After You Say “I Do!”

“Obi nte sika nware ne tanfo, gyesɛ nea ɔdɔ no”, the Akans say. To wit, no one marries their enemy, but those they love. “This is the bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh”; the first man, Adam, declared, expressing his love after God presented to him the woman. If people married because they loved each other, why is the divorce and break-up rate on the ascendency?

Many people assume that the marriage ceremony serves as the end-all be-all and so they treat the marriage casually and go to sleep afterwards. If routine maintenance and repairs are not done, even the flashiest and most costly car will inevitably break down and let you down on the road. Without regular maintenance, even the best-engineered structures made of the most valuable materials, like skyscrapers, will decay. Can you envision what might happen to a bridge that isn't maintained and repaired? It is common knowledge that, marriage, likewise, without a repair and maintenance culture cannot be meaningful, therefore, after saying "I Do", spouses must creatively grow their marriage.

The Friendship Factor
A husband and wife need to become the best of friends and grow their friendship in the marriage. Being best friends with your spouse is one of the nicest things that can happen to your marriage because friendship is the strongest of all relationships. The happiest marriages are those between couples who are best friends. They can spend a lot of time together creating and fostering the kind of emotional and physical intimacy that is essential for marital bliss and satisfaction.

Effective Communication
Talk is cheap, they say, but the best relationships require talk as a vital component. It is an essential ingredient in the best relationships. It is impossible to have a healthy and successful marriage without [effective] communication. There can be no intimacy without conversation. Many marriages break down because couples quit communicating or don’t communicate effectively. Learn to talk to each other, and not at each other. Communication is to love [marriage] what blood is to life.

Couple Dating
A husband and wife need to keep dating each other and remain romantically involved throughout their marriage. They should go out of the home [house] periodically to have a treat, play games together, learn together, share jokes and stories, take a walk, or go on excursions. This is what I call “Couple Time”. Being adventurous and exploring new environments and activities make you spend time together whiles “renewing” your love. Keep campaigning. Keep up the game and effort every day to make your choice worthwhile. Tell them they are beautiful and lovely. Notice the amazing things they do and accomplish and keep doing the things that made them “fall in love” with you.

Create Space and Boundary
There are times when your partner prefers to be and act alone or needs some time to have a sober reflection and take stock of their life. “Personal Time” is what I call it. Respect the need for that space and privacy. In fact, they don't even need to ask for your permission; they have the right to do it [but out of respect, they have to]. You can be rarely apart; but if you allow some time apart as individuals, you will value and appreciate your time spent together more. It helps you to individually develop, and it will only strengthen and keep your relationship fresh and lively, and maintain the vitality of your connection.

Take the Mask Away
Those who have lovely and lasting relationships have one trait in common, and that is openness. They are honest, “clear” and unclouded with no mask put on. They know that if they are transparent with their partners, they build trust, and their significant others cannot keep from loving them, thus, they have nothing to hide from them. Transparency is a Treasure every couple should keep in their marriage.

Continuous Learning
Marriage is a continuous preparation and learning institution. Knowledge and understanding about and in marriage are essential for its success. The Bible says, “Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; By knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches” (Prov.24:3-6). Seek to understand your differences as male and female, and your temperaments. Seek to know your partner better than you know of anyone else in the world, and continuously learn to improve yourself to become the spouse you want to be.

Love your Weaknesses!
By nature, we are all a combination of strengths and weaknesses. "Falling in love" entails accepting your partner's "good looks" as well as their "bad looks". Whatever your partner’s weaknesses, bear in mind you made a choice – you chose them – and like paint, love covers a multitude of sins [weaknesses]. Make it a point to always magnify their strengths and positive qualities, verbalize them, and let them know how you appreciate them through commendations and compliments.

Conflict Resolution
All human relationships, and marriage especially, will inevitably experience conflicts. Coupes are like porcupines – they will love to get closer – but the more intimate they become, the more they prick each other, creating conflicts. But what matters most is knowing how well to resolve the conflict. Fight fairly as couples, and do not hold grudges. Learn to apologize and say, “I am sorry”. Resolve your conflicts to strengthen your marriage bond. To make your marriage bond stronger, learn to resolve your disagreements right.

Marital Counseling
After getting married, it is important to periodically seek counseling. A short period after the marriage, the romance and glow subside, and the realities begin to set in. Many marriages break when the couple's significant differences start to surface, and they begin to see each other's weaknesses, faults, and shortcomings. It takes counseling for the lovers to comprehend and appreciate these differences, and to help address any marital problems.

The God Factor
The success of marriage can only be ensured by God's counsel and guidance because He is the author of it. You must be familiar with, comprehend, and abide by His "manual" which contains His marital-related morals and guidelines for love, leadership, submission, fidelity, commitment, and contentment. Making God the center of your union and developing an intimate relationship with Him through prayer and Bible study are essential for a happy marriage. The more couples get closer to God, the more they become intimate and love each other.

Make your marriage work by working together as a team. Make every effort to sustain the marriage by supporting each other. To have successful marriages, a lot of maintenance and repair work is required. Develop a maintenance culture in your marriage. Following your "I Do!" moment, don't "go to sleep."