Heartbreak: A Phoenix?

Innocence makes us amenable to seek the truth: although we are nothing more than a subject of thoughts, trust your heart. Everyone sees the truth in proportion to the clarity of his or her heart; thus, it is the heart that opens the mind to learn but not the other way round. Well, this may sound naive, but it surely worth it.

For it wasn’t until recently that a friend opened her heart to understand that the love complex is a quest for a version of experience. For all you know, the love complex was a deep ocean before her, which she thought stepping a foot in it could make her know it until she begun to swim in it. Almost everyone is bound to have this experience in the metric of time and space to know an essence in life; and in as much as we want to love and to be loved, we should always expect to pay a price, which is possible heartbreak.

A couple of months ago, a first year student at KNUST took her life suggested to be heartbreak in a relationship; and barely a week after, a young lady in Kumasi fell prey to the same situation. In a much less situation as these, people in such conditions may be predispose to abuse of psychoactive drugs – with other adverse manifestations in the journey of life.

Anyhow, beyond the shadows of doubt, something should cause them to avoid. What could that possibly be? It is COMMUNICATION.

Most often than not, the words that proceed out of the mouth comes from the heart, and what develops into action interacts with the heart and mind. The buildup of the African traditional society is on the foundation of communication. Salient to the ideal of communication is the social order of triple C: communalism, cooperatism and collectivism - contrary to the western world’s pathology of rugged individualism, which impacts on our society seem to have rendered us vulnerable to the cause of the increasing number of suicide - especially among the youth.

Upon realizing she was on the verge of an emotional breakdown from a breakup, I had to duly recommend the potion of triple C to heal the wrecks inflicted in her:

COMMUNALISM
Life is relationship, knitted by experience. What should have been the case of the two deceased ladies opening up to share their experiences of emotional breakdown was probably missing. The struggle is non-material, therefore, the first and most important step is to commune yourself with the ‘Source of life’, God. By divine order, our lives are never at random. Everything happens to us for a reason, and for that reason we should be made to understand situation has its corresponding cause and effect. Therefore, redeem yourself with the ultimate ‘Source of Life’ for an immense strength.

Moreover, we are who we are because of everybody. It is never the case that you will possess something non-material that nobody has or will not have. Ideally, there is nothing new. So whenever we begin to identify ourselves with those who had had the experience of helping us through professional counseling and active programs, we are giving ourselves a chance to learn to recover.

COOPERATISM
Give yourself time and space. Nothing reforms a composition better than time; however, the passage of time has no value until there is direct human intervention of action. Many would want to promptly recover from their state of heartbreaks, which is liable to relapse to their initial state, when no effort to regain one’s normal state of being is put in place.

“How soon have I to get over this thing that brings people to their undesired state” when I could have avoided beforehand? Lucy asked. “Yes, as long your forlorn feeling keeps triggering”, I replied.

Having time was a key recipe she had to undertake to undergo the healing process, although at some points in time she would instantly try to make things better out of the trouble; nonetheless, it was useful. She needed that to offset her desolation, which she did. Be patience with yourself as you process through.

COLLECTIVISM
Indeed, always the only way around a struggle is to go through it. Whenever we are being trodden by difficult situations, it is mostly our self-chosen process for transformation. What the caterpillar calls it an end of the world is rather a new world for the butterfly. Eventually, every ordeal brings in the aftermath an idyll.

Putting yourself together and allowing yourself to go through the pain is to develop your endurance, not to harden you. Actually, the purpose of hardening is to soften, and the purpose softening is to harden, but endurance ensures that one is able to go through both hard and soft times.

This brings to mind the story of Okonkwo in Chinua Achebe’s “Thing Fall Apart”. Growing up, Okonkwo was all about negating his father who was nothing but a lazy, soft and squandering man to become a hardworking, self-made and well respected member of the Umuofia clan. Though outwardly stern and powerful, much of his life is dictated by internal fear. According to him, showing emotion is being soft and feminine - exemplifying him to murder Ikemefuna – a boy he loves so much behind the scenes. This made things worst to the end when Okonkwo chose to live and die in his own terms than submit to the whiteman’s society – which he ended up committing suicide. In all, he never wanted to be considered emotion soft and feminine – but the emotions are there regardless.

In Greek Mythology, a phoenix is a bird that has the unique potential of self-regeneration. When it gets weak, it enters into fire, when it burns, it comes out renewed. As a matter of course, everything renewed is caused by destruction. Perhaps, the unwilling heartbreak is the cause of my friend’s state of endurance now.

By:
Michael Sumaila Nlasia
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