Do Boys Still Matter in the Gender Equality Era?

Not a criticism, not a call-out — simply a heartfelt concern for our boys

A very common expression used in most Ghanaian homes is “barima nsu” which means boys don’t cry in Akan language. This is a very normalized expression that has taken up the space for boys to feel vulnerable. Compare the ratio of girl-child campaigns to boy-child campaigns, then ask yourself this: Does empowering boys pose a threat to the girl-child? The matter of gender balance tilts to the girl-child. Girls are always made to believe that they need more attention and protection than boys. Even in classrooms, boys are often tagged as troublemakers and are not given fair hearing when settling disputes with girls. There is no boy-child who wants to be regarded as weak, so they would rather not ask for help when dealing with rejection, failure, shame or even heartbreaks.

SEVERITY
The normalized standard of masculinity in society has locked up all rooms of emotional safety for boys. The Boys Initiatives said in a report that in the case of emotional difficulties , girls tend to seek help compared to boys who swallow their difficulties. It is very evident now that the huge implications of vulnerability falls on boys too. The build up of this silence births apocalyptic trauma at the point where the boy child resorts to substance abuse like codeine syrups, sleeping pills, vapes or even alcohol.There is always an assumption that they can find their ways. According to Dustin Hogan during a TEDx Talk, each and every year , fifty five thousand people die out of suicide in Canada and the United States with seventy five percent being sons, brothers, fathers or husbands who were probably feared stigmatization if they opened up to people. Now consider these scenarios: leading of wars and rebellions, gang activities and armed robbery, and domestic violence and abuses.All these undoubtedly involves boys or men most of the time. Have we ever wondered where this violence, aggression and lack of compassion in carrying these acts came from? They are the products of starving boys from love and feeding them with the “man up” mindset.

Redefining Masculinity
The standard of masculinity which tells boys to bury their emotions and take dominance needs to fade away. Society should normalize embracing the boy-child and giving them the space to be vulnerable. It starts with homes before the mainstream society. That is,a world where brothers can tell their sisters about their struggles, fathers can cry in front of their sons and sons can complain to their fathers. With this, boys will learn about healing and get stronger after allowing the pain to flow out of them. Then the girl-child can also be safe. That is TRUE GENDER BALANCE that we seek to achieve. Society cannot be safe by prioritizing the safety of only one gender. The type of growth that will stem from this gender balance will push opportunities for both genders, tackle discrimination and a conducive ground for accepting flaws. But there is a condition! This will work only if it does not remain in a piece but is put to reality.

References

• https://youtu.be/4nWcEtUV4do
• https://boysinitiative.org/mental-health-suicide/