Some Of The Causes Of Divorce In Uganda And Elsewhere

Marriage is a complex social institution that has evolved over time, and there are many factors that contribute to its success or failure. Unfortunately, marriage has fallen in stature and respect over the last half century. Part of it is due to the growth of affluence and increased personal choices.

In 2019, for example, Uganda's pastor Bugingo left his wife of 29 years for one of his employees. He publicly reasoned that his wife had been suffering from haemorrhage and had been bleeding for the past 10 years. He went on to justify his infidelity by saying marriage vows are satanic since they're nowhere in the bible. There’s part of me that wants to judge him because of what he said but, at the same time, I have been involved in more marriage disputes to know that there are a lot of things that happen between couples that the public will never know about.

Another factor is that divorce no longer has the social stigma attached to it as was the case in the past. Remarriages are the highest in the history of humanity. So, most modern couples choose to part ways rather than live in unhappy unions. An option that rarely existed in boomer marriages. In Uganda, 7% experience divorce and separation every 4 years. This translates to roughly 370,000 people every year.

Financial instability also causes divorce - more women are working but still a lot of them survive on a man's money, and they manipulate men using Bible or qur’anic verses or sayings of the prophets. Personally, I think If you earn decently, you need not be dependent on someone. In Uganda, if you’re a married man, you are effectively working for your wife - you’re expected to pay the lion’s share of the bills, even if she has a job. In the developed nations, even if you end up divorcing, you will still be working for your wife to support her through alimony. Maintaining her will take up a large portion of your salary. My main point is regarding risk and liability - which is almost exclusively assumed by the male at this point. Even where men are entitled to alimony, it’s seldom awarded to them. Where women are entitled to it, there is no question that it will be awarded.

Another point I would make too is that there have been studies that show women who are higher earners expect their men to earn more or the same and the highest divorce rates are when women out-earn men. The wealthiest women, those who literally don’t need to work at all any more to maintain a good lifestyle, have the highest preference for wealthier men, much more than poorer women. That makes no rational sense as their survival is already ensured, but it is the instinct to crave for male provision on some deep psychological level.

Men, on the other hand, are also waking up and realising they’d rather not be treated as pack-mules, working themselves to the bone to support a woman’s life, when they can simply have a non-marital relationship without committing themselves financially.

Infidelity: Extramarital affairs can erode trust and emotional connection between partners. Infidelity often causes significant damage to the relationship, making it difficult to rebuild trust. However, In Uganda it's very rare to find a woman who divorces her husband because he cheated with another woman.

Incompatibility: Sometimes, couples discover fundamental differences in values, goals, or interests that make it challenging to maintain a fulfilling partnership. Over time, these differences can become irreconcilable. The Harvard Business Review study offers a simple solution: If married couples see themselves more as partners in both income and housework – not limiting themselves to society’s constructed gender roles – it eases marriage anxiety and makes for happier relationships.

Lack of intimacy and affection: Physical and emotional intimacy play crucial roles in maintaining a healthy marriage. When couples lose their connection, become emotionally distant, or experience a lack of affection, it can lead to dissatisfaction and the breakdown of the relationship.

Women’s rights are always correlated to the rates of divorce. As women get more emancipated, marriages become more egalitarian. Which means that when they don’t work for either, there’s a greater chance of divorce. Most divorces are initiated by women in every country in the world. You can check those statistics; they apply to divorces in most developed countries. My stats say 69%, with a rate of 40 - 50% in the US and 37% in Canada. Women used to be treated so badly back in the day. I still see women from poorer backgrounds being mistreated. Child marriage and wife beating are still common in Uganda. Nobody wants to be controlled by someone, everyone wants to live life with freedom, whether it is men or women.

It appears that women have a hard time, ironically, committing to a marriage and are subsequently quicker to leave or divorce when things aren't going optimally. I thought this effect is due to a greater social support circle amongst women as opposed to men. Socially, a woman is better off in a divorce than a man, in addition she's significantly better off financially in a divorce than a man. These taken together, along with social pressure, makes divorce more attractive alternative for a woman as opposed to a man.

Marriage for a man is the financial equivalent of giving somebody, who often only brings a small percentage of the value to the agreement, a fifty percent share in your company, with a clause that they can leave for any reason, and they will keep their 50% share of the company. It literally makes no sense for a man to get married in the modern world. That’s why most men are usually more reluctant to marry to begin with. Most available marriage-material-women are divorced with kids; many young ones just want a sugar daddy to sustain their lazy lifestyle.

Ms.Doreen Nyanjula, deputy Lord mayor, may disagree, but a lot of marriages have also broken down because women expect to have equal power in relationships. Feminism has made them feel that they should be treated equally. Some men would like to see things go back to when women were more dependent and deferential though that’s highly unlikely to happen. And it seems to me that the men will have to adapt.

The fact is modern women do not enjoy being married anymore. You won’t agree with this but, it really has to do with the embedded power differential in traditional marriages. Men generally don’t give up their careers to take care of offspring, downgrade their employment, stop contributing to pensions. Money is power and, in a lot of marriages, that fact is plainly exercised. Many millennials are cohabiting nowadays and negotiating roles and responsibilities.

Nuclear families have also contributed to marriage breakdown. We have become more isolated in the way that we live. In most urban areas, we now have small families, big homes, and are often disconnected from neighbours and community. The 1990s brought in this idea of a self-contained unit with Mom and Dad at the head (mostly Dad) especially in Buganda. Some cultures that still have an emphasis on living with extended family tend to have lower rates of family breakdown. This probably means more support with extended family units, and it helps with raising kids.

Religion isn't so strong in our communities anymore. Our culture has been dominated by religious ideas of how to live righteously for nearly two millennia. Now the religious hold on our secular law system has weakened considerably and so divorce, as many other cultural icons, is looked at from a purely personal point of view rather than as a societal one. It offers us the option of living together "in sin" or just being lovers who have sex without the tension of constant company of our lovers.

Divorce is bad.
The fact is that divorce is a terrible, financially crippling, life-destroying process. However, it may be better than staying in an abusive marriage but in many cases, it will take a huge toll on your life.

Decades of studies examining endpoints like psychological health, behaviour, academic performance, professional success, etc have consistently shown that children who grow up in a household with both parents present and legally married outperform those who don't, in all endpoints. The enhanced financial and emotional security and environmental stability contribute to that, but of course that all depends on the health of the marriage.

Well, as much as a failed institution marriage is, some go wonderfully smooth as wine matures with age. And most of those marriages have few things in common: mutual respect, trust, religion, and a commitment to building a strong and healthy relationship. Whether a marriage is based on love or arranged, it's important for both partners to prioritize their emotional well-being and work together to build a fulfilling and satisfying life together.

It is also important to note that each marriage is unique, and the reasons for divorce can vary widely from couple to couple. Additionally, many divorces occur due to a combination of factors rather than a single cause.

Lastly, divorce isn’t the only proof of a “failed” marriage. Unhappy or abusive marriages outnumber divorces -They are failed marriages as well, but we have no way of getting the real numbers. So, while modern marriages might get a flak for seeing an increased rate of divorce, most millennials consider that to be a good thing and not bad. For example, I know of many women living in slums getting beaten up every day who cannot even think of a divorce because that is not an option. Their life after a divorce is perceived as worse by them. Divorce rate is not a benchmark to check healthy and good marriages. It is just a statistic of how many people took legal action. Marriages by themselves don't work or work. Love or arranged marriage, you must work at it. Basically, people should pray to God daily for their marriages to work.