You were inside your serene environment having a beautiful time with your loved ones, (family) but before you knew it, you were besieged by some hooligans who came and robbed you and left in peace. And as a family head, when you later traced to know who they were, you surprisingly figured out that the bad guys were led by your son who took school fees and said he was going to school but didn't go. Then you immediately bit your finger and told the group that they were lucky and if it weren't for your son's sake, you wouldn't spare them. To you, you love your son so much that you can't punish him---he is your only son. The only one God had given you.
Identity, affiliation, or even what you belong to or what belongs to you and the commitment that stands in between, could often be a curse to you. Take a look at the meaning, the true meaning of identity.
According to Merriam-Webster, identity is as simple as the distinguishing character or personality of an individual.
That's not all but also, the word personality, if broken down, talks about how different you are from other groups or other people. And that's where the problem lies.
Don't forget that the way you choose to behave is as a result of where you grew up or the kind of group you were in when growing up.
This definition defines you as who you are with your entire make-up and character. Even, it simply puts you into a special category of life, a category, that makes it very difficult for you to correct anyone you have committed yourself and life to even if they are doing something wrong, (in that category).
It could even be a special group that you have established yourself in, and of course, you are afraid to talk simply for the reason that you will be betraying someone. Betraying anyone would seem like you are letting the entire group down.
That's commitment at its pinnacle and what keeps you moving on every day. That's also what makes you a human in the said group. That's even what brings you happiness.
There is happiness because, you are an icon of recognition in that group or denomination and for the sake of that alone, you will do anything to keep shining so you can maintain your place for such happiness. The only way to do that is to shut your mouth about the truth. Mind you, happiness is obtained from respect and recognition even if those are earned wrongly.
Because of this respect or recognition, you keep wielding from your denomination, you are most likely to keep your lips sealed about certain truths all the time. You won't talk about them. Your admiration might fall like a heavy stone or you will lose your place if you try to comment on things your group members don't want you to talk about or hear from you.
Now let's talk deeply about identity and its effect. There were two tribes called tribes A and B, who lived across the sea called pinka. Now, they fell into war, and maiming each other. But then, other members of these same tribes A and B, who lived in other countries lived in peace. Only peace! However, when the news arrived that there was war across the sea, all of a sudden, they also started hating each other and even fighting.
That was bigotry or prejudice. You don't fight or hate me overnight, merely because my people are fighting your people somewhere in another world. I am not supposed to hate you because your people are fighting mine somewhere.
That's the work of identity. Identity to the extreme.
Truth, as said, is often a live stick; it burns all the time.
The fear of truth is why the man (who was robbed), spared the entire group and said he did it because of his son.
The fear of truth is why the tribes (A and B) started hating each other in the name that their colleagues were fighting each other across the sea.
But it's better to go for surgery now and be hurt so later, your wound will vanish permanently than go for a painkiller to numb your pain meanwhile, it has not gone permanently. Painkiller, which in my own words stands for lies or untruth, only cools you for a short period but later reveals the actual pain.
The most important reason why it appears too difficult for the truth to be accepted or for a father to say the truth to his son and vice versa is that everyone has already established themselves in a group, (they have found an identity that they want) and therefore, would do anything to sustain it. They do anything to make it live on.
Where one should not talk too much or argue for too long, he or she does. And if he or she doesn't, his identity will fall or will be tainted with shit so they do anything to find 'facts' to defend it even if there aren't any facts to be searched for. Take the above line again and sorry for the inconvenience.
This is the main issue in the world.
Identity to the world is now the steering wheel. Everyone has one and so, drives it in their direction. They forgot, not all the directions are accurate.
You can easily start a fight you don't know anything about because of identity. You can easily insult and assault because of identity. You can easily do anything nasty because you have an identity to defend.
You can easily support a negative course because you want to defend your group or identity. No, You don't have to support the wrong to defend your identity; you rather hold onto the truth to sustain your identity.
Too much attachment is identity to the extreme. That's why killing easily, won't be a great deal for you. I meant to say, some people.
What matters to them is, "I am from that group, this is my group so I must stand for it 'no matter what'. I must defend it, etc". What if you are defending the wrong course? You should choose the humanity group, not any other one. Anything besides is a denomination. The humanity group has the truths welcomed from all perspectives so you can live long, live livelily and live lovely.
The 'No matter what' is a secret killer so you should be advised to first let your reasonable thoughts lead the way. If you fear God, fear Him alone. Make some analysis introspectively before going for a fight if not, you will be fighting your own mother, father or daughter, etc.
This identity syndrome among other negative factors, could be the result of dedication, too much commitment with blindness. However, if you had not strongly taken a side so you could always say the truth about yourself and accept corrections from any perspective they emerge, you would be the happiest man.
Think of Mark Manson when he vehemently argues that, _live a vague life_. Did you think he lied? He didn't.
With a vague life, you won't be trapped in a strict and dying identity meanwhile, you can't complain.