The Ring Or The Finger?

Do you know that the human hand no matter how long and muscle built, it is absolutely useless without the little fingers sprouting at the ends? Well, maybe you are not aware of this mystery but maybe by the time you are done reading this article you will comprehend it better!

The human hand is for grabbing things, tearing things apart or into shreds, pushing or dragging things from one point to another. It will interest you to know that your hand is absolutely useless without the fingers. Just try this for me right now. Imagine your fingers are not there and try to pick up something, push or pull something with your palm. Have you been able to do it? I guess it is impossible right? A hand which has no fingers has no pulling, pushing, crushing, squeezing and so on. It is useless!

I have very long arms and my palms are really broad with very long fingers, no wonder my dad forces me to join the police force which I am not so cool with because I have a better calling and heart desire. When I was young, I slapped a young lady who insulted my mother's "thing"(I hated that insult so much when I was a child and even now I loathe it with all my heart) and I gave her a slap that lasted for like a year. That's how powerful the hand is when it has working fingers.

Well this article is not purposely aimed at giving a scientific or biological relevance of the hand and fingers but rather to symbolize the strength and purpose possessed by the hands and fingers. I want to talk about marriages in the world and how people view this important aspect of life.

Marriages are crumbling and many homes are grumbling with the lives of children at the gambling end-they end up as social misfits.

Now the question then is, "What is wrong with marriages, relationships, courtships and other cordial relationship types?" I have an observation made over a long period of time and this is what I want to share with you in this article. The gospel truth is that many would be couples are interested in the ring (the wedding, the ceremony, the reception, the pictures, just name it) rather than the finger (the attitude, character, purpose, reason, destiny, future, life purpose among other important things).

Marriage is not about the wedding but about the living, marriage is not about the ten minutes ceremony or celebration but it is the sweet memory, the healthy feelings that still exist after the marriage and not the acrimony that errupts immediately after the marriage.

Recently, there has been a craze for exorbitant and needless photoshoots before, during and after wedding ceremonies, people go to the extent of taking loans to hire fleet of cars, renting venues for unimaginable receptions among other insane promises that decapitates and devastates the would be couples at the end. Why on earth would a man in his right senses, living in a single room compound house in a remote area run into a bank, take a loan which is not meant for business to gain profit but rather for marriage? Who did this to some men? This is indeed more than witchcraft!

I am reliably informed that more often than not, it is not the men who go to such extents but the beautiful sassy bride and her maids are actually the initiators of the pressure on the man. The woman because of the standard or class she has built for herself and the image she has painted in the minds of her peers makes her feel like she has to perform her wedding specially and so the man whether he has it or not must provide it by hook or crook. An Uncle of mine was telling me sometime ago about how one of his colleagues at work nearly killed himself after her wife forced him to take a loan to buy a saloon car (Toyota Corolla) before she would agree to marry him.

This man also went ahead to buy the car and after two years when things were getting tough, she parked out and left him with their unborn son. Up till date, the woman and the baby are no where to be found. Men also do same, they force their would be wives to sponsor the weddings and some dupe their wives and abscond with huge sums of money. These are stories that are very rampant in our societies and I believe that you as my reader have heard or probably experienced a number of them in your own sphere.

Now the million dollar question is, "Why do people even marry? Is it for the finger of the woman or the ring? As I said earlier, the finger is used in this article symbolically to represent the good and positive things in the man or the woman. What qualities do you see in a woman or man before you intrinsically and holistically agree to spend the rest of your life with him or her? Do you like how he or she thinks about issues? How he or she speaks to people both young and old? Does he or she have a vision? Does he or she really care about you even now that you are not married? What makes you love him or her no matter what? How does he or she react to urgent situations? These and many more questions must you ask before you even think of plunging into marriage. As someone rightly said, "Marriage is like a public toilet, whiles those in it wants to quickly get out, others are assiduously warming up to enter into it".

You meet a lot of young couples and you ask them how many books on marriage or relationships they have read on and they really have no clue about it. God is fully committed to the institution of marriage and there are many promises and blessings contained in the package of good marriage. Those who have good marriages have peace, success, fulfillment and joy among other things but those who rushed into it because they want to show the entire world that they can buy a diamond or golden ring, they can put together a perfect reception so they feed people or probably they feel that they are ageing and with the pressure from family and friends, they must get someone around to be their wives or husbands have quarrels everyday, their children are wayward and truant, there is no love, there is misery and there is no bit of joy and these leads to divorce.

