A sermon on dead romance - Merari Alomele

It has been well established that Ghanaian women are romantic, after all. At least behind closed doors! My quarrel with Sikaman women is that they are too secretive. It kills romance! It waters down the libido. Love must be expressed and what you can do indoors, you can also do outdoors so long as it does not breach the laws of decency.

For example if you can kiss your girlfriend indoors, you must be able to give her a peck outdoors without eliciting an earth-tremor reaction from the p. But don't attempt it with a typical Ghanaian woman, sorry lady (they don't like the word 'woman'). If you do it in front of even two people, she'll disown you on the spot. "I don't even know him."

But Ghanaian females are learning to be more receptive to romantic antics. Girls and women from Francophone Togo and Cote d'Ivoire are teaching Ghana women a thing or two. And believe me our women are taking their lessons very seriously.

A kiss or peck in Togo is a normal form of greeting. So they hug and peck for goodness sake. Go and hug and kiss a Ghanaian lady who doesn't know you quite well and you are likely to hear a string of invectives well-crafted to spoil your entire day. It will start with, "Do you think I'm ashawo? Go and kiss your mother!"

If you are seductive enough to woo this lady and take her indoors with a click of the keys to signify "door closed," you'll be amazed at her sudden change in attitude. She will be all over you, planting kisses and doing all the wonderful things she cursed you for. That is what Korkorti has just been telling me.

I don't blame the Ghanaian woman for this phenomenon. Ghanaians are brought up within a certain cultural setting that frowns on the open expression of matters of the heart. For example, females are taught not go give in easily to the overtures of those of the opposite sex, lest they are perceived as cheap.

Isn't this harming our ladies to some extent? They cannot propose to the men they love and that is bad enough if you ask me. A man and woman might be attracted to one another, but in the case where the man is not bold enough to propose love, the onus must fall on the woman to help him out. The truth is that it is not every man who can "rap".

Of course, some women are good at taking the initiative, employing a lot of body language to send the message clear. But some men are just too dull to get the chord. The woman will do everything possible within her romantic repertoire to give the signal that she is available for game. Tragically, the man who might also be interested cannot see it. If you are deaf, are you also blind, the woman would wonder.

The problem with some men is that they have no powers of discernment. Women are more endowed. At any particular time, a woman knows who is likely to propose love to her even weeks before the proposal is made. It is feminine genius. It is a gift. Men don't have it even if they pretend to. They need a second nose to scent it out.

With animals, the male dog is one of the most romantic of the species. A dog will abandon its master and go in search of love even in uncharted territory for days on end. It will attack other males and get bruised just to get a bitch for love. Eventually, it returns to its master with a bloody nose. And the master would wonder what happened to his only bodyguard. All has not been well with the whining canine.

As for the common cat, it has some Ghanaian blood in its veins. The cat is by habit very secretive. It regards love as very sacrosanct and hardly mates in the open. Don't underrate a female cat. It will soon get pregnant and you are not likely to find any 'boyfriend' in the vicinity responsible for the job. As for a dog you can count its numerous husbands and touchline admirers.

Every human being is a romantic animal. Every human action is modelled after animalistic behaviour. In romance, some humans are dogs, roaming all over the place sticking it where it will fit. Others are typically he-goats. The only difference is that they don't often bleat.

Some are romantic cats who are discreet to a fault. I have been wondering where Kwame Alomele really fits here. May be I have to ask my wife. She tells me she knows me better than I know myself and I don't doubt it. But the only problem is that she has never proved it. May be, she doesn't have to.

On the whole, Ghanaian males see faults with their females and conversely. The males claim the females are not romantic, are too secretive, too conservative and "too know." The females also claim the men are too "direct", meaning they don't understand fore-play as a romantic medium. They also see males as too domineering, too admiring of other females' behind, too "chisel", that means too “stingy.”

I am sure the females think there can be no romance without fiscal policy. Ghanaian men should start having diploma courses in Financial Romance. That is how to fund romantic relationships.

That way they will be taught how to construct pie-charts and histograms on domestic budgeting. Allocations to girlfriends will then be determined by plotting needs against available resources. That will be quite interesting.

I don't know whether I'd be permitted to attend such a course, but if I did, I'd suggest to the organisers to add this sub-course. "How to eat your romantic cake and have it."

Credit: Merari Alomele
Email: [email protected]
Source: The Spectator