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15.11.2008 Feature Article

Haunted by your sexual performance?

You've been dating her for a while now and tonight may be that special night when you finally get to do your sexual dance between the sheets. You want to make it special, and you want her to feel the ultimate in satisfaction.

Suddenly, all these paranoid thoughts come to mind.

• What if she thinks I'm too small? What if I don't last long enough? What if she doesn't orgasm? Then before you know it, things go completely awry.

It's the first time you're going to be with her and yet your mini-me, who so affectionately participates fully when your hand comes to visit, simply won't participate when the little Miss is present. You can't believe this is happening. You feel flustered, confused and inadequate.

And thus begins the vicious cycle, a self-fulfilling prophecy if you will, because this one time leads to other discouraging thoughts: Oh my God, what's wrong with me? Is it going to keep happening? I really am a horrible lover ... Stop it, NOW!

What's happening here?

Performance anxiety is a very common sexual problem in which men (and yes, even women) acquire brutal anxiety when it comes time to engage in sexual activity. What ultimately happens is that you become so fully engrossed in the fear of the inability to perform, that it ends up overtaking what should've been a spontaneous flow of sexual feelings.

The fear of not being able to perform sexually can affect guys in a variety of ways:

They tend to avoid sexual encounters

• They can develop low self-esteem
• The relationship may deteriorate
• It can lead to sexual dysfunction

But you know what? That's not the way things have to be. The mind is a very powerful tool and today you're going to learn how to use it to no only maintain an erection, but be the lover your woman always knew you could be.

Take a look inside

There are a multitude of reasons why this could be happening to you. So take a few, steps back and look for what could be causing such intense anxiety. Guys are usually quick to point out that they aren't feeling stress in any way, but if you'd take a minute and really think about it, there is something at the root of this particular problem - find it.

Stress can stem from anywhere: your family is getting on your nerves, you're about to embark on your first time with a woman you've been after for years, your boss is the equivalent of an unsecured tyrant, your company is downsizing, finals are creeping up on you ... you get the general idea.

The fact that these things are weighing heavily on our mind is deterring you from delving into your sexual experience with no holds barred: And once you're able to leave all the muck on the outside and let the bedroom be your sexual sanctuary, you will finally overcome your performance anxiety.

Source:The Spectator

The Spectator
The Spectator, © 2008

This author has authored 20 publications on Modern Ghana. Author column: TheSpectator

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