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21.02.2009 Feature Article

Sikaman Palava: The tragedy on Valentine's Day

A good number of people have died in hotel rooms in romantic circumstances and need to be honoured for dying in style. Such stylish deaths are rare and tributes to such individuals have to be written to befit the circumstances of their passing on.

It was in the 1990s when we heard a 50-year-old man called it quits in an Accra hotel room. He was found completely naked, foam dripping from the comers of his mouth. Apparently the bloke had a hectic time coping with the pace of his much younger partner. His heart simply gave way.

Till today, the young babe who inadvertently facilitated the man's exit from this world is still not known. The hotel's front-desk man remembers that the young girl casually strolled out and was never seen again. The hotel had to consult with the bereaved family to cart off the deceased to the morgue.

Too bad he didn't live up to his billing. He should have read the weather before consorting with the girl. Sometimes you need to read the barometer of your physical make-up before going into such high-risk ventures.

I have often heard some over-50 men saying the way to feel and stay young is to go for the 'starlets' 'who have young blood and fresh vitamins. Of course, getting a starlet with all the claims to minerals and vitamins isn't a big deal if you really want it but the question is whether or not you are up to the task?

It is natural for a middle-aged man to underrate the sexual capabilities of an 18-year-old babe. He'd claim over 30 years experience in 'bedmatics'. He'd also claim to have bedded women of ala shapes, sizes and pedigree, from nonentities to famous beauty queens. "I have seen it all" he'd say proudly.

To such a man, he thinks a 15-year-old girl cannot floor him. And if he takes Ogidigidi or Target Bitters, he was sure the young girl could not stand his fire-power. Of course, the Shege Bitters can enhance the libido and turn an ageing man into a young Romeo, but he must go softly, softly or he'd flip over the bar.

And on occasions like Valentine's Day when the oldies also want their fair share of the action, any over enthusiasm can be potentially obituaristic.

A newspaper has reported a Valentine tragedy. A chief (name withheld), about 64 years of age, went to a beach resort with someone referred to as his concubine. The ill-fated man allegedly informed his wife that he was going for a meeting.

Indeed, it was a meeting, wasn't it? He probably even phoned back home to inform his people that the 'meeting' was getting pretty hectic and so he'd stay on for quite sometime before coming back. They should not worry about his returning home late.

The report said the chief's concubine started screaming for help and ran out towards the sea in an attempt to drown herself, but some hotel workers prevented her from doing so. Sad news!

He was taken to hospital dead on arrival (DOA). Even if you feed him a tonne of oxygen you cannot revive the man, once declared DOA. His next referral was to the mortuary. That is the last stop and end to the romantic story.

Beyond the age of 60, I think men should be extra careful with their sexual preferences. Some men want to experience the entire thrill they used to get when they were younger. That is not possible because cheating nature can be to the peril of your life.

We have heard gossips about old men even demanding very creative sexual positions from their spouses, claiming that the normal 'missionary' style has outlived its usefulness. They would even want to try the very innovative 'wheelbarrow' style that can lead them directly to the graveyard. No curve, no bend!

Well, no one can begrudge the oldies getting some fun out of their lonely, sometimes painful lives. They wake up with creaking bones, arthritic backs and rheumatic legs. Fortunately, the human physiology is such that the male reproductive organ outlives its counterparts. Even at 90, a man can get it up and breed children. Nature is wonderful, but don't overstretch its benevolence.

Author: Merari Alomele
Email: [email protected]

Source: The Spectator

The Spectator
The Spectator, © 2009

This author has authored 20 publications on Modern Ghana. Author column: TheSpectator

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