Kofi Dubai Commissions Dubai Interchange

Dear Country-Folks,
A couple of weeks ago, I had the honour, as your President, to commission the biggest and longest (whatever that means) Interchange in West Africa. And with that singular commission, Ghana officially registered more infrastructure than the USA. That is what I was assured by my Aides. And I wasted no time trumpeting that enviable feat. The Dubai Interchange has been duly inaugurated.

I got the idea to christen this Interchange “Dubai” when I vacationed in Dubai during the first year of my Presidency. In fact, after that vacation, I re-christened myself “Kofi Dubai” and dropped my previous “Kofi Obama”. I hope you remember back in the day when I responded enthusiastically to the accolade “Ghana’s Obama”.

Well, enough of Dubai and Interchanges. I have an election to win so let me turn my attention to what wins votes: tribalism (or ethnocentrism).

In 2012, I told my folks in the North that their kinsman man deserves to be President, and not Vice President. That helped in no small way to get me to where I am. 2016 calls for a new message for my kinsmen (and –women) up North.

Dr. Kofi Prophet of the Opana Party has been giving me a run for my money in the North. He is getting too good and effective in communication and campaigning. I shall have to neutralize him. Playing the ethnic card remains the only option I have. .

So lately, when campaigning in the North, I tell my kinsmen (and women) that the Opana Party looks down on them. I tell them that Dr. Kofi Prophet is extremely brilliant. He will make a far better President than I will ever be (of course I don’t tell them this). I however tell my Northern folks that the Opana Party will never make Dr. Kofi Prophet President because of his Northern origin. This is shameful of course. But I take consolation in the saying that “All is fair in love and war”. And for me, becoming a 2-term President is WAR.

Playing the ethnicity card did the trick for me in 2012. So for 2016 and beyond, I say, ethnocentric politics, “TOA’SO”.

Your Ethnocentricity,
President Kofi Dubai
Gilbert Adu Gyimah
Alberta, Canada