Watch what you call older people

Elderly, geriatric, ancient. If you use these words in the same sentence with my name, I may bop you on the head with my oxygen tank. Or step on your foot with my walker.

I prefer senior citizen, matured person, or aging. Or older lady, old gal, or oldster (not oyster). And don’t call me granny unless I’m your actual granny.

And “old bag” is a term of endearment, but can only be used at the right time, at the right place, and by the right person in a humorous situation.

And you can only make jokes about oldsters—if you’re actually old yourself. Got it?

I know it’s a double standard, but oldsters can make jokes about youngsters. That’s life in the slow lane.

Until we chat again, this old bag declares, “Aging is for cheese and wine—not women.”