The Man Inside: My Story Of Change

STARTS

What is Change? Change can be defined as the process which makes someone different to how they previously were. It is a process that takes place over time and requires a willingness to participate. However, change is usually met with reluctance and resistance. We have to understand that it is human nature to resist change. There is fear in the unknown… fear of doing things differently or diverting from the status quo and fear of the challenges which come with change.

Growing up and being raised in a society that expected me to act and behave like a “Man”, I sometimes thought I had it all. But, what I really had was limiting. Even from the days of my childhood I would not dare cry if I fell, lest they labeled me a cry baby, but I always wondered why it was normal for my female friends to shed tears.

I still recall during my High school days, boys who did not drink were labeled weaklings. It was us who bought our female friends snacks during break time. It was us taking the leading role in almost each and every school activity. Growing up in such an environment I became heartless, inconsiderate. I could not show emotion to the opposite sex. Little did I know that the world out there was not a place where I could exploit people to get what I wanted. Gone were the days of bullying every girl who happened to fall victim, gone were the times to become inconsiderate. I had my weaknesses but I just could not admit it. It was just hard to expect that the “Man” inside me was tender and vulnerable enough sometimes that he longed to cry.

There has been a lot of gender programmes that have been implemented, some of which I had been part of before. Through the YMCA Transformative Masculinity Programme though, one of the major breakthroughs I have come to accept is that as a young man I have my own weaknesses and I have to accept them.

In the socio-economic situation that we are living in, I have grown to accept help and even ask for help from my female counterparts, a thing that was unheard of in my past. I still find it difficult to show emotions when I am hurt by my partner or any other female, but I hope, as one of the YMCA Gender Change Catalysts, that this is one milestone I will be able to defeat.

Accepting all these changes or the change in what some individuals still consider appropriate for a man has not been that easy a task. I do hope that I will be able to embrace every transformative stage as there are still others to come. Hopefully I will also be able to impart the knowledge I have acquired to other men so that they understand that gender equality does not mean that 'our' masculinity is being tested.

The Africa Alliance of YMCAs (AAYMCA) is a leading pan African youth development network on the continent, representing national movements in 20 countries, 16 of which are very active. The first YMCA in Africa was established in Liberia in 1881, and the AAYMCA was founded in 1977 as the umbrella body for all national movements on the continent. www.africaymca.org or https://www.facebook.com/AfricaYMCA