Tue, 25 Jan 2011 Feature Article

War on worms

Ato Kwamena DadzieAto Kwamena Dadzie

This is the spokesman for the slimy bastards. We have taken over a small territory in a very popular town in the former Trans Volta Togoland. We had initially intended to co-exist in peaceful harmony with the humans here.

But a few rogue worms, our wayward brethren decided to stray into the town to cause havoc – creeping out a few humans. We expect them to be dealt with. But not like this.

Why send a whole national army to flush us out of this place? It's like killing a mosquito with a sledgehammer. We can tell that whoever ordered the military intervention in this small matter might have been either deceived or confused or both.

First we have been wrongfully described as 'army worms'. That's not true. We are just worms. Simple, creepy worms. We don't belong to any army. That's why we are quite amused that a whole military battalion has been ordered to come face us.

Someone might clearly be under an illusion that we have staged some sort of a military invasion, simply on the basis that we have been called army worms.

Secondly, and most important of all, our own intelligence suggests that the man who ordered the military intervention is under some sort of pressure to send his soldiers elsewhere to get rid of a very silly man, who is doing his best to take his country to war again.

He wants his soldiers to stay home and so what better way to tell the world that his soldiers have better things to do than show that their hands full – with worms!

We get it. But we want to make it known to him that we will fight back. We are worms. We don't give up easily. We can't allow ourselves to be defeated by a bunch of soldiers who do not know how to pick their battles with other soldiers, choosing instead to pick on poor, creepy, slimy bastards like us.

We have been to different parts of the world and we know that it is not the job of soldiers to fight worms. That knowledge emboldens us and we are encouraged and confident that we have almost won this battle.

We shall defeat these soldiers. They don't scare us. Chemicals do. And you don't need soldiers to apply those chemicals, do you?

Author: Ato Kwamena Dadzie/