A Glimpse Of Kingdom Marriage

This is Part Two of the First Episode of the Marriage Journals and it is continued from Who is at the Centre of it?

There are many types of marriages out there. In this series I am referring to a Christian marriage, a marriage that is founded by God and on godly principals. I will call this a Kingdom Marriage. It is about Jesus, not ourselves, as God originally intended. A kingdom marriage is not just about being married through a Christian ceremony and afterward you do what you think. It is about operation the marriage exclusively the way God wants. It’s not about what you like but what Jesus wants. You may have some dreams or funny ideas but you have to enquire from Him. Talk to him as you ask.

‘for the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking [what one likes], but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.’ Romans 14:17 AMP .

Most of us have unrealistic childhood fantasies on marriage. These fantasies are all centred about me, and having my needs met. They are all about pleasing me, and first of all finding the person to please me.

Because of this we have come to believe that if my spouse is making me happy then this is God’s plan. We think that a happy husband and wife is a kingdom marriage. This is being short sighted, and excludes eternity.

So, one day if the spouse does something that does not make us happy the bubble pops. We quickly assume that this is the wrong spouse. ‘Why is he not making me happy?’ ‘Why is she made with me?’ A kingdom marriage is about God and his will. If you take God out of it, it will not work.

As you read the story of David in the book of Samuel and Chronicles you will note that the statement ‘David inquired of the Lord’ is repeated again and again. I believe this is the secret David’s success. Even after sinning he repented and continued pursuing God. No wonder he is referred as ‘a man after God’s heart.’ We have to ‘inquire of the Lord’ for our marriages when things are good and when things are not so good. God started so he can fix it.

Again in the books of Chronicles it stands out very clear that the kings who ‘followed the way of the Lord’ prospered. The sane with your marriage, if you follow God’s way, doing what he want you to, you will prosper and be fruitful. But if you follow the wisdom of the world, though it sounds good, you will not prosper.

I have discovered that in life you are responsible for your decisions and God is for His decisions.

Make the decision carefully. Consider God and put Him at the centre when things are well, way before trouble begins. In this way you will avoid falling into pit and snares that the enemy has setup for you.

Perhaps you are saying, ‘what do I do, I have made wrong choices?’ Do what David did after sinning. He repented and continued to ‘inquire of the Lord.’ God restored him. And I know he will restore you if you continue to ‘inquire of the Lord.’

In life we limit what God wants to do in our lives by our actions. God is saying today ‘Come now, let us reason together’ ( Isaiah 1:18 ). He is ready to get into your life and fight for you, that is, if you allow him. You have to make a decision to live a God guided life. You have to make a decision to let go of unforgiveness, pride and selfishness that is blocking God away from your life.

Key Hindrances to Kingdom Marriage
If the idea of Kingdom Marriage is so simple then how do we miss it? There are a number of obstacles to understanding and eventually accepting the Kingdom Marriage.

Our views on marriage and our level of tolerance are influenced by a number of factors. These includes;

1) Our Past Experiences. Correcting our parents’ mistakes is good. However there is a tendency to either over-correct your parents’ mistakes, or follow the mistakes of the parent you sympathise with.

2) Our Religious Views. The church traditions play a role in shaping our views on marriage. They way marriage is treated in church shapes our minds. It spells out expectations and set tolerance levels. It set boundaries of what is acceptable or not acceptable.

2) Our Worldview and Cultural Backgrounds. Our worldview ‘is made up of our fundamental mental orientation based on our knowledge and point of view.’ It is consist of global ideas and beliefs of marriage and it functions. Ideas that do not fit our worldview are foreign and they end up in the ‘blind spot.’ In the blind spot it is difficult to get it. Therefore the meaning of marriage differs from the west, the Americas, the Middle East, Africa, Europe and Asia because of different worldviews. Below are some of the ways our worldviews are shaped.

Dating in African Culture. Unless you intend to marry the boy in the next year or so, you do not introduce him/her to your parents. Introduction in most African cultures is almost the equivalent of marriage. Once your mate has been introduced to your parents, you have to stick with him/her ‘for life.’ For them if you date someone it means you want to marry him/her. If the parents found out that their daughter is dating someone, they are likely to request a formal introduction to the guy in order to ‘safe guard’ their daughter. So from this we can see that this is a culture that strongly believes that marriage is for life and that dating is for marriage, not fun.

Fifty – Fifty Relationship. In this cultural view marriage is handled as a contract, that is, 'If I give this, I get that.' The husband give 50% and the wife give 50% to make 100%. If you do not deliver on your marriage promise it is an unacceptable breach of contract. The marriage contract may be terminated. There is a small room for grace and mercy, or unconditional love. And if one spouse becomes disabled to the point of not able to deliver marital duties, the marriage ends. For example in the marriage if the husband wants a favour from the wife, he has to offer her a favour. There is a tendency to keep scores of ‘good deed’ so that I can get a favour in return. The ideas of doing something for love or nothing is strange. The ‘til death’ promise is not taken literally. The strength of the marriage is based on the ability and willingness to deliver your marital promises.

Married Proportion. In some regions like the Middle East the percentage of married adults is more than 80%. Marriage is everyone’s top goal. In these areas divorce is like ‘swear word.’ So, no matter how hard the challenges experienced the couples prefer to resolve issues than give up. However the advancement of modern cultures is creating more and more singles adults. As a result moving back to singleness is not a big deal any more.

Community Involvement in Marriage. In many African and far eastern cultures marriage is viewed as a communal relationship than individual decision. The community is a stakeholder. This becomes a huge factor in the dynamics of the marriage. There are benefit and disadvantages to it.

The Roles in Marriage. In many cultures women have less or no say in a marriage. The husband is autocratic and must not be disobeyed. He keeps all the family finances and has the final word. As a result there are many incidents of abuse of wives. On the other hand, some cultures believe in equal rights in marriage. This new freedom for wives is at times taken further to a point where the wife leads the family.

These and many other elements form the primary base that defines your role as a spouse and shapes your expectations. They have become part of our identity. Unfortunately they can override your faith in God. They usually become your default when your 'faith' seems to fail. However this would be the time when you need God most.

Going against them is like attacking one’s self. Surprisingly these are the areas God will challenge you. Some of these cultural behaviours are good and godly, others are good but ungodly and others are simply bad. As you continue reading this series, you will find out how God is challenging these systems in order to establish a Kingdom Marriages. Remember that 'Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.' ( 1 Cor 10:23 ).

As you contemplate;

• What steps are you going to take to make your marriage more of a Kingdom Marriage?
• What past experiences, religious view, cultural views or worldview do you have, whether good or bad?

This is the end of the First Episode of the Marriage Journals . The series continues in the Second Episode titled What is The State of your Marriage?

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© Copyright 2016 by It’s My Footprint, www.itsmyfootprint.com .

Taka Sande, www.takasande.com is an author, an entrepreneur and development activist. He has a passion for making a difference by influencing and adding value to people’s lives. He is the founder of the blog It’s My Footprint, http://www.itsmyfootprint.com /.