What a Cov-idiotic Virus!

The menace of coronavirus is weighing on every one of us, but no matter how hard it gets, there’s always a cold weapon known as a sense of humour. And some people aren’t missing a chance to zing up the hard times with killer jokes, viral memes, and lethal funny retorts. All jokes intended, of course.

OK, you’ve heard that laughter is the best medicine. So, what? Laughter reduces pain and allows us to get through discomfort easier, it improves our job performance, especially if our tasks involve creativity. Heck, laughter also synchronizes the brains of speaker and listener so that they are emotionally attuned.

For some of us in JUBA, tea-places are partially operational, that we cowardly don’t give it a damn! Oh no, I am not saying that we are careless. It’s humoral to think of quarantine or stay home to starve. This is a real time to visit nearer ATM machine and have some dollars for self-quarantization. And don’t quarantine with my daughter before marriage. It’s red line!

Will you be able to live in a room without seeing a woman near your bed for 14 days? Please, if you don’t see me at Channel One (where we John Walker ourselves in the evening), then I am busy looking for who to fry. I said I am looking for SHE(Sweet and Healthy Elizabeth) to fray not pray. I hope coronavirus didn’t temper with my English vocabularies and grammar.

In this frustrating time of coronavirus pandemic, people are strained in diverse ways. Our social manoeuvres, I meant clubs, bars or pubs in the city are muddled, dudes forced to adapt to the changes, even Mapourdit near KCB in Buluk is no longer busy!

One of the most common challenges for some of us is having-to-do-without-a-slay-queen that was, but thank God nobody is disturbed about MONEY like before. Don’t gossip it to the tailor where my Sugar-mum( let’s not be caught by a wife online. Sin number one) left her clothing for tailoring before people were told to CLOSE their businesses.

I hope coronavirus pandemic shall one day be over, that the slay queens shall again move to their goners without deviousness to the virus for slay warm-ups. I am sorry for poor wording.

A doctor, a nurse and an epidemiologist walk into a bar, and they all said, GET OUT! GO HOME! Do you have ventilators at JUBA Teaching Hospital? Oh no, I have never used Landcruiser V8 but heard that its AC set is more than a ventilator. So, put your mouth and ENJOY its ventilation.

Social distancing is important at this time but some men kept spitting in the public, even on the busy road and these guys are called Cov-idiots. This coronavirus will force people who don’t like cooking to cook for themselves. It will force slay-queens to stay home anytime. Traffic police officers will not get closer to you if you feel red-eyed and crazy on the road.

My prayer goes to Boris John, the UK Prime Minister, who is currently hospitalised in St Thomas’ Hospital in London. As coronavirus doesn’t joke, it is alleged that Google has cancelled its annual April Fools’ Day joke, claiming that it’s not the time to be messing around.

This is no longer coronavirus but governo-virus. This is something related to states governors’ appointment in South Sudan. However, I appeal to President Kiir to immediately appoint states governors. And before any appointment, I would wanted him, OR President should use Thermometer Gun, the machine being use to test temperature related to coronavirus to weed Gubernatorial candidates. My Thermometer Gun for Covid-19 says that Mr Uguag Arun temperature is NORMAL and that he is EXTREMELY fit to be the governor of Northern Bhar El-Ghazal State, Aweil.

Please, political distance yourself in this gubernatorial post de-horning. You call it horning! Yeah this! So many people are saying, ‘we won’t get it’ or ‘we don’t have it’ or ‘we are not political distancing and staying home’. No, you may not have it but you may also be asymptomatic. You may be passing it to someone with a compromised immune system without knowing it. Stay away, it’s not about you, it’s about the people who need protection from governo-virus.

© Deng Mangok Ayuel 2020