"I Am Not Against Marriage, But Women Should Not Be Defined By It" – Uzor Arukwe Clarifies

Uzor Arukwe

Nollywood actor Uzor Arukwe has issued a clarification following the uproar that trailed his recent comments about marriage on a podcast.

The Nigerian Voice recalls that Arukwe, while speaking on the 'In My Opinion' podcast, sparked outrage after he stated that he has never been an advocate of marriage because he feels it is more tasking for a woman. He noted that women bear children, take their husband's last name, and go through many other changes, adding that society is now catching on to the fact that marriage does not define a woman.

Addressing the controversy that emanated from his comment, the award-winning actor took to his Instagram page to pen a lengthy message, explaining that his response was based on what he witnessed growing up, where young girls were taught that their accomplishments would be incomplete until they became somebody's wife.

He stated that he is not against the institution of marriage itself, but against the thinking that a woman's greatest achievement should be measured by whether or not she becomes a wife. He acknowledged that he could have expressed the distinction more clearly during the interview and took responsibility for the ambiguity.

Arukwe also addressed the reactions from men who felt his statement overlooked their sacrifices, noting that he understands the responsibilities men carry in providing for their families. He added that marriage should be a union of two individuals who choose to build together, not an institution that requires either person to lose their individuality.

He expressed his desire for his daughters to understand that marriage can be beautiful, but it should never be the only definition of a life well lived. He further thanked everyone who contributed to the conversation and reaffirmed his respect for the institution of marriage.

He wrote:
"I've taken some time to reflect on the conversations and reactions that followed a statement I made during a recent interview about marriage. First, I want to say that I have seen your comments, read your concerns and listened to the different perspectives being shared."

"My decision not to address the situation immediately was never because I felt I owed anyone an explanation or because I considered your concerns unimportant. Quite the opposite."

"I wanted to allow the emotions surrounding the conversation to settle, but more importantly, I wanted to be certain that when I spoke, I was doing so from a place of reflection and not defensiveness. Now, to the conversation itself. The question I was asked during the interview was whether society has oversold the importance of marriage to women. And my response came from something I witnessed growing up."

"For many young girls, almost everything they were taught about becoming a woman was somehow connected to becoming somebody's wife. Learn to cook because your husband will need to eat. Learn to keep a home because one day you'll get married. Learn to behave a certain way because no man will marry a woman who behaves otherwise. Somewhere along the line, we created a society where a woman's accomplishments could sometimes feel incomplete until she became somebody's wife. And that is the thinking I have never been an advocate of. Not marriage itself."

"I have never believed that a woman's greatest achievement in life should be measured by whether or not she becomes somebody's wife. I believe a woman should aspire to become the best version of herself, discover her purpose, pursue her ambitions and build a meaningful life. Not because doing those things will make her better marriage material, but because she is a human being with dreams, abilities and a purpose of her own. Perhaps I could have expressed that distinction more clearly during the interview, and I take responsibility for the ambiguity my words may have created."

"But I also want to address something that has featured prominently in the reactions, particularly from men who felt my statement overlooked the sacrifices they make to build and sustain their families. I hear you, and I understand why that matters. I know that marriage is not a responsibility carried by one person alone. I know what it means to wake up every day with the responsibility of providing for the people you love and care about. I know what it means to pursue a demanding career while trying to remain present for your immediate and extended family."

"There are moments when work requires me to be away from home, moments when I have to make difficult choices between professional commitments and personal responsibilities, and moments when I am reminded that being a good father is not simply about providing a comfortable life for your children, but also about being present to experience that life with them. These are responsibilities I carry with pride, just as countless men do every day, often without applause or recognition. And I would never deliberately undermine those sacrifices."

"Growing up with an industrious and resourceful mother, I witnessed firsthand the balancing act that many women perform daily. I saw her juggle her career and business, and help provide for our home. I saw what those responsibilities demanded of her as a woman. I also recognise the sacrifices women make, the dreams they sometimes put on hold, the responsibilities they carry and the compromises they make for the families they love. I also watched my father work hard as an engineer to provide for us and make an effort to be present in our lives, even if his reserved nature meant he expressed his love differently. My respect for the institution of marriage remains unwavering."

"I do not believe marriage should become a competition about whose sacrifices are greater. The responsibilities of husbands and wives may differ, but the contributions of both deserve recognition and respect. I believe deeply in the institution of marriage. One of the reasons I have always chosen to keep my family away from the public eye is because I believe that being a public figure does not mean everyone connected to me must surrender their right to privacy."

"My family deserves the freedom to live, grow, make choices and enjoy their lives without having every moment subjected to public scrutiny. And interestingly, that same belief in the freedom to define one's own life is at the heart of what I was trying to communicate in that interview."

"I want my daughters to grow up understanding that marriage can be beautiful and that family is important, but I also want them to understand that before they become anybody's wife, they are individuals with identities, dreams, talents and aspirations that are entirely their own."

"I want them to be ambitious, industrious, resourceful, successful and impactful... I want them to be confident. I want them to discover who they are and what they were created to do. And if they choose to get married someday, I want them to enter that union not because society has made them feel incomplete without a husband, but because they have found someone with whom they genuinely want to share the beautiful life they are already building. Because I believe marriage should be a union of two individuals who choose to build together, not an institution that requires either person to lose their individuality."

"I can believe in the beauty of marriage and still believe that a woman's life should not revolve entirely around becoming a wife. I can celebrate the sacrifices women make without diminishing the sacrifices of men. And I can teach my daughters the importance of family while also encouraging them to pursue their dreams beyond the expectations society places on them. These beliefs are not mutually exclusive."

"To everyone who has contributed to this conversation, especially those who expressed disappointment, thank you for speaking your mind. I may not always get my words perfectly right, but I will never become too proud to listen, reflect and clarify my intentions when necessary. And to everyone who has supported me over the years, I remain deeply grateful."

"My appreciation for the sacrifices of husbands and fathers has not changed neither has my belief that women deserve the freedom to define their own aspirations. Marriage can be a beautiful part of life, but it should never be the only definition of a life well lived. With love and respect, Uzor Arukwe."