I feel as if I am floating to the top… it's almost like swimming in a turbulent sea, up and up I come. It actually feels like the time I was being set free! Finally, I find myself totally free of the murkiness. My vision is clearer now and I feel my body tingle with life.
My eyes flutter open: ah! It was just a semi-peaceful sleep that I went through. A cold breeze actually made me yawn and stretch lazily and I could here my… Before you jump to conclusions, I want you to know that I am not Esenam…I mean I give her credit for expressing me but hey! she can't be me! Well just be patient and I will tell you who I am but if you can guess, I will make you my favourite…
What was I also saying, oh I remember now: I was saying that I could hear my numerous children stirring from slumber; gradually getting ready for another hectic day of roaming in, out and around me(first clue to knowing my name).
Oh no! 'cackle, cackle, shhh,,,rrrr' did you here all that noise? It is some funny gadget or something like that and this is that part of the morning that I do not appreciate at all. They make all these funny noises until you hear some of my children talking through it. Funny enough they are always saying one funny thing or gossiping about me.
They fight on, with me at the centre of it all. I just wish they stop all the talk and start taking some actions to improve my life. After all, that is the purpose of that gadget…'radio' yeah!
Hey! there goes that other one that I can see my children on! I don't seize to be amazed at all. I can actually see those contour lines that one of the boys call a map (major clue, hope you know me now).
I must admit that I am curvy, perhaps that was why those pinky-skinned men with catty eyes fought over me so much in the past. They stole so many of my children; if you ask me, they should keep all the stones but I want to see my children…any time I think of them I feel like crying.
Let me wipe my tears and continue. Where was I? Ah yes, I can see my children on their feet now 'vuum! Zoooommm!' there they go again, I'm trying to keep pace with these people. They drive on my skin without any thought to my feelings. Sometimes I am tempted to forget that I birthed them. Well, they say they are going to work, gone are the days when they walked days on end. These days, when I tell you that my children do not respect me anymore, believe it. Those early days, ooh those early days when I was the number one priority for my sons and daughters whom I have buried now. They fought for me, they nestled my seeds and they pampered me.
These days, everyone has a personal agenda as first priority. Listen to that: they are singing my birthday on that gadget! Oh how sweet but wait a minute! Why are you all in a hurry to sing my birthday when I am left with a couple more weeks! So you all want me to die soon or what; or is it that there's plenty money you want 'chop' in the name of my birthday?
“Now Esenam, stop clicking away on that boardkey…”
“Huh? You startled me and the word is keyboard, mother…”
“don't mention my name, young lady! That is for the reader to figure out and if they're smart enough, they would know by now”
“really, mother…or sorry I almost forgot. Now why did you call me?”
“tell me something Esenam, what is the haloloba…”
“Ha! Ha! Ha! Its hullabaloo!”
“whatever but answer my question and do resume your click, click, click before you forget my words.”
“soo…soon as I stop laughing but you didn't complete the question”
“Well I said what is the hullabaloo about my upcoming birthday and why are they doing all these big preparation?”
“well…simple as ABC, they think that you have entered an important year that should be celebrated, I mean being your golden jubilee and all, I suppose they have a right to, after all, the good sons and daughters of your blessed womb love you that much”
“alright alright, but how come I see my gifts going to my family house and I haven't received a dime?”
“Let's just say that on that day you will receive everything, well at least that is what we're assuming. But let me ask you this, mother: should your eldest son give you all that money, what will you use it for?”
“hmm, I suppose I will share it all among the ten regions of my curvy body so that all my children can have access to them and then I will make sure at least I improve the road networks, utility services such as water, electricity and the like. But of cause since it will be my 50th birthday, I will use some for festivities and monuments so that my children will always remember; what do you think?”
“not bad and it is a good thing you didn't suggest those presidential houses being constructed…”
“in the name of your birthday mother”
“I think it is a waste of money and how come I wasn't consulted on the matter? So what are those for and wait a minute….are those the semi completed buildings I see in the cantonment area?”
“yes mother and I'm surprised you didn't know about it. It's good you don't like the idea or I would have deleted your babbling words from my screen!”
“yeah right and I would have yanked my body from under your feet so you hang in space”
“checkmate. Tell me mother, you seem perky today, anything bothering you?”
“you right, I have been worried of late and these days I get little sleep even though I know God still gives me peace. Its my two oldest sons: the two J's they have been at each other's throat of late and I'm scared they will break my heart one of these days if I don't do something, Esenam.”
“maybe you should just tie the two of them together and lock them in James Fort with nobody else to talk to and then they may be forced to become friends.”
“Don't remind me of that dreadful slave fort where my children were catered away…”
“then maybe you should remind the present “J'' to stop using the Osu Castle as your sacred seat of authority; it represents the same thing.”
“[email protected] that's a good point, I will think about it and discuss it with him. You look thoughtful yourself Esenam. Whats on your mind?”
“ was just wondering if the readers will understand today's feature, I mean you seem to be babbling…”
“babbling? Listen young lady! I will have you know that I am the best English student and orator there is in the universe and don't roll your eyes at me!”
“slow down, okay…”
“something just occurred to me: don't you think I should change my name again?”
“what? Look, you're out of expression now, its better I end this article here…”
“no wait! I mean, I used to be a collection of states, then I was called Gold Coast and now Ghana. Since I will be fifty in March, I should be called…”
'that's the most ridiculous idea you've ever suggested in my whole life'
'okay, forget it.'
By Esenam DUMENU
Writing in her 'Esenam Writes' column in the dailyEXPRESS Newspaper.