Kofi Dubai Writes on Changes in the Information Industry

Dear Country-folks,
I can write to you now because I have deftly resolved the issues that threatened to mar my Christmas holidays. Surely you remember them, don't you?

There was the sale of Merchant Bank to give my brother and his company some breathing space, among other reasons. The NPP will shout themselves hoarse over this deal. But I can confidently tell you this. As far as the Fortiz-Merchant Bank deal is concerned, “E Dey Be-e Kur Kur”. And one more thing, that also means “money dey flow kur kur” into the NDC's 2016 warchest. Do you now realize why The Speaker of Parliament, NDC MPs, NDC Party big wigs were battle ready to torpedo the moves by the NPP led by Hon. Dominic Nitiwul in parliament? Gen Mosquito was in parliament to personally see to it that none of our MPs had last minute jitters. I tell you, they all know where their bread is buttered. Money dey flow kur kur. 2016 , here I come.

And there was the issue of evaluating my ministers which was nothing but a farce. I shall not waste any time on that in this letter.

You know my background is in communications. Indeed some of my admirers and sycophants like to refer to me as a Communications Expert. Dear country-folk, do you sometimes wonder why a so called communications expert would need so large an army of communication aides around him? I shall tell you the reason. But first let me give you a peek into my impressive Information apparatus.

First, there is the Information Ministry manned by three die hard loyalists of mine. Indeed, if I remember correctly, one of the Deputy Ministers said words to the effect that he would gladly die if the NPP won the election petition case in court. Mmmhh, such sycophancy. I cringed in embarrassment when I first heard of that alleged remark by the gentleman in question.

Then there is the ubiquitous NDC/Government Communications Team. I once asked an aide to print me a list of the members of this body. The last time I reviewed the list, I had awarded the members with laptops that subsequently became controversial. I wanted to do something different this time around. I wanted to have the Finance Minister creatively factor them into the budget under some “huhudious” line item like “capacity building”. The next thing I heard, the printing of the list was taking so long that the printer had overheated and malfunctioned. Even the printer could not handle the tall list of names…lol. And all these people being given allowances from the tax payers sweat. I don't like it but how else can I still be called His Excellency Kofi Dubai? The NPP is snapping on my heels and is giving me “close marking”, so to speak.

The NDC/Government Communications team is scattered all over the country and beyond. The engine or hub is however right here working with me under the same roof. I am talking here about the edifice that President Kufuor built. Now, that was a President who knew what he was about. But my propaganda team then, now called Government Communications Team, did a yeoman's job to get Ghanaians to see him and his government as vampires that needed to be chased away. I tell you, my boys and girls in the Communications Team are good.

By good, I mean with the propaganda stuff. So good are my Communication boys and girls that everything they say sounds too good to be true to majority of our country-folks. Ghanaians don't seem to believe anything that comes from them.

To rectify this communication anomaly, I am changing gear. I am appointing Mr. Ben Dotsei Malor to head the Communications Team at the Jubilee House. He is reputed to be a staunch Christian. Ghana being a deeply religious nation, hopefully that helps with credibility. Mr. Malor comes from the BBC and the UN. You know how our country-folk absolutely love everything BBC and UN. Very smart move on my part, don't you think? Never mind the obvious waste of the tax payer's money maintaining a high-ranking government official whose work has absolutely no benefit to ordinary Ghanaians. Only I, Kofi Dubai will benefit from this ridiculous appointment.

The result of such unnecessary and reckless expenditure is what I have come to define as “chopping to the bone”. One of my counterparts on the other side calls it “Akonfem Socialism”.

Well, if nothing else, the communications industry, the only industry that was not stuck in first gear these past five years but was in fifth gear has been pushed to full throttle yet again.

Stay tuned to hear less propaganda from the Presidency under Mr. Ben Dotsei Malor. Don't hold me to that promise. I still reserve the right to hire and fire without the need for explanation.

Kofi Dubai (His Excellency in Communication and Showmanship)

Gilbert Adu Gyimah
Alberta, Canada
[email protected]