Everyone has a right to a university degree, even if it's in Hamburger Technology--Clive James
The foundation of every state is the education of its youth--Diogenes Laertius
For those uncouth MBBS graduates who will be reading this, thus feeling that I heeded to their request to write on the ASUU strike, haven written on the Medical strike; save yourselves the vain glory of praising yourselves that you made me pen this down. It has long been in the pipeline.
As my wife youngest brother graduated from one of these private Nigerian universities with smiles on his face, I looked next to me and there sat a young friend of his, who has come to congratulate him, yet harboring a gloomy face. I pitied him to his soul, considering what he was going through as a result of what must be going through his mind. Here was a young man who had hoped to graduate before the age of 20 now seeing his dreams crashed without any fault of his, due to ASUU strike.
That a government duly (s) elected by her people will spend millions of naira on a party convention when her future whims and curse at home is definitely an act that only Lucifer could have engineered. What manner of leadership that leaves her future in gloom and doom while nurturing the past, symbolized by Bamanga Tukur. We are not unaware that Nigeria has one of the most insincere, lying and corrupt leaders, but no one could ever imagine that this presidency will ever be part of such demonic endeavor, considering his academic background.
How Nigerians love titles and its holders, a tragic flaw that President Goodluck Jonathan and his band of polithieves worked on during the 2011 general election, drumming into all ears that listen, on how Jonathan will perform to the peak due to his doctoral degree appellation. They brought down the various roofs singing his antecedent as a lecturer who knows the plights of the Nigerian lecturers and students hence will make strike in our ivory institution a thing of the past. They sang it, they wrote it, they shouted it and composed a song with it all in a bid to deceive the masses, and we gullibly believed him. The scales have now fallen off our eyes and we must ask all the necessary questions.
Did Jonathan truly lecture? Did he truly bag a PHD degree and if yes, did he write his thesis by himself just the way many of us did? I sincerely doubt his doctoral certificate and its time we call for his result to determine this. For the universities to be on strike for three months without any tangible solution to their demands, is tantamount to a nation sacrificing her future. For heaven's sake, what has the Nigerian universities done to the presidency that he cannot forgive them and bow in to their requests. I smell a rat here. Oh yes; I suspect that President Goodluck Jonathan must have applied to be a lecturer in any of these universities during his struggling days and he was not accepted. Secondly, the Jesus Christ of Okrika, Dame Patience Jonathan might have applied for admission in these universities early in life, but didn't get their cut off mark until very late into her early 30s. Thirdly, the university of port Harcourt may have denied him the first class which he earnestly desired; and now is the payback time to avenge the many 'atrocities' done against him and his Lady Macbeth.
We refuse there is no money to give to the universities; we do not agree to Ngozi Okonjo Iweala strange economic grammar of being financially incapacitated to meet ASUU demands. We just refuse to believe. These lecturers are not speaking what they don't know, and should in case you forget who they are; they are the erudite men we call professors and dons, who taught you and I to our present level of education. They are the engine that drives the future of our nation, a term you love to use when canvassing for votes. These lecturers are not daft like many Nigerians that Okonjo Iweala language can deceive. No, they know more than you and your minister of finance combined together, thus when they talk, they speak with facts. These are the very group your minister had an agreement with and now wants to renege. It doesn't work that way.
Let those of us who do not even understand the mathematics of your coordinating minister of economy pretend that we have been 'deceived' by her, yet we know that there is a fund reservoir from our excess crude oil. We are telling you to dip your hand in it to give to ASUU. Don't worry about our economy; we are ready to smoke garri and sleep, believing that the undergraduates will revamp back our economy that you and your generation have raped to coma.
Three months of academic strike is enough to turn a student into a miscreant, especially with the rate of poverty that you have inflicted on their psyche. Their being at home is enough to fulfill the maxim of 'an idle mind is the devils workshop' and let no one blame them when they begin to display such devils act in their various abode. That is what Jonathan has turned them into. How disappointing that a name that was meant to bring Goodluck to the economic sector has finally turned round to usher in bad luck. How evil it is that a man who once taught in the ivory tower and now had the opportunity to better their lots forever has turned round to stab the very institution he once belong at the back. Truly, your best friend can be your enemy.
