Maame Yeboah Asiedu now known as Mrs Smith: 3ny3 wanwa

Maame Yeboah Asiedu ( Mrs Smith): A Cautionary Tale

In our society, we teach girls to be lovable to others, but not to love themselves. Maame Yeboah Asiedu herself said "we train women more than men, holding them responsible for tasks like cooking, cleaning, industriousness, and maintaining impeccable behaviour "– the list is endless. Men, on the other hand, often only have one task to be industrious and in modern Ghana a lot don't even have that quality. Somewhere along the line, many are led to believe women exist solely to cater to them. It's not entirely their fault; they're raised with this expectation. We control girls from their outings and movements to their very essence, while boys roam freely. We fear the world will take advantage of our girls, but fail to realize that control itself can be the greatest trap.

Consider our Christian counsellor, Maame Yeboah Asiedu ( Mrs Smith). A woman controlled by everyone except herself – society, her husband, even her own opinion. In a painful audio recording, she asks, "I cook, I clean, I work hard. I'm everything a wife should be. Why do you treat me badly?" She blames herself for her husband's failings – his inability to work, his infidelity, his disrespect. The problem lies with him, not her! No matter who you are, people disrespect even presidents and God. Don't think that doing certain things will earn you respect or love. What matters is what you tolerate. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." You have the choice to walk away from disrespect.

This counsellor, who preached that a woman's behaviour controls her man, is not an anomaly. Many believe a man's misbehaviour is the woman's fault, due to her lack of cooking, cleaning, being industrious or submissiveness. It's supposedly the reason women are single, their men leave them, abuse them or they haven't found "good men." Even if a man misbehaves, they believe your behaviour will bring him back, and leaving him is always your fault. Here's a woman who endured twenty years of a marriage to a man who didn't work, whom she fed, who slept with housegirls, friends, even attempted with her sister (according to the audio). She stayed because she "had to try harder." In interviews, she called him a "gentleman" for having two masters degrees! She even told us how to find a "man of calibre."

Her counselling career revolves around judging, advising, and ultimately, controlling women. She tolerated all this because our society somehow believes you can control a man with your behaviour. And for many, marriage and societal approval are the be-all and end-all.

We teach our girls to shrink themselves, to control themselves in order to be accepted. But isn't the greatest love the love for oneself? The self-belief that you deserve the world and more? Anyone who can't see that is truly lost. If Maame Yeboah Asiedu truly loved herself, she wouldn't have seen her husband as a prize worth suffering for, wasting years on nonsense.

She's now remarried, shortly after a divorce she didn't believe in because "women shouldn't get divorced" and "all men have issues." Divorced women, she believes, are "spoiled goods" who should never remarry. Even the Bible allows leaving a cheating spouse, but she prioritized societal judgment and the supposed incompleteness of a divorced woman. She claimed marriage is "sweet" with someone who cares about you, even though her husband clearly didn't. Her remarriage seems driven by the same need for approval, not self-love. Despite all the hurt she's caused, I feel sorry for her - a victim of societal conditioning.

A woman with such a powerful voice, reduced to a puppet dancing to the tune of others' opinions. She scoffs at feminists advising women to leave abusive marriages, calling them "unwise." Today, she stands among the "unwise" herself.

And to those of you tolerating all sorts of rubbish in your life, whether in relationships or elsewhere, I implore you: stop. Stop seeking respect, approval, and love from others. Learn to love yourself, to receive love freely, and to break free from the chains of self-denial. Those in abusive relationships, leave! Don't listen to the garbage of so-called counsellors. Love yourself.