Of Mangoes And Marriage

I love mangoes ─ different types of mangoes. Whenever they are in season, I do well to eat lots of them. As healthy as they are, mangoes always have a way of reminding me of my childhood escapades. They bring back memories of those days when we had to scale the walls of our neighbors to pluck their mangoes.

Growing up, I knew of only one type of mango. At least, that was all I had ever encountered. You can imagine my amazement the day I discovered that other types existed, especially finding out that they tasted better than what I was used to.

From that day forward, I decided to explore more varieties. And boy, I am glad I did! My love for this fruit shot up. Hitherto, my limited exposure to a few varieties had shaped my taste for it. The more exposed I was to different options, the more my ignorant self was exposed.

For a long time, I have observed how my love for mangoes has a lot to do with life and marriage. Marriage may not be as sweet as a mango. However, the fruit has a lot to teach about marriage. Like mangoes, the type of marriage one is exposed to somewhat defines their worldview of marriage. Until they experience different varieties, their scope of family is very limited.

I grew up with both parents under the same roof ─ fortunately. I do not know if they ever had any conflict, but I never saw them quarrel over anything in our presence. Whenever I saw or read about men beating up their wives, I freaked out because it was strange to me. This was courtesy of the kind of family I had always experienced. My type of family had shaped my worldview of family.

In primary school, some of my friends told me how they had never met their fathers. Fatherly love was a wish of theirs that was never fulfilled. Others were living with their distant relatives. They saw their mothers once every half-moon. For no wrong done, they were beaten to a pulp by their kin. That was their experience of marriage, life, and family. They were shocked that a family like mine ever existed.

That revelation was a defining moment for me ─ a moment of fortune ─ a moment of reality. The kind of marriage my parents had had defined what marriage was to me. And for my friends, the kind of parents they never had had sadly defined what marriage was… and it was going to live with them for a very long time ─ if not forever.

What you are exposed to defines your perception of your environment. Little wonder that many of us soon become a carbon copy of our environment. If you were raised in an abusive home, abuse becomes your daily bread. If you grew up with a father whose hobby was adultery, cheating may soon be your destiny.

If you grew up eating sour mangoes, you may end up concluding that all mangoes are sour. It will take one experience of a sweet one to change your ill perception. This is the exact image of marriage.

Tell you what, marriage is great. There are still good people out there who are not on a wild goose chase to milk their spouses. Good men still exist ─ men who would go to any length to see their spouse be the best of themselves. Despite the unimaginable greed this world is engulfed in, there are still amazing women out there who will support a man through thick and thin ─ expecting nothing in return.

The kind of spouse you will encounter will define what marriage is to you. If you repeatedly look out for the wrong qualities, you will repeatedly make the wrong choice and pay for the consequences of those choices. When you see a thousand people complaining bitterly about their bad marriage, never assume that is the reflection of every marriage. It is the type of spouse (or mango) they settled for.

If you settle for ripe mangoes, you will enjoy mangoes. If you settle for bad ones, never assume all mangoes are bitter. You made a bad choice.

A walk down the aisle is a walk that goes beyond you. Before saying “I do”, remember you are not only choosing a husband or wife. You are choosing a mother or a father for your children. You are choosing an in-law for your family. Above everything, you are choosing a leader for society. Before you make your choice, think beyond yourself.

You deserve happiness as much as your children, family, and society do. Marriage should not be a shackle on your feet ─ a shackle that imprisons all your dreams. There are sweet and bitter mangoes… just as there are sweet and bitter marriages.

If you are a single woman, sit and ponder. Ask questions. As far as marriage is concerned, do hasten slowly. Don’t be selfish in your choice of a potential spouse. You are not only choosing a future husband but the future of your children. Would they be witnesses to the case of a father who treated their mother like a piece of trash? Your relationship with your spouse would go a long way in shaping how your children would perceive marriage, life, and family.

Every single man needs a deep reflection of themselves. Reflect on where your would-be spouse sits in the future you are molding. Make a choice based on where you are going to… and not where you are coming from. Your children deserve a mother who will choose them above butt lift and expensive wigs, if she has to make a choice.

A good spouse helps you finish your life’s race completely. A bad spouse finishes you completely. Thankfully, we are not in the Garden of Eden. God will not choose a spouse for you. Every man and woman has to decide for themselves which spouse they want to spend the rest of their life with.

It is the mango season. Enjoy some healthy mangoes, and happy Mother’s Day!

The writer is a playwright and Chief Scribe of Scribe Communications (www.scribecommltd.com) and Scribe Productions (www.scribeproductions.com).