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Mon, 23 Dec 2024 Feature Article

The election night show!

The election night show!

"We all have the pinksheets and by our mathematics, we are winning this election. The NDC is losing "pottoor!"

Election night in Ghana has never disappointed. That's why l never miss my front seat ticket for the late night drama. The suspense, thrills, tension, false declarations and lawlessness constitute the menu for the soap opera.

I recall the other night when my good old friend, Koku Anyidoho swore to Ghanaians in a surreal mix up of facts and fantasy that the NDC was "in a comfortable lead." It turned out to be a debacle for the party in the end.

I wasn't going to miss the fun this year, not for all the tension and violence associated with our election night. So I waited in anticipation for the jocular, for it offered a fair comic relief for all the disturbances the politicians provoke among us.

Thankfully, it wasn't long before the first episode unfolded before my eyes. Sammy Gyamfi, the garrulous Communication Director of the NDC appears on my screen, quite subdued, uncharacteristically calm and mollified.

Unilaterally, he declares a landslide victory for his party and instructs his foot-soldiers to invade the collation centers to make victory double sure.

l took Mr. Gyamfi's victory claims with a pinch of salt, history being my greatest teacher. But the drama was only just beginning.

Finding no one in my household to keep me warm with a cup of tea, l dashed to the kitchen to fix the happy beverage myself. But while attempting to sit down, l crashed awkwardly into my old chair, almost twisting an old rib while splashing the tea on the floor!

But l was comfortably seated in time for the second episode which soon premiered. The scene opens, highlighting the prompt face but dull figure of Miracles Aboagye.

My bones jump with excitement within.The drama was moving rather too fast. I bent forward eagerly and adjusted my night goggles, looking for the jocular.

Once again, the two parties were at each other's throat boot for boot, tit for tat, wit for wit, push for push, press conference for press conference!

Miracles Aboagye, in case you need a referral, was the Communication Director of the Bawumia campaign. By jove, he is such a fine gentleman, and l must confess l like him quite well.

He is a sweet soul ---- nothing close to the rampaging hawks and venomous vipers of the NDC communication team. But a few times, he tried to sound like them, and looked rather distended.

Miracles is on stage now, flanked by two stalwarts of his party. Mr. Richard Ahiagbah, the party's Director of Communications stood to his right, while the Minister of Information, Honorable Fatimatu Abubakar stoot to his right. She looked like someone hanging on a thin rope.

"Ladies and gentlemen," if l may paraphrase his speech ..." The NDC is claiming victory, but don't mind them," he hissed.

"We all have the pinksheets and by our mathematics, we are winning this election. The NDC is losing "pottoor!".

He continued "They know very well they are losing that's why they are calling for havoc," he charged.

So who was lying to the people of Ghana? Both parties can't all win at the same time. Who is the sour loser, the NDC or the NPP?

Unfortunately for the man of miracles, the look on his face was that of shock and disbelief, like a man brutalised by a tsunami. He was winning the elections so unhappily. His mood was in conflict with his winning pinksheet.

Miracles Aboagye knew the elephant had been slain, licked, raped, swallowed, consumed, dismembered, humiliated, literally set on fire by the invading forces.

In football terms, we would say the party has taken a drubbing, a walloping, a severe thrashing!

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The two lieutenants who flanked him suffered most on the stage. They won my sincerest sympathy. This must be the worst moment of their political career, for they stood there, wondering when all this would end so they could disappear.

The Minister cast a shadow of a smiling apparition, a jocular memento completely lost in herself, rattled and dazed. If you ask her what happened to her on that stage of slaughter, she would have no memory whether she was still conscious or not. Poor her!

Our friend, Richard tried very hard to show a modicum of gallantry with an astute fortitude, but it was a disasterclass. I thought he was seeing stars, for he was licking his wounds in silence, stupefied and gutted by the avalanche of defeat.

But the most ridiculous scene was yet to unfold. I took a sip of my tea which had become cold due to prolonged neglect.

Miracles battles on, this time, referencing a quotation from the Bible. "Two women went to King Solomon to judge their case, but one of them was a liar, and we know who it was," he continued.

Unfortunately in this famous allegory, Miracles represents the sour woman who slept on her child.

It was a tickling political commedy in which truth shone through a bantamweight of lies, and glittered even more precociously in Miracles' winning speech!

Theodore Dzeble
Theodore Dzeble, © 2024

Theodore is a corporate communications coach, author and writer. He provides corporate communications, editorial and writing support to organisations and individuals.
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I have authored four books, and helped several people to write their own books and biographies.l have also written for several national publications and was a columnist for the Business and Financial Times for several years. I conduct corporate communication training for business entities and assist individuals to enhance their communication skills. Column: Theodore Dzeble

Disclaimer: "The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect ModernGhana official position. ModernGhana will not be responsible or liable for any inaccurate or incorrect statements in the contributions or columns here." Follow our WhatsApp channel for meaningful stories picked for your day.

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