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01.01.2010 Feature Article

Is there a 20% tax on enjoyment?

Government is taxing akpeteshie to discourage its consumptionGovernment is taxing akpeteshie to discourage its consumption
01.01.2010 LISTEN

Whenever Russians visit Sikaman and chat about good old Russta, they keep bragging about Russian Vodka because they think it is the world's most potent alcoholic beverage. It is only after they drink local gin, brought into the capital from Kwame Danso or Kokoase No.2 that they revise their notes and hail Ghana's celebrated brain-buster akpeteshie!

There is no drink in this world that has such many aliases. The latest include crash landing, AK47 and Charles Taylor. Terms like ogoglo, yayaaya and kill-me-quick are quite outmoded. Terms like kele and sodabi are, however, traditional and stand the test of time.

Akpeteshie, which is local gin, is taken in two forms - raw or bitters (better pronounced peters) I think Saint Peter will not be glad about this one. It takes away from his divine anointing. But believers in akpet think that the stuff is itself spiritual and distills its own anointing.

In fact, some habitual quaffers think that "quarter-quarter two" is enough to take anybody to the gates of heaven. As for entering into heaven proper, it is between you and your sins.

When local gin is taken in the form of bitters, it is assumed that the concoction is patently medicinal. People say it can cure kookoo (piles), stomach upsets, infertility and impotence. Others think it can cure poverty. Once you drink it, you forget about your financial woes.

The popularity of akpet countrywide cannot be discounted. If akpet is personified and stands for presidential elections, it will win at least 92 per cent of the votes.

Pitch raw anyaa against all the Scotch whiskies, Matthews brandies, Russian Vodkas and all the best of beers including Heineken and let Ghanaian drinkers vote their preferences and the result will be astonishing.

Akpeteshie is the secretary-general of all booze.
Only two tots can boost your appetite to an unbelievable extent. Three tots will keep you staggering. Four tots might land you in the nearest gutter if you are a first time believer. Five tots might send you into coma. Of course, you wouldn't be alive to take the sixth, so forget about it.

Once in a while, people contest in akpeteshie drinking competitions and the result is always disastrous. The last one I heard, the casualties ended at Korle-Bu.

Akpeteshie can destroy your liver and send you straight to your maker - no curve no bend!

Go to Korle-Bu and you'll be told that liver-related diseases are soaring in their numbers. They include cirrhosis, hepatitis and ascites. People should drink better distilled stuff within the Alomo Bitters fraternity.

Check out Ogidigidi Bitters that people say saved their marriages. They couldn't get it up until Ogidi became the lever that did the job and they fired home! Opeimu is the unifier and so on.

Back to akpeteshie, people think it is dangerous alright but a necessary evil. It kills them quick and people say they want to die quick, not slowly. So a 20 per cent tax on the stuff, they say, is a bad idea.

Some MPs have argued vehemently against it on the floor of the House. They think it limits the right of poor folks to have their only means of enjoyment at no extra cost. Actually 20 per cent tax on the stuff will help government to rake in some revenue, but the effect on the poor consumer could well be devastating. So they say!

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Well, if the tax is to discourage people from drinking the stuff, then it is a mistake and should be withdrawn.

The reason is that akpeteshie's addiction is 'worse' than that of cocaine. Otherwise, how would the believers get up at dawn to knock on Daavi's door to give them quarter to sack the ghost?

Sacking the ghost means dealing with the effects of the previous day's intoxication. Sacking the ghost indeed means dealing with the effects of overdose; in other words dealing with hangovers and the accompanying discomfort.

What alcohol has done to people who overindulge is nothing complementary. Some people who were once able and handsome have become like the doppelganger (ghost). Some are alive, yet dead.

The human liver' has over 38 functions. In some people half of those functions are no more, so they are half dead. And when the liver is thus stressed, the kidneys become overloaded and stand to fail.

That is why responsible drinking is always advocated, and one of such pioneering advocates of responsibly drinking is Kasapreko Company Limited.

I don't know when the 20 per cent tax will take effect, but I guess the apostles of irresponsible drinking will take steps to kill themselves quick before the tax is implemented.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all fans of Sikaman Palava.

Credit: Merari Alomele/The Spectator
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