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Opinion | Jun 29, 2017

The Dilemma Of A Young Man: To Marry Or Not To Marry

The Dilemma Of A Young Man: To Marry Or Not To Marry

Once upon a time, a young man named Isaac in Genesis Chapter Twenty- Four had gotten to a stage of maturity and opted for a betrothal of someone’s daughter. He then got the father’s attention to send a servant to embark on a search of a woman who fears the Lord and serves the Lord from his kindred and from his nation. What was the outcome? Isaac just went to the field to meditate during eventide and behold lifted up his eyes and saw Rebecca approaching and they both got married as all requirements was met. What was the process of the betrothal and marriage? A dowry was paid, an engagement secured and blessing pronounced. How every young man wishes this trend continues in our modern world.

2000 years down the lane, the female figure hadn’t change , the God of Isaac and the father hasn’t changed yet the system has changed, hence my dilemma: to marry or not to marry. The system where Rebecca’s parent asked her - are you sure you want to go into marriage with this guy has changed, to are you sure this guy you are going to get married to has 6 cars, 6 packs and 6 figures as salaries. The system where even a servant can take the lead to look for a woman for the master according to the master’s requirements has changed to parent searching for Mr. Right all over the years and finally settled for what is left because age is catching up with their daughters. The old system where 2 bottles of Schnapps, 2 fowls and 2 kola nuts was enough to carry a daughter from her father’s house to their husband's has changed to 2 corollas, 1 Mercedes, 3 iPhone 7s and a key to a building for the in-laws. I am getting to understand why parents are almost marrying their daughters (...boys make happy). If I talk, they tell me things have changed but has God changed. Anyway it’s my dilemma not yours.

Formerly the fact that we are Christians entitles us both to marry and make babies and fulfill God’s promises, today tribal tendencies have become a pivotal indicator to who marries who. My dilemma lingers on. Hitherto, marriage was between husband and wife but today it’s among husband, wife, siblings and parents. Hence making the responsibility that would have been skewed to only the daughter and seldom, the parent has becomes a full time responsibility. I am not debunking the idea of counseling from parents nor am I against taking care of my in-laws, I am only voicing out my dilemma. Formerly, Engagement list was a thing that young men could crave for and are willing to welcome, today we are all drifting away from that list. Why? Because the list looks like the lady is for sale. You wonder whether it’s a bride prize or a noble prize award. Anyway this also is my dilemma.

When the servant saw Rebecca, he saw virtue, care, kindness and he saw love, this made him dumb and numb. Why? Where on earth will you find a woman who will feed your servant and feed your donkeys? She might tell you "I am not a farmer". I guess we might not even see you at the pond to feed the donkey and feed the man because you will be at the Shopping Mall by then- Anyway that's my dilemma not yours. The parent were ready to accommodate a servant (imagine how they will welcome the groom). Today young men stand by the gate and whisper for the lady to even know we are around and wondering whether we will be accepted by the family or be tolerated in the family. This also is my dilemma. Formerly, it was a good man lives an inheritance for his children's children but now it is a good man lives an inheritance for the in-law's children. Anyway, it's my dilemma not yours.

Sarah was calling Abraham my lord not because Abraham was God, but she respected the authority granted the man by God but today ladies have masters’ degree, men have first degree so we are all God’s creation. This also is a dilemma. Every woman knows that the failure of the marriage between Adam and Eve was because Adam failed to teach Eve about God’s word and allowed Eve to lure him to eat the fruit under the guise of love but today if you want to sit a woman down to teach her what God is saying, the best she can do is to reach out for a TV remote and change the channel to where Kumkum Bagya or Veera is trending. When you put your shirt on your shoulders and walk out, you don’t love her and when you sit and talk too, you are distracting her. This also is a dilemma.

I remember the good book says in Genesis Two verses Eighteen that ' it is not good for man to be alone' but from the look of things......Anyway it is still my dilemma.

I HAVE LAID EVERYTHING BEAR ON THE ALTER OF PRAYER, LET GOD DIRECT IT FROM HERE. THIS IS OUR STORY

R. Duafah
([email protected])

Richmond Duafah
Richmond Duafah, © 2017

This author has authored 37 publications on Modern Ghana.
Author column: RichmondDuafah

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