On the normal lonely days
On my hard journey to Soweto, going by December to find meaning.
When life slaps painful laughter on my face, days of broken promises...
On those days when my body yearns for a lovers warmth
Bracing me till I breathe their breath.
Days when my desires extort my thoughts to sinful places.
At these places, we lay like twins
Our hearts beat faster and our troubles sink
Then I dream of shapes and unholy kisses...
Mute yearnings of a lovers touch
Cravings to see beneath their beautiful
And make them cry of more with passion.
Right there I know I'm losing to my thoughts,
I know death is waiting to seduce me, slowly fading into its memory of falling hopes.
Unless a voice cries from Heaven with mercy and says, "you are worthy "
Only then do I let go of my secret sinful thoughts and begin to see Christ, again.
I know I want to be a better person,
Control my thoughts instead of them controlling me like a play station.
But sometimes, most times, I'm confused.
Not knowing whether God is there or not. Double-minded and lost.
This is not me contradicting, it's me praying with honesty.
So I can find His righteousness and strength in my weakness.
But I know you will judge me anyway.
So forgive me for my honesty,
The same way you ask God to forgive you for your lies.