I have seen and heard many couples who when asked whether or not in their next life they will wish to marry their husbands or wives again, the answers have been more No's than Yes'! It is a pity and that should never have been the case at all.

I was watching a movie produced in Ghana and acted by Ghanaians and I saw something really striking that I asked myself about what I would do should such incident in the movie happens in my matrimonial home. In the movie, the couple had an issue and due to that they both stopped talking to each other verbally. They rather resorted to communicating through writing on paper. So the man writes on his paper, gives it to his wife, the wife reads it and replies. The cycle went on for days until one day at night, before the man said good night on paper he also added that he had a meeting earlier that morning and so his wife should call him when she wakes early in order for him to prepare for the meeting. Fortunately for the woman, she woke up early and did as she was told. She wrote on a paper boldly, WAKE UP! It is time to go for work! She then placed the paper by his side. By the time the man woke up, time was far gone, he missed the meeting and he lost a lifetime opportunity. The paper never woke him up, I laughed heartily!

This story was depicted in a movie but the truth is, it is happening live and colored in our homes and families. No doubt. One other issue that is worth noting is sex. I mean good and healthy sex and not a forced or an incompatible one. Marriage without healthy sex is like a car without a brake or a bottled drink without a cork, it will pour out. But on the other hand, Is sex just the primary thing for marriage? I hear most of my friends speaking about how they are exercising very hard now so that when they finally get married they can really rock their wives like a rocking chair or shake them like a shaking machine. So I decided to ask one of these friends whether or not they would be able to have sex with their wives every hour till they die? Is there really any man who can have the luxury of time to have sex with his wife every single day until they both die? Well, I know there are some very sexually crazy men in the world who may try it but I bet to say they won't finish it.

I want to make you understand a few things that could help you greatly and push you to another level in life. First of all, look for brains not beauty. Any woman can be beautiful no matter what, so far as there is money, that lady you claim is ugly will transform into a daffodil. A woman who is intelligent and ugly is far better than a beautiful lady who is "stupid". Don't make the mistake of choosing a coca cola shaped lady today who will deteriorate in some few years.

Secondly, check the character and attitude of that lady or gentleman. Any man or woman who gets angry quickly without a cause must be checked again. There are many young men and women who are not shy of insulting others without regrets, they talk any how without understanding their environment, they eat anywhere and anyhow, walk lackadaisically by dragging their feet noisily and so on. Is this the guy or lady you want to send home to meet your family? Do you think he will change when you marry him or her? Be very careful about attitude and character.

Thirdly, identify what makes you happy about each other. Marriage without happiness is like living in a cemetery. No noise! Silence hour! If your wife is not joyous when she sees you or your husband is not ecstatic when he sees you then there is a problem. You need to love something dearly about him or her. I know a man who once told me that his wife always makes him angry with a particular attitude but anytime he remembers "something" (I won't tell you what that is) about his lovely yet troublesome wife and he just forgives and forgets quickly. Identify what turns you on about your partner. Your future is very important!

Fourthly, be humble, be honest, respect each other, honor each other, share ideas, go out to sweet places together to relax, have enough time with your wife and children, make things very easy and free, don't be stiff but be versatile. Love is not static, it is evolving!

Finally, I should have brought this first but I decided to reserve it for the last because it cannot be ruled out. The God factor is more important than anything else. Many people (Christian believers) do not inquire diligently from God before choosing their partners. The truth is, your partner is someone you will get married to and live together with for the rest of your life, whether rain or shine, dawn or dusk, morning or evening, breakfast or supper. If God is not involved in your relationship as a Christian, don't even think of going into it. You will die early before your time!

I end here by saying that many marriages are dying off daily and it is expedient for us as young people to look out for good women or men who have purpose, vision, direction and understanding of life. Go for the right finger and not the golden or diamond ring!

The Writer is Martin Selorm Koku Attopley, a Student Pastor at Joseph Asikoyaaba Ministries, a Proud Kufuor Scholar, a final year student of English, an Author and a Speaker.

You can read more of his stories on his blog www.Attopley.blogspot.com and you can reach him on the following channels:

WhatsApp: 0501427622
Facebook: Martin Selorm