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14.09.2017 Feature Article

In The Full Glare Of Mummy And Daddy

The writerThe writer
14.09.2017 LISTEN

There are things that happen on the blind side of parents and also things that happen in the full glare of parents which ultimately, affect the growth of children. What children do behind their parents may be minimally controlled; however, how they behave, what they do and say in the presence of their parents can be greatly controlled. This is where parents' attention must be more focused on. Unfortunately, many parents fail to pass this test. What is true is that what parents fail to correct in their full glare contributes to what children engage in on their blind side.

What answers do mummy and daddy give their children when their children ask questions pertaining to their sexuality and issues relating to sex? How do parents answer their wards? Do they tell them the truth, lie or sometimes dodge the questions? Do mummy and daddy get surprised and shy away from answering the questions, or bully their way through? Do you remember instances where mummy and daddy watch television programmes with you and at a point they had to either change the station or ask you to pick something from the bedroom in order for you to skip certain parts of the movie?

You may also remember instances where your younger siblings asked mummy and daddy names of certain body parts. At this point, many parents gleefully provide answers to questions relating to every part of the body with the exception of some sensitive parts. Interestingly, it is at this point too that certain parts of the body are named after spoon, “bombom” or “kakae”. The question is what prevents parents from being forthright with their answers? Is this practice creating any problem for us? Can we do something about these issues notwithstanding the cultural implications?

Parents everywhere are supposed to take the ultimate responsibility of the nurture and upbringing of their wards. Consequently, our society expects parents to raise their wards to befit a certain standard; and falling short of this, parents are deemed to be failures. Parents thus assume the onus of teaching their wards what is good and what is bad so that the children could function effectively in the society that they find themselves.

For this reason, at no point are parents expected to create a vacuum to be filled by anyone. However, this has not been the case, especially in our part of the world where certain issues are deemed to be sensitive, particularly issues relating to sex education. Many parents, for the same reasons, have failed to teach or discuss with their wards such issues of crucial importance that border on the growth of their wards. This has allowed children the opportunity to satisfy their curiosity elsewhere. The education parents fail to give their wards is received freely from the friends of their kids. Which is better and safer: parents taking the responsibility or allowing the kids to learn from their friends?

What has worsened the situation today is children's uncontrolled exposure to social media and some TV programmes. Whatever parents try to hide from them is exposed to them through social media and some TV programmes. What then do parents achieve when they fail to discuss such sensitive issues with their wards and the children end up getting the information from different sources whose credibility may be questionable?

Effect of not discussing some sensitive matters with children

First, the children will not only get the answers parents don't want them to get but also they (the children) will get the wrong information which may end up destroying them perpetually. What we must all know is that children, like all adults, live in their own world, have their likes and dislikes, harbour the desire to always understand the environment in which they live, and question societal practices in order to satisfy their curiosities. It is therefore a high time we all stopped underrating what our children are capable of doing and meet their demands in an acceptable way.

The second effect is that mismanagement of such communication has the tendency to affect children’s trust in their parents. For children, their first port of call is always mummy and daddy when they have issues. When they realise that their parents are being evasive with their answers or not being honest with their answers, they will seek a second opinion. For this reason, parents should have at the back of their minds that questions that fail to receive answers in the full glare of their children would be asked and answered on their blind side. When it happens so it could affect the trust of their wards in them.

Finally, the dishonest answers that parents provide children have the tendency to influence children to be liars. If your ward asks you to name a certain part of your body and you refer to that part as a spoon, it amounts to teaching him or her how to lie. The child will grow with it and would harbour the belief that certain kinds of lies are appropriate.

Solution
It is now imperative for government and the religious bodies to come together and face the difficulty head on. The Good Book admonishes us to teach our kids what is good and that when they grow they will never depart from it. Teaching our kids what is acceptable will never be a substitute for lies and evasive answers. Thus, there is the need for the educational institutions and the churches fashion a culturally sensitive way of educating these kids on such sensitive issues in order for them to meet the exigencies of today. Truly, children of today are much more complex than children of old. They have access to information that children of old did not have. Things have really changed and so there is the need to change the way of doing things.

Parents must of necessity adjust to the present time and always try to be ahead of the kids. Children of today always pull surprises because of their exposure. Parents must therefore read wide and spend quality time with their kids and find the best way of dealing with their needs. The days when we held the belief that the kids would learn on their own at the right time are over. The kids may have information that parents may not have. If parents adopt the right strategies they will always be ahead of them and matters of importance will be discussed in the full glare of kids without shy or hindrances.

Conclusion
Let me ask this question: have parents wondered how their kids got to know the names of their sexual parts, even when they (parents) told lies when naming such parts of the body? The sad issue is that if parents delegate their roles to others, those delegates will not only teach their wards wrongly but also the children may want to experiment with them. Which is which? Would parents teach their kids such sensitive things or would they want others to do that for them? Would parents discuss such sensitive issues with their wards in their full glare or would want their wards to learn and discuss them on their blind side. Unfortunately, what we do not expect is happening. Parents need to act to save the future generation.

By: Daniel Ofosu-Asamoah
The writer is a communicator, researcher, speaker, and a teacher.

You can reach him via [email protected]

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