What schools and colleges don’t teach?

How to be a man
Whiles schools and colleges teach many useful things, there are some things they regrettably do not. It's good to know science, history, mathematics and English which are very essential for those of us who live in Africa and many parts of the world but one of the most important things of all for anyone to learn is left to dust. One of the most important thing to learn as a young boy is to how to become a man. The first place you learn to become a man is from your father which you learn more from his examples than his words. Though you do still learn from his words, that puts child whose father never grew up mentally and emotionally at a serious disadvantage. If the person from whom you are learning to be an adult still acts like a child, then that is what you will learn. That means if you are a father, you need to be especially careful, because your children and your son's in particular are going to be watching you. They will learn from you what you do, learning what is right and is wrong, what is acceptable and what is not. So it is essential that you make sure that you behave the way you want them to learn to behave. It is also essential that you spent time with them to give them the opportunity to learn from you.

So what happens to children who do not have fathers from whom they will learn from? They must find someone else to teach them. Unfortunately, children have no way to of knowing who is a good choice and who is a bad choice so they will mostly simply find whoever is most convenient. With all the above said, what is that distinguish a man from a boy? What can you look at to say whether someone is a good man? Most importantly of all, for the males reading this, what can you learn, in order to be that good man? Here is a list of the core attributes of a man:

1. Honor
This is the core, the all encompassing attributes of what it means to be a man. It includes all the other attributes, blended into a whole that is greater than sum of its parts. Honor means you tell the truth, even when it hurts. Honor means you take care of your responsibilities. Honor means you live up to any commitment you make, even when it's hard. Honor means taking care of those weaker than you. Honor means all of these things and more and you know it when you see it whether a person you meet or in character in a movie. (Think of Majid Michel). Maintaining your honor is essential to being a man, but part of maintaining your honor knows which of its components is more important when they are in conflict.

2. Integrity
Integrity is all about truth. This means being truthful everywhere and to everyone, including you. It means don't pretend to be something or someone that you are not. It means accepting the truth of who you are, and if you don't like at accepting the responsibility of changing it, not just acting like it's not even there. A man of integrity is true to himself, true to others and true to his word. He doesn't need to swear an oath or make a promise, because his yes means yes and his no means no.

3. Responsibility
Responsibility is another essential component. A man must take responsibility for his own choice both to himself and to others. That means that you cannot blame others for things you do or the way you are because they can only influence you to allow them. If you accept responsibility for something, it is up to you to make sure it is done and to accept the blame if it is not regardless of why it is not. If you cannot be sure that you can do it then do not say that you will.

4. Respect
A man gives respect to those around him until they show that they are not worthy of it. And even then he gives them the opportunity to earn it back. All interactions with others should be done inside the framework of respect…even if someone has shown that their behavior is not worthy of respect, you can respect their knowledge and or expertise in whatever areas they have it. Also keep in mind that regardless of whether someone is worthy of your respect or not you should still treat them with respect…just be aware of it in your expectations of them and their behavior.

5. Faithfulness
Responsibility is about following through on what you say and do. Faithfulness is about following through on the things that you should be doing whether or not you have said you will. Faithfulness is about going the extra mile to do the right thing in the right way, even if it means going beyond what you said you would do. Faithfulness is what comes after responsibility…when you don't just do things because you said you're stuck with it now but instead do them because they are the right things to do.

6. Compassion
Compassion is one of the primary things that differentiate men from animals and man from machines. When you feel that other people are individuals and their own value, worthy of your help, your work, and your consideration on their own merit, then you have compassion. Compassion isn't feeling sorry for people, its feeling, that they are worthy of your time and effort, and then you, you should feel it for everyone. Everyone should be worthy of your time and effort when they help with something.

7. Strength
Strength is another part of being a man that is commonly misunderstood. Strength isn't about not admitting your weakness (or mistakes). It's not about how much weight you can lift. Strength is about following through an all of the things above. Strength I s doing what you should be doing regardless of how hard it is or how you feel about it. It actually shows for more strength to admit your weakness and mistakes and then something about them. I cannot emphasize that enough…admitting weakness and mistakes may be hard but the reality is the strength to have and to fix it or compensate for, then, then it does to try to hide them. That's what it takes to be a man instead of an adult boy. Every male has it in the then to do the things listed above and every male will fail at each of them at the some point. The difference is that, for a man, the failure is the exception not the rule, and when they fail at one of them, they prickle themselves back up and get back to it.

Author of step up father
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