Politics In An Era Of Cacophony

1 – Ei, Koo, so you are sticking to your policy of not listening to radio discussions?

K2 – But do you call them “discussions”? As far as I am concerned, they’re volume-busters! If you use your mobile phone to listen to them, you will come across to others as being anti-social. And if you use earphones, you stand the chance of doing permanent damage to your ear-drums. Have you tried to listen to them yourself?

Oh yes! This is how it goes, isn’t it? The host says, “Today, we are fortunate enough to have two Honourables in the studio. And our subject is banku. The Overseeing Bishop-Messenger-Prophet-of-the-Sepulchre-of-The-Lord-Church-Mission, the Blessed-Unblemished-Anointed Reverend Kwasi Nyapiao, said recently that people should stop eating banku that has not been sent to Jerusalem to be sanctified!

Because it can give them cancer!

HON. ADEASA: As we sit here talking, the government is thinking of paying over 70 million dollars to a company for monitoring mobile phone calls, when a similar project costing over 80 million dollars put in place by the previous government was proved to be nothing but a….

HON. AWIAKETEE: But he is hijacking the discussion. We are supposed to talk about banku!

Why don’t you want me to talk about mobile phone monitoring?

Before we know it, he will be talking about whether there is a Minister for “Bola” in this country! It isn’t fair!

It is fair!

We have freedom of speech.

But that doesn’t mean we should be off-topic!

Are you the host?

The host will agree with me! We eat tuo together every Saturday!

So you’re taking advantage? ….

HOST: Honourables, please! The issue is, should a member of the clergy make authoritative statements about scientific matters?

But Honourable, you can’t say that about a man anointed by the Almighty?

When did you last go to a chop bar? Do you think the Health and Safety authorities bother to go and look into their cooking pots?

But this man is saying that the banku should be taken to Jerusalem first! How do you take it to Jerusalem? Will the aeroplane have special refrigeration or what? When it arrives at the Customs post in Jerusalem, will the people there realise that banku has a natural smell which non-Africans might regard as repulsive but which gives it the taste which we enjoy so much? You know, I think that priest has got his head screwed on wrong!

Were you there when he was anointed?

You just can’t mix religion with science.

But a prophet is supposed to look after both the physical and spiritual welfare of his people?

The welfare of his people depends on their mobile phone calls going through efficiently.

Wasting air time talking about banku when the National Identity Card Scheme is going to cost us over one billion cedis, or is it dollars? We cannot drive from Accra to Kumase, just 169 miles, without risking our lives. How many miles of road do you think we could build – and I mean motorway-type roads – with one billion dollars or even cedis?

At the moment, our priority is the safety of banku sent to Israel for sanctification!

(GENERAL LAUGHTER)

Have you used a taxi recently? I came by taxi, and I tell you, the taxi-driver had his radio tuned to a station that was broadcasting a sermon! He didn’t know whether I was a Muslim, Buddhist! He just assumed that I would enjoy the sermon! But even worse were the advertisements that came on during the break. Men whose “guns cannot shoot properly” were being told that a certain medical preparation would straighten their aim! Amazingly, the same medical preparation could prevent a woman from claiming that she had a head-ache when her husband invited her to engage in bedmatics!

(GENERAL AUGHTER)

HOST: Okay, I have a few people texting in to give us their views. I shall read a few of their texts: Asomasi of Obenteng village says that it would be better if the authorities who sanctified the banku in Jerusalem were to open an office in Ghana. That would give some Ghanaians here employment!… Saaneye from Baabiaaneha says he agrees with the Honourable who talked about priorities, but he thinks it would be better to construct a railway line to Bawku than a motorway. And Baduba from Abaduabakurom says we should also talk about the Anas-Kwasi Nyantakyi issue. He alleges that all the sports writers are biased because they are used to taking solidarity envelopes from the Ghana Football Association, and all the ordinary commentators are also based because they find it difficult to get anything interesting to write about, whereas Anas guarantees them readable material whenever he shows his face – sorry, I mean, whenever he doesn’t show his face!

(GENERAL LAUGHTER)

So, you see, Koo? The nation marches on, oblivious of priorities; unaware of how the whole system of government has evolved to become a vigilante scheme about how to preventsikadicious adventures. Those who sikadiid in the past, suspect that every contract of today is geared towards sikadiing, just as in the past. And the Government waits and only tries to douse fires. What about anticipating fire outbreaks and stopping them at source?

And the electronic media are quite cool about it all, because the more cacophonous they are, the more advertisers think they are popular, so their money should go there! We live in a land of the ignorant! Sorry oh!

cameronduodu.com

By CAMERON DUODU