Sorry Mummy And Daddy For Not Been The Girl You Want Me To Be

The Writer

This is the most heart wrenching message anybody would want to wake up to read in the morning, from a child or dear one, and the worst reason any one should take their lives for that matter. But it has happened so many times, and to so many people in so many different ways that it's almost seems normal. Almost normal that no one talks about it or takes it seriously anymore . Fortunately, some survive it and some unfortunately are unable to survive the harsh reality they come to face.

It raises questions about the what is important that forms the very core of our existing society and what we stand for. And It tends to answers some of the questions we are not asking or are afraid to ask or simply don't care to ask .

This fourteen worded statement is the statement every one, rich or poor, is faced with at least once in their lifetime. It comes to some as a question that needs answers to, and to others, a bridge they have to cross to the next stage of their growth , life etc.

All of us, I dare say, have been confronted with this reality, at least ones in our life time,. The reality of what makes or should make sense and what and who puts value on us.!! The inner satisfaction of affirmation and the beauty it gives a person when recieved at the right time happens to be life saving ,as we are learning about lately.

In today's world, this need has almost become very necessary and has found its way into to core of our very existence. Its like a right of passage ie. the need to fit in, to be part of, to be applauded and to get that nod. But as easy as it may seem, the youthful years seem to be the most dangerous times for anyone to face this phase without help or assistance, though there has been many cases for adults. I remember mine very well. When I became conscious of everything around me and sensitive to what people will say or not say to me.

Sadly, growing up, my society taught it's children not to ask questions and so a child goes through the horrific process of dealing with something they know nothing about all by themselves, mostly relying on what they see or hear , how they feel , which more often than not are false, and what is generally acceptable.

As a society, the people we are supposed to be closest to are the ones we fear to approach. The people who are supposed to answer our questions (eg. Teachers), are the ones who give us the questions and punish us if we don't have an answer .

The people who are supposed to be our confidants, rather become the whistle blowers . You cant share your doubts with anyone one without being judged. You can't express your fears without being thought of as weak. We are in a hurry to give answers even before the question are asked and not ready to admit to our own short comings to the younger generation but only willing to share the successes. Etc. We are doing everything in revers and expecting change to happen. How do we expect to move forward?. Exactly how?.

I loved my mom very much. Still do. I love and adore my dad. No doubt. But there are soo many things I could never tell them. Some out of respect and others just so I don't burden them.

Many years ago, when I had to be allowed to go to the boarding house, I know my parents were worried. But more worried was I . And this was something I never shared with them .

I know I had a lot to prove , not just to my parents , that I could do it , but to the people in the community I lived in . I was the second child to attend the senior high school and if I succeeded the first generation of Collage gradute . I was physically challenged and coming from a competitive learning village community. Most of the children i knew then were gaining admission into the university. I wanted to be one of the generation of village children who gained admission in to the university amd then will become a very prominent person in Ghana. I thought,..'' my parents deserved it too ''. And why not. How lovely that story will be when told one day right?.

What my parents and community saw was me working hard at my studies and braving all the odds to go through school . But no one ever saw my daily inner struggle of how I lived my life each day at school; eg. how I had to switch classes from arts 1 to arts 2 because I hated maths and how I struggled most of the time to do my laundry(to mention a few) .

Luckily for us, in St. Roses we had a great Counselor. Fr. Campbell will showed up once every term for our retreat. He was the only person I could tell my fears and worries and ''sins'' lol. The only person I could trust and for all my three years in school the only person I looked forward to seeing just because he listened without judging and he was not my parent or someone very familiar.

And this continued for some of us even after SSS. In my first year at the university, he will make time to visit and listen and pray with us.

That is how I got away with not harming myself when I got low grades . That is how I didn't quit. And one of the reasons I didn't give up.

I went through something very difficult last 2 years that I am still recovering from and that I will share soon but as a way of ending this long note, I just want to say that , now more than ever, people are becoming bold at taking their own lives for things that matters to them that society simply ignored or don't pay much attention to. Now more than ever , we should be more careful about how we treat each other. Now more than ever, we should be paying attention to the people closest to us . Now more than ever , we should spend money to train professionals to help us deal with the lapses . We can no longer say we were not aware. We no longer have an excuse. Life is precious. God help us all

Dorcas Darkwa (Maame Dor)
Mandela Washington Fellow.