Like a tale told by a fool, the presidency want us to believe that they have the interest of Nigerians at heart when each family has a child sitting at home caused by the strike. Mr. President, the lecturers are not the losers but the students', after all they are paid their salaries at the end of the months while the students rot away. That ASUU is on strike while the Minister of education is comfortable instead of resigning, or being sacked concludes the weakness of Jonathan. How can ASUU be on industrial action and the minister of education (state) cause mayhem and havoc in Rivers State, when he should be proffering solution? This isn't just right!
The sum ASUU is demanding is not truly enough to meet the need of the various universities, yet they have been magnanimous to demand for such chicken sum of money, when the senators and partners in looting, the legislators are allocating millions of jumbo pay to themselves. Were I ASUU, I would be demanding for trillion or isn't what is good for the geese also good for the gander?
Mr. President, as you battle for your political survival following the two factions in your party, you can bet on this that should refuse to give in to our almighty ASUU, you will have nailed your political coffin and lowered it to the grave yourself. I need not tell you that ASUU is a fraternity, with loyal members in the society whom constitute a great number of voters; should they turn their back on you in this wilderness experience of yours, the political orphanage home will not be enough to accommodate you.
I sincerely pity you in your shoes and I do not envy it, but I pity our children more who are at home due to your lack of presidential guts to tell your ministers what to do, rather they decide for you. Truly, this is not the hallmark of a great leader and I regret to say that you lack it.
And to you ASUU, if the billions you demand for is given to you, who will be held accountable for the failure, should it be mismanaged? Who will be responsible for the monitoring and evaluation of the progress of works that the money is meant for? Hope the money will stop thesis from lying in your bookshelves and results released in time? It is not enough to blame the government and demand for your right without proper things put in place. Nigerians believe in your cause, we believe in your struggle and agitation, but most of all; we believe in the future of our children that you represent. Please do not disappoint us as President Jonathan sign the agreement.
But seriously, I doubt President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan doctoral degree, and I demand to be proved wrong.
RESPONSES TO PRESIDENT JONATHAN QUITS; HIS RESIGNATION LETTER LEAKS!
With hundreds of sms and mails received, we regret to pen down only these:
Fejiro, you have undoubtedly become the choice of Nigerian; this was the master stroke of a satire. Chukwuemeka Isaiah (London)
How did you come about this article? You made everyone around me scream thinking it was true. But you shall got Jonathan rolling his sleeves. Matthew Makinde (France)
Oliver, just when I taught you reports on the medical strike was a blast, you proved me wrong with your satire. What on earth gave you such idea to coin up this letter? Juliet (Nigeria)
No doubt that you are the media rave of the moment. We the youths look up to you as a voice. Your article on President Jonathan would have landed you in jail had you not put the post mortem. Bravo. Ahmad Konduga (Nigeria)
Your write up of recent has caused enough fear in the minds of corrupt leaders and proud medical workers, but we are proud of you. I really believed that our president resigned, not until I called you. You are my husband favorite journalist. Jennifer Obaraeze. (Spain)
Gosh! You are a genius. You got me there, but do you hate our president so much that you want him to resign? He must complete his tenure o. Tega Imoni (Nigeria)
I seriously don't know who you are working for between APC and PDP, but you are a good catch for media campaign. Saliu Umar (Nigeria)
I do not wish to write this, but I must, in case it's a fraud. While the controversial resignation satire was on, I got a friend request from Patience D Jonathan. I hesitated to accept until I had check her profile, but however got shocked that it had all the paraphernalia of the First Lady including what you will call private pictures of her and the president.
However, I still believe it's a pseudo Patience Jonathan, and I'm using this medium to draw her attention to it, unless I'm proved wrong.
These little things matter
Fejiro Oliver, a Journalist can be reached on [email protected] and +2348026797588 (sms only please). Follow on twitter @fejirooliver86 and Facebook; fejirooliver86. Like our Facebook page- secretsreporters