Countrymen and women, loyalists and opponents, I think the gods have turned their back on me (and my party). I don't know what we did wrong but I feel strongly that we are being punished for some acts of omission or commission. First an MP from my party is arrested for allegedly trying to sell heroine in the Bushman's territory – a serious embarrassment for my party and country. Then, I hear that the MP is talking like a parrot mentioning names of some leading members of my party, a situation which would only bring more shame to my party. I know that justice will have its cause in the US courts as far as the case of the heroine-trafficking MP is concerned. We wait to see.
What is now occupying my mind now is the recent revelation (or disclosure) by the chairman of my party, H. Ekessu, that I have turned the Osu Castle into a “kickback reservoir” – where all the “10 percent” cash is stored. The oldman clearly is accusing me of presiding over a very corrupt system. His accusations are being serialized by a newspaper whose journalists reportedly captured his voice on tape. I am told that what has been published is just the tip of the iceberg and that there are more damning revelations, some with the potential of turning our country upside down.
I am sorely disappointed in Ekessu. I thought he was my friend. I even pushed for him to be elected as party chairman four years ago. And how does he pay me back? He goes out there to spill the beans on me? What is the world coming to? From how I understand things, a couple of journalists went to interview Ekessu about his bid for a second term as party chairman. But he chose to go on a tirade about how I had made it impossible for the party to have a constant flow of cash. I once thought that Ekessu was an exceptional old man – with a sharp brain. But now I know that he's just like Dan Lartey – an old man with a weak mind and a very lose tongue. Since the newspaper started serializing his comment, Ekessu has been hopping from one radio station to another denying that he made those statements even though certain well-respected citizens of the land have testified that there is a tape with his voice saying all sorts of 'unsayables'. I hear that he plans to challenge the authenticity of the tape. Essentially he says that if the tape is played he would insist that the voice on it is not his.
The man has clearly lost it. I think this is this is the right time for him to get out of public life. He should go and rest somewhere and prepare for the call from his maker. But we shall never forget him. I know that nothing can be proved against me and I will confidently say that I do not take any kickbacks. Whether I actually take them or not is another matter. The truth will come out one day. For now, I want my party members to remain calm. Ekessu has thrown us all into panic mode but we don't need to take any rush decision or speak before we think as we desperately try to defend ourselves. We will get over this. First of all, let's ask Ekessu to bow his head in shame and jump out of the party. He hasn't got any moral authority to stay in office as party chairman. If he is so peeved by the rot in the party and he feels there is nothing he can do about it, he should get out. If he doesn't jump, we should push him. Our national congress is just a few weeks away. We can conveniently wait until then to vote him out. But I can't wait. The earlier we force him out the better. This is a bit tricky because he might open his mouth even wider if we push him. If we push him therefore, we need to make sure that he doesn't get hurt – emotionally. We can't play with an oldman's emotions. So we will need to give him a hefty severance package. It will be a small price to pay considering the cost of allowing him to stay in office with his mouth wide open like that. We should also encourage him to exercise self control and stay away from anything that looks like a microphone.
Forcing Ekessu out will not be the end of our party's woes, though. We need to rev up our damage control machinery to counteract the effects of his stupid (but perhaps, truthful) outbursts. One of the strategies is to paint Ekessu as a demented, senile man whose depleting grey matter and faulty medulla oblongata have rendered his mental faculties undependable. We should tell the citizens of Sikaman that such a man should not be taken serious. After we have discredited Ekessu, we need to appoint a commission of inquiry, which should be tasked to pretend to be investigating his claims. Members of the committee should be specifically instructed not to do anything serious. It won't be their job to bring anyone to book for taking kickbacks. The idea here is to deceive the citizens of Sikaman that we are doing something about Ekessu's serious allegations. After about three months of work, I expect our farcical committee of inquiry to issue a report exonerating the castle and the party whiles re-enforcing the suggestion that Ekessu is a demented old man who should not be taken serious.
Thereafter, we will offer some big contracts to both NDC and NPP contractors, creating the impression that we have all along been very fair in the award of contracts. When this happens we will make sure that nobody is forced to pay any “10 percent”. In fact, even voluntary “10 percent” offers will be turned down. This is a golden opportunity for the NDC contractors to get a certain share of the “contracts cake” and they should thank Ekessu for it. Let me however assure all NPP contractors that this proposed system of giving some contracts to NDC contractors will not last long. It's just a temporary measure to limit the damage caused by Ekessu's failure to shut his trap. When things normalize, please don't wait to be told that you should bring the “10 percent” to the Castle.
J. A. Fukuor Views expressed by the author(s) do not necessarily reflect those of GhanaHomePage.