A Letter To My Heartbreaker: My Heart Bleeds Emmanuel Amoafo Kesse

Dear Efia,

I sit here at the Legon botanical gardens as i try to hold pieces of my pain and faith.You are oblivious of how much agony you have caused me .I am curling in disquietude.I am decidedly traumatised and burned out.The lingering grief seems insurmountable right now, but i assure you, i will scale this molehill. I have done it before, and no matter how exhausted and disillusioned i feel right now, i will do it again.

I am at the exact spot where we sat that Tuesday. The lecture had been called off that morning.I remember telling you about how long it had taken me to gather courage to approach you.It was at first sight during out first year at the University of Ghana, English class when i fell in love with you.I used to dream about finding the love of my life, and there you were.

It was a few minutes into the lecture when my roving eyes incontinently engaged in a stealth.Suddenly you appeared with your friend.Your eyes were velvety and your smile had the taste of apple.You had toothsome ruby red lips.You turned spankingly to let yourself unto the seat.Your silhouette described a powerful arabesque.And then there was the slight curve of your buttocks that evoked an earthly scented love.My mental faculties almost came to a halt, preventing me from concentrating.

My heart pounded each time i saw you on campus.I smiled every time I thought of you. When I saw you, that smile got even bigger.For a very reserved and sometimes shy character like me, i spent several hours in front of a mirror in my room, rehearsing what to tell you and how to go about it.It was not until October 2nd, after more than a year of practice and pedantry that i mustered courage to speak to you for the first time.I couldn't keep my love for you secret anymore, my heart would have expounded itself from my bosom if i had kept my feelings from you .

The aphorism says "some people wont love you no matter what you do and some people wont stop loving you no matter what you do".I felt elated when you accepted my proposal after three months of pestering you.Even though you did not often call me on phone or did anything to reciprocate my love for you, my fervid belief was that with time you would love me.You picked unnecessary quarrels with me each time we were together.

Efia, i want you to know that, i loved you with every fibre of my being.I loved you on the days that you were loving and caring and also the days that you were unrecognisable to me.I loved you through all the emotional upheavals and the ravages of time.I even loved you when it became evident that you never loved me.I had strong feelings for you.So deep that each time i saw you,i felt that joy, that happiness, that energy that told me you were what i always dreamed of, which made me feel how beautiful life could be. Your outstanding intellect and wit made me long to sit at your feet and learn everything you knew even if it took an eternity.

The sensation of your strong, yet docile and beguiling spirit clouded my reasoning inordinately by day and comforted my dreams by night. You wooed me into your waltz; for i wanted you to take me on a journey of no return.You taught me to endure your shrewishness and i learned to love you. I wished our weekend romance in that hotel at Tantra hill would be a lasting memorability of our love, especially when i made love to you with surreal brilliance that captivated you, but here i am, trying to exorcise it.I wish it would freeze in time and into oblivion.

I forgave you from the bottom of my heart when i caught you in that morally abhorent act with your ex-boyfriend.Perhaps, i deluded myself into believing that you were downrightly remorseful and sincere when you shed tears and asked your friends to beg me on your behalf.I felt hurt and betrayed but i demonstrated true love and my unflagging commitment to our relationship.

I longed for the day that I could spend mortal eternity with you. You were my raison d'etre. I declared my love and my heart for you and i rebuked forever the advances of any other. Your love was a psalm upon my lips in times of joy when I was waiting to see you and in times of sorrow that I endured in your absence especially when we quarrelled.

It was not until you finally broke my heart that it dawned on me that all the numerous quarrels and arguments we had hitherto, were deliberate, just to frustrate me and further strengthen your pre-conceived decision so that a break up would seem inevitable and the only way out.

I was dumbstruck and despondent when i discovered that you actually deceived and cajole me into giving you that amount of money.Did you have to go that extent to drive home the point that you never felt anything for me and you were through with me.Why did you lie to me with regards to an issue of such magnitude? I don't know how you feel now, but you must forever bow your head in shame.

You have broken my heart, but you have not broken my love. Love is the most powerful entity in the world. So, i will probably allow a few more tears to fall down in your honor. I will most likely shed more when i listen to songs you used to sing . I will be OK. I will be OK because the love inside of me was strong and true. I will be OK because no matter how many people trample on my heart, they will never take my love. No one can, not even you.

Yours ever,

Kesse