The Child You Know and The Child You Don't

Recently, Senior Lawyer and Vice President of IMANI Africa, Kofi Bentil, raised concerns about what he believes is a growing problem among some Ghanaian parents. Speaking on Newsfile, he criticised what he described as parental excesses that are making discipline difficult in schools. Questioning the practice of some parents providing luxuries to their children, he asked: "You buy a car for your child and take it to school. What kind of obscene thing is that?"( myjoyonline.com, 2026).

His comments have sparked an important discussion about parenting in Ghana. While many parents work hard to provide for their children, some may focus more on material things than on character development. As a result, some children grow up with many comforts but little guidance.

This may partly explain why some parents are often shocked when reports of misconduct involving their children emerge. Whether it is theft, drug abuse, violence, examination malpractice, teenage pregnancy, or other forms of indiscipline, the response is often the same: "My child cannot do that."

But do parents really know their children as well as they think they do?

Parenting is one of the most important responsibilities in society. Parents celebrate many important moments in the lives of their children. They are happy when their children start school, excel in their studies, graduate, and achieve success in life. These moments bring pride and joy. However, parenting involves more than celebrating achievements. It also involves monitoring behaviour, providing guidance, and helping children make good decisions.

The reality is that many children behave differently when they are away from home. Some appear respectful at home but engage in misconduct at school or within their communities. Others carefully hide aspects of their lives from their parents. As a result, parents may have an incomplete picture of who their children really are.

One incident that shocked the nation was the murder of a young boy in Kasoa by two teenagers in 2021. As Ghanaians discussed the incident on radio and television, many expressed disbelief that children could commit such a crime. The parents of the boys also appeared surprised by what had happened.

In Akan, there is a popular saying: "Abofra bo nwa, onbo akyekyedeɛ." This means children are expected to behave like children and not engage in actions associated with adults. Society generally expects serious wrongdoing from adults rather than children. This belief partly explains why some parents struggle to accept that their children can be involved in theft, drug abuse, violence, or other forms of misconduct.

Today, however, it is possible for a child's friends, schoolmates, neighbours, and even people on social media to know more about that child's behaviour than the parents themselves. Some children live one life at home and another outside the home.

This situation should concern every parent. The home is expected to be the first place where a child's character is shaped and monitored. Yet many parents learn important information about their children from teachers, neighbours, social media posts, or even the police. When this happens, families are often left wondering whether the warning signs were ignored.

Busy schedules and poor communication
One reason for this situation is that many parents are busy trying to provide for their families. In Ghana, parents are expected to meet the needs of their children by providing food, clothing, education, healthcare, and other necessities. To achieve this, many work long hours in businesses, offices, markets, and other occupations.

Unfortunately, some parents leave home before their children wake up and return after they have gone to bed. While they provide financial support, they may have little time to observe changes in behaviour, understand their children's challenges, or build strong relationships with them.

Poor communication often makes the problem worse. Some parents do not spend enough time discussing friendships, relationships, values, and personal struggles with their children. As a result, many children turn to their peers for advice and support.

Unfortunately, not all friends promote good values. Some encourage behaviours that can negatively affect a child's future. Over time, children may become more attached to their peers than to their parents. When this happens, parents may lose an important opportunity to influence the decisions their children make.

Poor parental guidance
Another reason why some parents are surprised by their children's behaviour is poor parental guidance.

Some parents believe that providing food, clothing, school fees, and other material needs is enough to ensure good behaviour. However, raising responsible children requires much more than financial support. Children need supervision, correction, encouragement, discipline, and guidance.

The issue of teenage pregnancy in Ghana highlights this challenge. According to the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA), citing data from the Ghana Health Service District Health Information Management System (DHIMS), Ghana recorded 542,131 pregnancies among girls aged 15 to 19 years and 13,444 pregnancies among girls aged 10 to 14 years between 2016 and 2020.

While teenage pregnancy has many causes, including poverty and peer pressure, these figures also raise important questions about parental supervision, communication, and guidance. Some parents only discover that their daughters are sexually active when a pregnancy occurs. The shock that follows often reflects a lack of awareness about what is happening in the lives of their children.

Unfortunately, some parents leave much of the responsibility of raising their children to house helps, relatives, caregivers, and tutors. While these individuals may contribute positively to a child's development, they cannot replace the influence and guidance of parents.

Exposure to adult behaviour
Children today are exposed to all kinds of content through social media, movies, television programmes, music, and their communities. They often encounter violence, dishonesty, offensive language, and inappropriate sexual behaviour.

In some cases, the adults who are expected to guide children engage in such behaviour themselves. When children repeatedly see adults acting in certain ways, they may begin to view such behaviour as normal.

Repeated exposure can influence attitudes and behaviour. Over time, some children imitate what they see and hear. Yet many parents believe their children are too young to be influenced by such behaviour or assume that a good upbringing alone is enough to protect them. When children eventually copy these behaviours, some parents are left shocked.

Ghana has a growing population of children and young people who represent the future of the nation. According to the 2022 Ghana Demographic and Health Survey, 40 per cent of Ghana's population is under the age of 15. This highlights the need to invest in the wellbeing and development of young people.

Young people are one of Ghana's greatest resources. Their success or failure will have a significant impact on the future of the country. For this reason, parents, schools, religious institutions, community leaders, and the media must work together to support their development.

We cannot afford to lose our children to crime, substance abuse, violence, teenage pregnancy, and other social problems. While some parents may be surprised when their children go astray, Ghana as a nation should not be surprised. The warning signs are often present in our homes, schools, communities, and digital spaces.

Parents must make time for their children, communicate with them regularly, guide them properly, and pay attention to changes in their behaviour. The late Ghanaian highlife musician Daddy Lumba, in his song 'Children of the Future', reminded society of its responsibility to protect and nurture the younger generation.

Indeed, saving the children of today is one of the surest ways of safeguarding Ghana's tomorrow.

WRITTEN BY
Henry Atta Nyame
Institutional Assessment Practitioner
[email protected]