Kofi Dubai: one week to elections

Dear Reader,

If the Ghanaian had long memories, I would have conceded by now. If the Ghanaian had long memories, Madam Akua Donkor and I would have been running neck-and-neck in the polls by now.

But thanks to the Ghanaian’s legendary short memory, I can confidently say that Kofi Dubai “afa”. Or have I?

Travelling around the country, I have come to appreciate what Nana Opana meant when he said “yɛ te sika so ɛn so yɛ se ɛkɔm de yɛn” to wit “we are sitting on resources and yet complaining of lack and hunger”. Evidence of development over the last three years are all over the place. Schools, hospitals, warehouses for agricultural produce, roads, mini-dams, buildings for Offices, you name it, and you are sure to find it in one district or the other. The Ghanaian also seems to have found some optimism in his/her future, or at least in the future of his/her children and grandchildren.

So why did my Finance Minister tell me that “Ghana was broke and needed to go to the IMF for POLICY CREDIBILITY”? If Nana Opana has been able to do it even in a pandemic, why did my government fail so woefully? I shall deal with these nagging questions in my next government. But for now, I have an election to win.

I had been assured by my advisors that the WASSCE results following Free SHS, Double Track and COVID-19 would be the worst in the history of WASSCE. That would have presented me with the perfect political opportunity to deal Nana Opana a crippling blow by holding up his flagship program of Free SHS as rushed and ill-implemented. As it turned out, Nana Opana’s babies, the pioneers of Free SHS, attained the best WASSCE results in 6 years!

In the face of the above turn of events, I, Kofi Dubai, was in a dilemma. I had to do some quick thinking a la Maradona’s “hand-of-God” goal. The solution was actually quite simple. I simply announced that I, Kofi Dubai, implemented Free SHS. With the Ghanaian’s short memory, that was the end of that dilemma.

What is the agenda for the last week before elections? Well, thanks to Martin Amidu whose comment about me I had described as “stupid” not too long ago, I think my work is cut out for me. If the President so much as coughs, I shall scream “corruption”. Thanks, again to Martin Amidu, who decided to consider my candidacy as an insurance against prosecution, Government Official One and Airbus are now well-hidden in the clouds. If I ever become President again, that Airbus plane will never land if I have anything to do with it.

Yours truly,

Kofi Dubai

G. Adu Gyimah

[email protected]