When Love Turns Into Hatred

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

Proverbs 4:23
Let’s talk.
How do two people who once said, “I cannot live without you,” become the reason the other struggles to breathe? How does love turn into something that looks like war?

Open social media, and you see it. A man hitting a woman. A woman screaming, throwing things, humiliating a man. Some clips are too painful to watch all the way through. Yet someone recorded it. Someone shared it. Thousands watch.

But the question that will not leave your mind is this. How did they get there?

At some point, they were not enemies. They were admired. Laughing together, sharing food, finishing each other’s sentences. Late-night calls that lasted hours. Messages that began with “Did you eat?” and ended with “I miss you already.”

So what happened?
Were the signs there, and no one saw them? Or were the signs there, but love chose to ignore them?

During courtship, people rarely show their full selves. They show the gentle voice, the patience, the kindness, the effort, the gifts, and the promises.

But was the anger already there?
Was the controlling behavior already there?
Was the jealousy already there?
Were the insults hiding behind jokes?

Did someone notice and convince themselves that love would fix it? Or did family and friends notice but stay silent because “they look good together”?

Why do so many endure it for so long?
Is it fear? Fear of starting over, fear of shame, fear of being alone, fear of what people will say. Or is it hope? Hope that the person will change, that the hands that once held them gently will return, that the words that once spoke tenderness will come back.

But how long should hope keep someone trapped in pain?

Some who become violent were once victims themselves. They grew up with conflict, insults, and aggression. To them, shouting may feel normal. Control may feel like love. Possession may feel like protection.

When two wounded people meet and call it love, do their wounds begin to heal or do they collide?

Why do we often react only when violence becomes physical, ignoring the emotional harm that comes first: the constant belittling, the silent treatments, the manipulation, the humiliation, the threats, the slow erosion of confidence until someone no longer recognizes themselves? By the time hands are raised, the damage has often been done long before.

Then comes the most heartbreaking stage. Two people who could not stay apart become strangers in the same room. Conversations feel like battlefields. Words become weapons. Silence becomes punishment. They remember only pain and forget the laughter that once filled the space between them.

How does love reach this point?
This should make everyone uncomfortable. Those in relationships, those searching for love, those preparing for marriage. It asks hard questions.

How well do we truly know the person we say we love? Do we confuse passion with compatibility? Attention with care? Do we ignore warning signs because love feels too beautiful to question?

And are we bringing our own unresolved wounds into relationships, expecting another human to heal what we have never faced within ourselves?

Love is beautiful, but love without awareness can be dangerous. Love without honesty can be destructive. Love without self-reflection can turn two people into enemies.

Perhaps the question should not only be, “How did they end up this way?”

Maybe the deeper question is, “What are we doing now, while love still feels sweet, to make sure we do not arrive there someday?”

Are we paying attention? Listening when something feels wrong? Learning what healthy love looks like? Or are we hoping for the best while ignoring the signs that something is slowly breaking?

Let’s talk. The silence around this subject is what allows the cycle to continue.

By Victor Raul Puobabangna Plance From Eggu In The Upper West Region Of Ghana

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