagenarian egomaniac has been off his rocker, as New Yorkers are wont to say, for more than a decade now. You see, the Asante-Edweso/Ejisu native who delusively claims to be of Fante subethnicity, has also said what he recently told the media about having “sacrificed” for the now-President Addo Dankwa Akufo-Addo, vis-à-vis his much older paternal cousin and two-term former President of the Sovereign Democratic Republic of Ghana, namely, Mr. John “The Gentle Giant” Agyekum-Kufuor, the man who a democratically unelectable Mr. Kyerematen his Trade and Industry and Presidential Special Initiatives Minister.

You see, what the hopelessly and irredeemably defeated Candidate Kyerematen is presently saying about Nana Addo Dankwa Akufo-Addo was also said by the morbidly narcissistic Alan Cash – as Mr. Kyerematen is also popularly known – in 2007, shortly after the latter had been thoroughly trounced by the former Attorney-General and Minister of Justice and, subsequently, the reshuffled Minister of Foreign Affairs and ECOWAS Regional Integration. At the time, as I vividly recall, The Cash Man self-infatuatedly claimed that but for the heavy pressure put upon his head and shoulders by some New Patriotic Party stalwarts and other party heavyweights, Big Cousin Agyekum-Kufuor could never have succeeded to the Presidency at the time that the latter did in January 2001 (See “If I Could Go Back, I Wouldn’t Have Given Up My Presidential Position for Akufo-Addo – Alan” Ghanaweb.com 4/20/24).

It goes without saying that contrary to what this lumbering butterball would have his captive audience of blind supporters and sympathizers believe, the then-Candidate Addo Dankwa Akufo-Addo could be better and more aptly described as one who had a more valid and credible claim to have bragged about having made a yeomanly sacrifice to have Candidate Agyekum-Kufuor lead the New Patriotic Party into the 2001 Presidential Election. And you can just trust Sincerely Yours with absolutely no qualms, whatsoever, that had Nana Akufo-Addo jejunely or so emotionally immaturely resigned from the New Patriotic Party, following his very convincing defeat by the former K A Busia-appointed Deputy Foreign Minister, it is almost surefire certain that the proverbial “Gentle Giant” would never have succeeded to the Presidency; but so also would Nana Akufo-Addo never succeeded or acceded to the Presidency, let alone be voted for a two-term Presidency with a record-breaking number of the popular votes.

And the simple reason here is that unlike both Messrs. Agyekum-Kufuor and Akufo-Addo, Alan Kyerematen is a “cardboard” politician bereft of any identifiable and electorally viable constituency in the country. The man never held any elective public office and therefore really has absolutely no politically competitive track record to showcase to the Ghanaian electorate. In short, if any key players of the New Patriotic Party could be unimpeachably described as having made humongous sacrifices towards the success of the institutional establishment of the New Patriotic Party, those key players are definitely none other than Messrs. Agyekum-Kufuor and Akufo-Addo, first and foremost, and not this delirious blowhard philistine who so comically and farcically claims to have made some “investments” into the New Patriotic Party that, somehow, uniquely qualify Candidate Kyerematen to be nominated, unopposed, and elected President of Fourth-Republican Ghana.

I bet my proverbial “Bottom-Cedi” that it still has yet to dawn on the patent political scumbag likes of Messrs. Yaw Buaben Asamoa and Ohene Ntow that their present boss and paymaster complicates matters for these grossly misguided Kyerematen touts, anytime that this “Ungentlemanly Fool” or, perhaps, even more appropriately, “Unruly Fool” opens his pachyderm’s mouth to rancidly malign his political and ideological superiors and, in effect, to inexcusably insult the overwhelming majority of Ghana’s electorate. You see, his constant and morally despicable bragging about having heavily “invested” in and therefore bought and paid for the Presidency of the very institutional establishment of the New Patriotic Party, ought to tell many a critically thinking Ghanaian citizen and registered and eligible voter that Alan Cash fundamentally envisages the metaphorical Elephant Party to be a veritable cash cow to be milked and diced up for a scrumptious feast the likes of which has never been seen or savored in postcolonial Ghana.

It is also downright pathetic for Candidate Kyerematen to have established at least three different straw-caliber political parties and/or movements, in just under four months, following his rather all too predictable and patently unimpressive and rampantly riotous resignation from the very party of which he claims to be a bona fide cofounder and one of the foremost “investors,” namely, the Movement for Change (MFC) – trust me, Great Zimbabwe’s Mr. Morgan Tsvangirai must be laughing and screaming and kicking up his legs silly in his casket and his grave; the Butterfly Party; and now, the Alliance for Revolutionary Change (ARC). Such abject lack of political self-assurance must tell Ghanaian citizens and voters something significant about the mental state of this perpetual 22-year-old UAC Supermarket Manager. The man is simply too ill or much too sick, in American dialectal speak/speech, to be seriously considered for this most adult and intellectually taxing job. Not even as a cabinet appointee in a near-future Mahamudu Bawumia Administration, as was recently suggested by Mr. Aliu Mahama, Jr., the New Patriotic Party’s Member of Parliament for Yendi, in the ancient royal capital of the Dagbon Kingdom.

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By Kwame Okoampa-Ahoofe, Jr., PhD
Professor Emeritus, Department of English
SUNY-Nassau Community College
Garden City, New York
April 20, 2024
E-mail: [email protected]